SENARIO:Step-daughter is 22yrs old. Has had apartment with (non-working) boyfriend for the past year. Just got eviction notice, can't afford the apt. any longer. Has until the end of the month!
NOW: She calls my husband crying the blues of maxed credit cards, behind on rent, etc. Asks DAD to take out a loan of $9,000 to get her out of the hole (claims she will pay the loan.. besides a car loan he took out for her, she hasn't paid on in the past 3 months - .."right"). He was denied the loan because we took out a $25,000 home improvement loan + my car loan in May. SO,She announces she will move back in with dear ole dad (neither of them asked my thoughts on the matter). I have 2 daughters (1 in college,1 in the Navy). One of their rooms is used for storage, the other has her things packed in boxes. So, I am suppose to tell my daughter in college she no longer has a bedroom to come home to? I feel like moving out myself. I NEED SOME ADVISE PLEASE!
2006-12-16 03:23:49 · 10 answers · asked by LARGE MARGE 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I work 2 jobs, have nothing done yet for Christmas, and my daughter is coming home THURSDAY from the Navy! ...and the step-daughter will not talk to me about the whole situation, but cries to dad how "stressed" she is, and the room situation! WHAT ABOUT ME? I will be trying to get things decorated for Christmas, and have no clue when the BIG MOVE is suppose to take place. I AM SO PISSED!!! Thanks for letting me vent!
2006-12-16 03:26:26 · update #1
I have always supported his children as if they were my own. His daughter did not ask "us" about her moving in. I would think I should at least be consulted before any decisions were made, since that is suppose to be my hosue too! She won't talk to me about the advise I wanted to give her, or the move itself. That is the whole reason I am so upset!
2006-12-16 03:42:02 · update #2
When you marry a man with children, you marry his children too. His children are as welcome in his home as your's are. Even if he is living in the home you had before you married him, this is your shared home.
Advice: Allow him to be the parent of his children. You wouldn't want him to tell you what to do would you?
2006-12-16 03:29:23 · answer #1 · answered by Faith 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would let the step daughter move back for a specific time frame 1 month ,1 week ,1 day ,whatever ,and then stick to the time frame. If she doesn't have other arrangements by then I would probably get an apartment. She is your step daughter and you should help her if she really needs it but make it a point of letting her know this is the last time you will bail her out. She is an adult and should be more responsible and will only learn it if she is held accountable. Some times that a big lesson alot of grown children need to learn I am the step mom to 2 grown adult children and 2 teenage children of my own. My children are learning about responsibility by watching the way my husband and me respond to the irresponsible ways of the adult step children. It is hard to tell your kids NO! But if you don't they will just keep asking.
2006-12-16 03:43:48 · answer #2 · answered by ladydaisy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all try not to stress yourself out too much over this, it could cause problems with your health and your relationship with your husband, but i know how you feel. He should have came to you FIRST!!! It sounds like his daughter is very spoiled and you have raised your children to fend for themselves, obviously he didnt take any lessons from you in the way that you hae raised yours, but it is just my opinion that you have raised your children up right and to know how to take care of theirselves and not sponge off of mom and stepdad anymore!!! I have that same problem where my better half always like to volunteer my house to his homeless family members that are in their 40's without even asking me and there was one time where it got soooo bad that i HAD to leave. He just took away my little boys room and he is only 7 he needs his own room with his toys to play with!!! I would not allow it anymore and i gave him the ultimatum that it is either his family which is us or his no count bunch of drunks and drug addict family that i do not like being around my children!! So far he has chose us, but the other day i had an issue with his neice. There was nobody to watch her and I have 3 children of my own, if it had only been for a couple of hours it would have been fine but it was for the entire WEEKEND!!! And she is only 2!! So, trust me honey i know what you are going through and i really dont think there is an answer to this except for you to just follow your heart!! Has the stepdaughter even got a job??? I would definately NOT let the boyfriend live there especially since you have your children coming home! Tell him to go and stay with someone in his own family!!! Try your very best to enjoy every minute you have with your children while they are home, i know that being in the military that they only have a certain amount of leave time, I wish you a very merry christmas and i hope you can make it through this !! Like i said i have been there and I KNOW how hard it is..........And also congradulations on the fine job you have done in raising your two children!!! Good luck !!
2006-12-16 04:42:37 · answer #3 · answered by littleEfan25 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
im a step daughter myself.. and you sound as if you have a few issues going on there.. first off, i think its best for you to tell your husband what you're feeling about the whole situation.. but say it in a way that you're concerened about your step daughter and your daughter too.. when you and your husband have talked, why not try to talk about the room issue together while having dinner or something.. talk about it together as a family and make compromises.. you're concerened about your daughter not having a bedroom to come home to, then what about your step daughter?? imagine how hard it was for her that she moved back in? all it takes is a bit of attention and a bit of hard work and all can be happy.. make your step daughter feel at home and that you want to spend more time her.. it seems like you dont like the fact that your stepdaughter moved back in and using the room issue to cover that up.. well, that's just me.. no hard feelings
2006-12-16 03:41:28 · answer #4 · answered by kumiho 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK, you said that your 2 daughters rooms, well she is his daughter and this is also his home.what i would do is tell him that if he is going to let her move in then she can use the room that is being used for storage.i would also tell him that she has to have a job and help with expenses. what about the boyfriend? is he moving in too? i think i would be saying no to that. but he does have the right to say she can move in. i would tell him that your his wife and this is your home to and that you don't like the fact that he did not bother talking to you about any of this. i think the reason he didn't is obvious, he new you would put up a fight about it. but let her stay in the storage room, she must have a job and help with things including the cleaning, also set the rules down about this boyfriend right from the start. if she does not follow the rules, then you have the right to say it is time for her to go.
2006-12-16 03:41:00 · answer #5 · answered by here to help 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all your husband is wrong. decisions about who moves in should be made by the both of you. If I were you I would tell my husband how I felt and let him know that if the step daughter does not come and express the situation to the both of you so you both can make the decision. She can not stay there. She has to learn that there are two adults in your house. The house is both of youres not just her dads.
dad needs to make her repsect you as his wife if nothing else.
2006-12-16 03:56:11 · answer #6 · answered by ltonyasfun 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your husband needs to tell his daughter to fend for herself!! Once in awhile we need to let our children fall on their faces and pick themselves up so they learn to stand on their own two feet!!!! If he continues to baby her she what will she do when he passes??? If it is putting a bind on your relationship with your husband let him know. It may cause an arguement but ask him how he would feel if the tables were turned and it was one of your daughters in the situation?? Would he bend over backwards to help them?? You raised your children to stand on their own and know how to take care of themselves and now he needs to teach "MISS I NEED I WANT" the same thing. I feel that it is your home why should you leave. She should be the one that finds herself a place and grows up!! Good luck !!
2006-12-16 03:35:30 · answer #7 · answered by Floridapurrfection 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW..... sounds like a brother in law I just obtained through marriage....poor him...always the same thing,,,his entire life has been a cluster fuc*...
Honestly I am gritting my teeth just reading your email. You already know that if you were to give her more money she won't pay it back...that is just never gonna happen. The fact that you were not even consulted is just plain rude, but, not so much on her part, more on hubbys...jeese, what are you, just a maid who works there?....Now my teeth are ground to non-existance...apparently he tried to get the loan...did he ask you about that one?...
step daughter has clearly messed her own life up beyond belief. Who would want to clean up that mess?...Maybe if boyfriend got a job, they could do it on their own. Your kids are obviously trying to be productive people and take care of themselves, ever brought that one up to hubby?...grrrrrrrrrr....down to the gums now.....
Maybe the threat of her moving in is just that in an attempt to get the $...how does anyone get that in debt?...I am the worst person you could ask this to cause it bothers me when I am not consulted...I could go on and on but in the nterest of this getting to you, suffice to say...I FEEL YOUR PAIN....
My bottom line would be just say no. No she can not move here, not for a day, esp. if unemployed slacker boyfriend is in the package..god you poor thing...happy holidays huh?
I am 50, just got remarried, worked my butt off all my life so did and does hubby, his brother apparently thought that since we had money, like some money, and I have 2 kids in college that I support independantly, not with the "our money", I guess he thought we should pay off his stupid debt, he has very little money but buys 30. bottles of wine for himself, did I mention my hubby supported him fully, all espenses while he was "getting his lif togehter" for 9 months, complete w/spring water and hbo, while hubby lived w/me and I paid for everything here??? grrrrrrrr, okay gums are bleading now...lol
anyway...he stayed there for free, was supposed to be saving money, did not, lived like a king, we had to pay for him to get out...long long story...
Don't let her in...she will suck you dry and it still won't be enough. YOu are in a lose/lose situation...would love to talk to you...feeling really bad for you..I am hahagain@yahoo.com...if you write me I will call you, or you can call me....just say daughter problem...I will call...I am not crazy or anything close, just been there and done that and man, you are in a bad place....good luck to you....
2006-12-16 04:29:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's hard to say no to your kids sometimes but maybe it's time for him to start. if she were to move in i would not let the boyfriend move in, that will be a disaster. he needs to consult you on everything, not just make decisions like you're not there. i know what i would do, i'd tell my hubby she could not move in and if she did i would move out. that might be the wrong answer to some, but it's my answer.
2006-12-16 03:56:01 · answer #9 · answered by inluvwithb 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well hon, i think your husband is very inconsiderate of your feelings and you need first to talk with him and explain how you feel, then you and he should decide the answer.
2006-12-16 04:00:33 · answer #10 · answered by janieloveday 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋