My sister's boyfriend is an a**. Neither one of us likes the other at all. I actually had to ask him to quit being bossy in my home. He thinks he is in charge everywhere and was starting to get after my neice for doing what Ihad told her to do. He was invited to Thanksgiving and Christmas. He was a no-show at Thanksgiving and told my mom he won't be here for Christmas because I owe him an apology. I think he needs to man-up and move on.
2006-12-16 00:25:44 · 15 answers · asked by Julia B 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
sister's b/f is not my neice's dad. He has no right to say or do anything in my home & was warned before our "talk".
2006-12-16 03:27:58 · update #1
Hi there;
Sounds like your sisters boyfriend is a control freak. Not a good sign. What do your parents think about him? Is he the father of your neice? If so then there is nothing you can do about asking your niece to do something and the b/f countermanding it.
Have you tried approaching your sister with your concerns about his behavior?
Now, as for who is right and who is not. The b/f was invited to family gatherings and did not show up for one of them. For your sake, hope that he does not show up for the second one too. It's part of your families traditions and as he is only a b/f then he should do the right thing and bow out of any further family gatherings until he can stop using them as a weapon of control.
Emotion blackmail is a clear sign of an abusive person. Your sister is in for a bad time if she can not see that his people coping skills are distructive and hurtful.
Do not get into any power struggles with him friend. Instead always put your self in a win win situation. Say to him, "gee, too bad you will not be able to make it to MY family's Christmas celebration." Leave it at that. Make darn sure you are clear it is YOUR family and YOUR Christmas with YOUR family. Your neice is part of YOUR family by blood. You owe him nothing! Your mom owes him nothing. She welcomed him into her home on Christmas. If he doesn't want to attend because he can not behave for a few hours toward a host and he had any good manners he should bow out with a "oh golly I have already committed to another engagement for Christmas, but thank you for inviting me". Instead your family is getting a "I'm not going because so and so will not cow-tow to my wants."
He is flying his colors for all to see if they are willing to see them. Stick to your guns hon. That man is trouble and you are not doing any of your family members a favor by caving in.
2006-12-16 00:54:22 · answer #1 · answered by snowelprd 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all you say he was getting on your neice I take it that is his daughter? If it is then no matter where they go he has every right to "get on her" or correct her if he wants to. It is his child and just because they are in YOUR house doesn't give YOU the right to think you control them suddenly. Sorry, but it doesn't work that way.
If you asked your neice to do something and your sister's boyfriend didn't know about it and got mad at her, how is he bossy for not knowing and just trying to correct his child? Maybe you do owe him an apology..
Also, since you just couldn't let it go you should have talked to your sister instead of confronting him and picking a fight, what do you expect will happen when you do something like that?
2006-12-16 03:23:05 · answer #2 · answered by Jenniphur 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does your sister say about all of this? How old are they? You are the blood relative. What kind of support are you getting. Put this in perspective. This doesn't sound like a good relationship for your sister at all. No show for a special holiday feast? If I had been your sister, there would be no further need to discuss this male. Be polite and considerate of your sister but don't tolerate less than civilized behavior from anyone to your family.
2006-12-16 00:45:36 · answer #3 · answered by Teacher 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would play that as cool as a cucumber, your home your rules PERIOD. To undermine u (or anyone who's home you're in unless you are real close to the host) is just so distasteful & says more about him. Well, I'd say "I'm sorry u feel that way. But if u can't show my family & myself respect, why would I want u in my house in the first place? It's too bad, I'm making a kickass dinner & everyone's comin to my place:o[ Oh Well, Merry Christmas" jerk. He sounds young & unintelligent.
Now I really would say that, I have no problem laying out jerks where they belong. Don't let this meanie get to~ u Merry Christmas.:o]
2006-12-16 01:43:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't apologize to him exactly -- there is a saying "your house your rules -- my house my rules" -- you can kindly remind him of that and tell him you plan to have a great time with out him. After all he is just a boyfriend of your sister not like they are married -- but speak to your sister, ask her what she would like you to do - let her know how insulted you were with his behavior at your house. You should do what your sister wants you to do - if you disagree with her you can tell her. you should also ask your mom -- she might not like him anymore then you do -- or -- she might just want to keep the peace for now. It is always best to get opinions from everyone involved before making a decision. I hope I was helpful
2006-12-16 00:39:36 · answer #5 · answered by d2bcathie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if he can't be respectful in your home and treats your niece like that then how does he treat your sister? i think maybe you should discuss with your mom that its OK if he does not come because he is not welcome. Christmas is supposed to be a time of family and joy not obnoxious jerk with inflated god complex time.
Merry Christmas!
2006-12-16 01:49:54 · answer #6 · answered by BuddhaDaddy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you'll have a nice Christmas without him there. The best gift of all. =)
2006-12-16 00:27:24 · answer #7 · answered by rckchkhwk 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sadly I don't believe he will be missed at Christmas....why should you have to apologize when he is crossing over the line.
2006-12-16 01:24:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are right. Its your home not his,he shouldnt come in acting like he owns the place. You should talk to your mom. He sounds like what you described.
2006-12-16 00:28:54 · answer #9 · answered by d2poolplaya 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he needs to grow up. I also think that he is trying to cause problems with your family. If it were me I would get rid of this jerk.
2006-12-16 00:31:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋