Definition of visitation and what to do about a mother moving out of state with my child?

Question

Two part question. First, what is the exact definition of visitation rights. The mother of my child (1 month old) who recently married someone else (we were never married) hardly lets me hold my child when I come over, preferring to either keep the child to herself or pass her to her husband who, as she says, "is her family". I want to be able to have some level of care and bonding with my child, but basically what I am doing now is going to their house and sitting around with them for several hours a day, not allowed to take much of an active role. Second part, last night the mother asked me if I would like to put up my daughter for adoption to her new husband, stating it would be easier on me since they are thinking about moving out of state at some point. I want to be a part of my child's life, but don't feel it is fair to jettison my own life to follow them around wherever they go (we live in California). Can she just up and leave if I have visitation rights? Help.

Who pays for transportation costs for the child to travel between us during visitations when the mother moves away from me? I know neither of us can afford frequent trips if she moves too far away.

Any ideas of what I can expect to pay for an attorney throughout this process?

Answer 1

SHE DOESNT HAVE FULL CUSTODY. YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE COURTS AND GET FULL CUSTODY. RIGHT NOW YOU BOTH HAVE CUSTODY OF THE CHILD UNLESS YOU SIGN YOUR PARENTAL RIGHTS AWAY. GO TO THE COURTS AND FILE FOR VISITATION. PROVE YOU ARE A GOOD FATHER ETC AND THE JUDGE WILL GIVE YOU VISITATION AND THERES NOTHING SHE CAN DO BUT BE MAD. IF SHE MOVES AWAY YOU CAN STILL HAVE HIM ON THE WEEKENDS. THE JUDGE WILL RULE THAT. TRUST ME. MY FRIEND WENT THROUGH SOMETHING LIKE THIS AND THE FATHER GOT VISITATION RIGHTS AND SHES UPSET!!

Answer 2

You don't say whether or not your visitation is court ordered or just an informal agreement the two of you have reached. If you have court ordered visitation - the rules about that visitation would have been outlined in the order. If there are no restrictions, that usually means you can have the child with you, where ever you want to be for the time allowed. It sounds like you are currently having "supervised" visitation and there is no reason for that unless the court has ordered it. Unless ordered otherwise, you have every right to play an active role and to bond in your own way with your child.
If you have court ordered visitation rights, she cannot move to a place that would make those rights impossible to exercise. For example, if you are allowed a visit every Wednesday she can't move across the country. However, if you have only summer visitation, she could move because it would still be possible for the child to be sent to you for the whole summer. If her move would make visitation impossible, she would have to file for a modification of the current visitation plan. That could would determine whether or not to allow the move and would alter visitation accordingly.
Giving up your parental rights would only make it easier on you because you would not have to financially support the child anymore. However, it would have immense emotional consequences for you and for the child so you may want to think about it long and hard.
If you are willing/interested/able to be involved even from long-distance and to pay your support for the child continuing the father-child bond may be very important.
Get yourself a good lawyer. A consultation to find out your rights won't cost too much.

Answer 3

I live in California and I can tell you that she cannot take your child out of state without your permission or a trial to determine that it is in the best interest of the child. You have established paternity, right?

Secondly, call around and ask for a father's rights lawyer that would do a free consultation. Tell him/her your situation and see what your rights are (you have more than you think) and what he charges. You can do this with several lawyers and some even do some pro-bono work. Cost really varies as to how long and ugly a trial gets.

It sounds like your baby's mother is trying to talk you into things you aren't wanting to do. She wants to push you out of the baby's life without considering the baby's well being. I believe that a child has a right to know their biological father, especially one that wants to be a part of the child's life.

As far as adoption goes, once you do that you lose all rights, including knowing where they child is and how she is doing. Then you must deal with the reprecussions later if she wants to find you and know why you gave her up.

I would go back to court and try to set up some time where you can have your child by yourself and bond with her. You need to stipulate in writing exactly what times and days you would want time with her and for how long, who is dropping off and picking up, and where. If she refuses you visitation you can hold her in contempt of court.

I am including some links for you to read. California family law is really complicated and so I think some links might help.

These situations are never easy. I am sorry you have to go through it and I hope that whatever happens you both can agree that the best thing to do is what is in the best interest of your daughter.

Answer 4

No, she can not. Not without court approval. And you can contest it all the way.

If you give up your paternal rights, you will no longer have any access to the child, including visitation, and also including any fiduciary duty.

This is a hard choice, since you want your baby to grow up in as solid a home as possible with as stable a family unit as she can, and dragging out a battle with the mother would impeed that lifestyle.

However, you also shouldnt just roll over and give up your rights as father if you're commited to being one.

What you need to do, is get yourself a good lawyer. Things like the nature and duration of visitations can be set up and monitored by the court. This would provide you with the legal RIGHT to touch, hold, and bond with your child. Your visitations might be supervised for a while by a local police station, to ensure the mother is following these rules. You will need a good lawyer to fight for this for you.

You should also start talking NOW with a lawyer about how you plan to fight her taking the child out of state. And to help you contest any fight she might put up about the court making you give up your rights as a parent. She can try to take the case to court, in an effort to have the husband adopt the child, and try to prove you an unfit parent. Its a long shot, and probably wont get far, but you will want a lawyer.

I would consider long and hard WHAT your fighting for, and how committed you are to that fight. Weigh your options. Is it worth your daughter growing up in a broken home where her mother and father are always at odds and she's monkey in the middle?

In most cases it is, but your ex can certainly make it quite the unpleasant and harmful situation.

Answer 5

first of all is sounds like you have already established your parental rights- DNA, legal rights; if not you should get that ball rolling, you need to establish yourself in your daughters life and i know its tough to sit there not being able to bond with the baby, but have some support when you go over like your mother or sister, someone ,this way they can also see you making an effort.
document all visits and gifts, and phone calls. this could all come in handy for you in family court one day.
Its easy for the mother to make that suggestion for adoption because her life has moved, but if you want to be a responsible parent for this child you have to make yourself known .
for what ever reason it didn't work out for you and the mother don't let it stop you from your responsibility as a father.
i don't know California law but you should find a family atty. who does. in other parts of the country it all depends on who is the residential parent 60%- 40% split.
but you should consult with a family law atty. soon.

Answer 6

You can petition the courts to stop her from leaving the state. I live in Arizona and we are behind in Child Custody and Support but it is an option for us. Call your Child Support office or look it up online through California courts.
You do have rights.

Answer 7

Yes she CAN up and move because her HUSBAND will be moving, yes she CAN take the child because she has custody of the child and her HUSBAND has been in the child's life obviously since birth. As far as visitation after the move takes place. If you want to see the child growing up YOU will have to pay for your own transporation there as well as pay to have the child transported to where you live in later years. It is not up to the child's mother and step father to pay for YOUR visitation.