my uncle in law died, don't know what to say to aunt?

Question

so my uncle in law died a month ago and though i called my aunt that day and all i don't know what to say to her now. see she lives in a different country and i only see her on my summer holidays but i write to her a lot and now i don't know what to say to her because i think it would be heartless to not say anything about it. any suggestions?

Answer 1

you can ask her how she's doing, what is different in her life, what she misses about him. you can also tell her you know this is a big thing that has happened and that you want to acknowledge it but not make her uncomfortable or bring up hurt but that you care. be guided by what she says. and don't be afraid to say you don't know what to say. for the grieving person that's honest and can be dealt with. it's always a hard thing, but you're right - don't just pretend it hasn't happened and because you say it would feel heartless, it seems its important to put it out there. your words may console her, rather than hurt her you know.

good luck.

Answer 2

First of all don't refer to him as "your husband" or " my uncle in law" as that distances you from him at a time when your aunt needs everyone closer than ever before. Apologise for not coming to the funeral (it's another country and she probably wouldn't expect you to come, but it's still nice to say). If you don't know your uncle very well then say that "you wish you had gotten to know him better" if you did know him well then try to think of a happy time you spent with him and mention it to your aunt in the letter.

Answer 3

Say what you think or whatever comes in to your mind. Just because somebody is dead does not mean that they are forgotten. Talk to your aunt about him. Mention the good times and how sad it was when he died. I'm sure there are many other relations out there who are doing the same thing and not talking about the people who have died as they don't know what to say.

Answer 4

Just tell her that you are sorry that he died and that you are thinking of her a lot. And she will get through it all and she should remember all the good times that they shared together. And that you will always remember when he used to .... and then mention something funny that he used to say or do.

Whatever you say, your aunt will like it because it has come from you and its shows her that you are thinking about her.

Answer 5

Your Aunt has probably accepted the death of your uncle,its your turn now,just chat with her like you did before her/your loss,much kinder to her and your self

Answer 6

Just say, I am very sorry for your loss and hope you are bearing up. Then write your letter as you normally do. With her so far away you cannot help or console her in person.

Answer 7

just talk and write to her the same as you did before,you could share a good memory about your uncle this will make her smile,people like to talk about the person they have lost,it helps them to grieve and overcome it,otherwise talk about anything and everything,if you don't write that would upset her and make her feel bad

Answer 8

Ask if she id coping and looking after herself, she will appreciate you talking about it, there is nothing worse than losing a loved one and people avoiding mentioning them like they never even existed, much better to put her feelings of loss first and your feelings of awkwardness second.

Answer 9

Just express your condolences and offer to help that's all you can do

Answer 10

Sorry he's dead. Anything for me in the will?