My husband is going to his parents without us for Christmas.?

Question

This started a month or so ago when my father-in-law wanted to know for sure if we were coming up for Christmas. When my husband questioned him , he said becuase he was planning on getting the other grandchildren bikes and he didn't want my children (his step-grandchildren) to feel left out. That made my husband and I angry but this is the way they are. My children are 8 and 15. We have been together for almost 5 years and they still do not consider themselves grandma and grandpa except with their "natural" grandkids. Here's the problem. I got angry and said something to the effect that I was only going to be with my husband and that I didn't like the way his dad and his step-mom project themselves to my kids. So now he is "making me stick to what I said" and he is going without us becuase I wasn't going to see his family just to be with him!!! We have been having problems but we are working through them and this is killing me. I want my family to be together for Christmas.

What are your feelings about my situation??

I should add it is a 6 hour trip and he is staying for 5 days....

My husband did let his dad know that we were not happy about the way they treat the kids and his dad and step-mom, as far as I know, don't know what I had said about going up there... I'm sure there are plenty of families going to someones home for Christmas becuase they just want to be with their spouse...

Answer 1

This is a horrible situation for you. My hubby had 2 daughters already when we got married and then we had 3 of our own. My family has never treated them like steps. They are our kids and treated just as equally as our other 3. His family on the other hand is a different story. They are all biologically their family and my 3 get the short end of the stick every time.

We argue about it every year when Christmas rolls around because his family tries to call all of the shots. Basically demanding that we be there on Christmas Eve night. 2 years ago I finally put my foot down. I informed them that I have family as well and from now on we will be alternating years. Also, that I have traditions that I want to do with our kids and we will be leaving by 5:30 every time we are there. Everything can be planned accordingly. They were not and are not happy. Complain to my hubby every year. He tries to milk out our time there past 5:30. I lovingly inform him that we have plans with the kids and if he would rather not join us, he can catch a ride back to town with his mom as I am taking all 5 kids and going home.

If you want to try to visit the inlaws, sit down with your hubby and lay out some guidelines that you both can agree on and stick to it. As far as the kids treatment or presents, there is not much you can do about it. All 5 of my kids have noticed this, including the 2 oldest that are treated very well on Christmas Eve, and say something to the family every year. The 3 youngest don't say anything. But the 2 teenagers do everytime. Some things never change. Maybe your inlaws will wake up and realize what a precious gift it is that they have 2 more grandchildren to love!!

Good luck and have a Merry Christmas!!

Answer 2

i know some people want nothing but trouble in the family even for a little small things. Just buy the bikes yourself and take them with you and go with him. Tell the old folks " money is not an issue", it is more important that the families are together.

Try to tell your kids: to call them grandma and grandpa, nice and sweetly, often and loud. (If they pretend not to hear, just nicely explain to kids that they are busy, they could not hear well and move on to something else.) Make some nice projects as christmas gifts to them too. Your kids did not own them anything, If they earn their love with more efforts, teach them so, because it is a better approach to the problem. I think you are a very nice person and have a nice intention: just be nice, take steps little by little to solve all the problems.
Take a step back instead of fighting. Just appologize to your hushand what you said and tell him that Christmas is more important, our family is more important than any of issues. This time we will try to earn the status of Grandchildren to your folks.
If he disagrees, you and your husband are having serious issues, this maybe an indicator that he is leaving you soon. You either have to try hard to work on the issues or be prepared to find another husband.

Answer 3

the problem is not with you , your husband new you had kids when you got married and if he wasn't willing to raise them the same as if they was his then he shouldn't have married you, and he needs to grow some balls and inform his dad if he wants to have anything to do with him he will treat you and the kids with a little respect. what kind of azzhole would want to see the faces of two kids on Christmas morning when they didn't get a bike like all the other kids. I'm sorry but this boils my blood i don't know which is worse your father-in-law or your husband . your husband should have told him right where he could stick it and not go to there house for Christmas, i think that gives a little incite on how your husband thinks of you and the kids. i have had this problem with my own mother years ago , she didn't like my wife and didn't want her around so i told my mom if she couldn't except my wife and kids then she didn't except me either and we didn't have anything to do with each other for 5 yrs until she started acting like she should. i feel sorry for you and wish you a happy Christmas have a wonderful time with your kids. stick to you guns you are in the right here, your husband is the one that needs to do some thinking and figure out if he wants to be married to his parents or his wife.

Answer 4

This kind of family pain should be halted. See the glass as half full. When you do that, you will be able to mend the situation.

If you have to apologize, do it again to your husband and then to the rest of the family. Apologies are very useful and can be done in a professional manner. Do it fully-- in order words, say you understand how THEY feel and never justify why you said what you said. When you are alone, call his parents and tell them you weren't feeling well, you were worried about your physical or psychological health, you've been trying to learn how to deal with it and then ask THEM how you should deal with when you don't feel well and react poorly.

They will come to your side and tell him to RELENT.

The point is that words are harmful but when they can be taken back, you should absolutely do it.

Then suck it up, write a list of 20 nice conversations you can make and try to go.

Answer 5

If I had inlaws that deliberatly didn't acknowledge my kids and left them out I would have a problem with that. I'd tell that husband he knew I had kids when he married me and if he wants to go to his parents that refuse to acknowledge my kids then go but don't bother coming back home. My kids are just important to me as the inlaws "natural" grandkids are important to them and I don't need or want people like that in the lives of my children. Then I'd buy my kids their own bikes and everyone else can kiss my ***.

Answer 6

I don't think that its right for him to spend time with his family alone on Christmas. His first priority is you and the children and then his parents. Christmas is a holiday to be spent with family. I think that you should request him to spend time with you. If he does not agree, maybe you all can go for an hour or so. Or he can go for about 1 or 2 hours and then come back.

Answer 7

Of course you want to be w/your family for the holidays. Bluntly, your husband is a wimp and you are the one paying the price for his lack of kahoonas. You are absolutely correct that if they can't accept and treat your children like their biologcal grand kids...what idiots.
Are you sure you want to be married to this guy?...Your father in law is a rude over-bearing man who has about as much class as a far* in church.....
I had a very similar situation and we are divorced now, don't waste too much of your life on this loser. He can't be much of a step dad or he wouldn't act this way. Give yourself a nice Christamas gift, and your kids too, leave him. Pack it up when he is gone and get out.....It will not get any better trust me, only worse....good luck

Answer 8

My mom and stepdad are the same way! They fight and get through it but, just can't leave it in the past. If I were you either talk to your husband or give him a little space then later on go see if he will talk to you. Really just keep talking to him and sometimes for other people it's time to let go of them. As in divorce. I'm not saying you will have to just some people are in that spot. my mom is right now! So good luck!! I'm very sorry!!!!! :(

Answer 9

go spend christmas without the dick head u were better off doin that instead of u going to sit at his parents house and u didint wanna be thier? whats the point ? for his parents to act like your children arent anything to them no? alll for one guy .. screw that .. he should take his own actions for example staying home with the family for christmas parents are important on christmas but he should be with his family more than anything. h e spend how many x mas's with his parents and you and the kids let this one go hes being a dick head let hi mside with himself and his own opinons and guess who will be missing who xmas mourning .. thats right him.. and all he ll have thier is his parents(Y) the ones he gonna be pissed off at on x mas because of the way they act.. and the s gonna leave call u and tell u he was wrong and he lvoes u and hes have enough thier and he;s; gonna come home . so let him go(Y) .. just let him go if he thinks the best solution is going to see his parents on x mas day he has issues but soon he will learn that issues is not what lifes about its love ... fun .. and family that brings teh world together

Answer 10

So, let him go and spend Christmas with your kids or your families home! Have fun and enjoy it without him. Let him know when he get home how much fun you and your kids had.