I've been trying to help a neighborhood friend and his wife deal with the problems surrounding her infertility. They are a wonderful, kind, considerate professional couple who by all rights have it all, except for one thing - a child. The wife has been having a terrible time dealing with it, in fact to the point where an OD of epilepsy medication landed her in the hospital (again!). It seems that the biggest problem is the constant badgering by people as to when they will have kids and questions like "why haven't you had kids YET?!?!". People have even said to her face that she is just being selfish and that she only cares about her nice house, SUV, vacations, etc and that's why she doesn't have kids. One typsy person at a cocktail party even said point blank "What is wrong with you?" (and then there are the well meaning people that suggest all sorts of weird ethnic cures like goats milk, etc....)
All this stress is slowly destroying her. They have considered moving to another town.
2006-12-16 04:09:36 · 7 answers · asked by patrunnels 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
instead of moving to another town, they just need a good way of dealing with rude people. rude people are everywhere. you can't escape them, so moving to another town will not help. they just need to come up with something clever to say when people ask about their not having children. they could say, "thank you very much for your concern, but my husband and i feel that is a private matter and have decided not to discuss it with anyone". that way they get their point across and the person who asked feels like a jerk.
2006-12-16 04:17:58 · answer #1 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I cannot have kids myself and know exactly what that couple is going through; especially the woman.
Throughout our marriage (we have been married eleven years), especially during the first two years, people have always said things like, "what no kids yet?". Some joke about it, some were downright mean.
Usually when I tell the mean ones I can't have kids, they stop.
Sometimes people are dense and don't think before they speak that there are other reasons why people cannot have children.
The couple should just tell these ignorant people point blank and with a stern look that they are not able to have kids. That will make the ignorant people shut up. Just ignore their stupid remarks. I know it's hard at first, but after a while their words just roll off.
Adoption is always an option. We are thinking of doing that ourselves.
I wish them well.
2006-12-16 04:28:04 · answer #2 · answered by Tara662 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What "stigma" - I've been married for 12 years and I don't have any children. You really have to move beyond what others think. If you are dependent on what other think of you, your emotional barometer will be boucing up and down like a yo-yo for the rest of your life....not a very happy place to be. I have found that being childless allows me to focus on the needs of others in my community. I have time to volunteer in nursing homes, my church and a host of other service related activities that many of my peers with kids couldn't even think of doing. In my opinion, not having children does not by definition mean one is "selfish". Perhaps it is just not in the divine plan for your friend to have children - maybe there is another vocation other than parenthood that awaits. Moving to another town will not help - the cure has to come from within. Your friend needs to find internal peace with the cards that have been dealt and accept that there are some things that are beyond our control and are not meant to be. The obvious alternative is adoption, but it seems to me the larger issue is dependency on popular opinion.
2006-12-16 04:27:06 · answer #3 · answered by nj55145 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Tell her the next time some rude B---h says something to tell them the truth. And go into a lot of detail. Make sure she does the detail thing so she embarasses the person completely. How rude people can be. She should just say well when God decides to give us a child we will let you know and how is your sex life? Also maybe they should check into adoption since it sounds like they are the kind of couple who could adopt.
2006-12-16 04:23:13 · answer #4 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if they need to move to another town but they need to stop being around the people they are around all the time. If they want a child bad enough there are ways to go about it and if they aren't trying everything then they need to tell people to mind their business.
2006-12-16 04:19:08 · answer #5 · answered by freakyallweeky 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wager what, i became a 27 365 days previous,divorced, unmarried mum to 2 children till I were given right into a courting with my now boyfriend - he hasn't ever been married and has no children of his own. he's astounding! he's also large with the children. we've been at the same time over a 365 days now, he hasn't moved in with us or some thing yet - we are only taking your time and this is understanding large! so, sure they do!
2016-10-18 09:10:29 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why doesn't she just have a kid then? adopt one. or an even better idea, tell everyone to shut up and mind their own buisness.
2006-12-16 04:19:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋