my boyfriend and i had a argument last week and hes been sleeping on the sofa since. i dont know whether to call it a day or give it another chance. the reason we had the argument is that he cant open up and tell me things, like when i do something that bothers him, he just lets it build up and then causes more trouble. also i am very sensitive and insecure so i need someone to give me constant reassurance and affection, as he cant open up or let his feelings out i dont get what i need making me miserable. i love him to peices but love isnt everything. im having trouble weighing up the good from the bad. help
2006-12-15 22:59:49 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Im the same as you, i need that reassurance that a partner gives you but there comes a time that you need to put those things aside and ask yourself are you going to be happier without him when you could end up with someone who's constant reassurance is just lip service to your insecurities or do you want to be with someone who you know loves you and cares about you but doesnt give you that constant reassurance. You may also need to ask yourself what do you want out of the relationship? Why did you get into it in the first place? I know these questions are hard and there are no easy answers coz i have been where you are and i have just gotten myself hurt because i was in the relationship for the wrong reasons...As i have constantly told by my mum and my friends and at one stage a counsellor...you cant love someone until you love yourself. And for the days things get really hard if he wont open up to you find a really close friend who you can confide in and who can pull you back to reality. I hope everything works out for the best for you...coz i know how you feel.
2006-12-15 23:18:30 · answer #1 · answered by dragonfly_princess_72 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cant force someone to open up, they gotta do that themselves. The reason why you need him to open up is coz you wanna feel closer to him, which is natural. But you say youre insecure and need constant reassuance........so do you see the real reason you need him to open up is because you need to feel close to him which will make you feel more loved. This is a cylce that has no end. Youre insecure for particular reasons and it has nothing to do with your boyfriend. It has to do with your childhood and how much or little love you were given by your parents and family. When we're growing up its vital that we recieve enough love and affection from our parents because if you dont when you get older it leaves a gaping hole inside you that longs to be filled. Your boyfriend cant reassure you, ever. You are the only person who can reassure you. I mean you could go find another guy but im 100% certain the same thing will happen all over. Look its a common enough problem, i mean i had the same issues but i went to see a therapist and we sorted it out. So my advice is, go see a therapist, you can fix this, but you do need to go talk to someone coz otherwise your gonna have a tough time of things no matter who youre with. Good luck
2006-12-15 23:21:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on how long you two have been together, if it's a while then he should know you well enough to be open with you and to know how you feel about needing reassurance and affection. You need to think if things continue like this maybe you are both with the wrong person cos it will always stay the same and you'll both be unhappy. xx
2006-12-15 23:09:16 · answer #3 · answered by RUTH M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me(and I know you are all thinking 'we have answered some of your relationship questions who atre you to talk' but it's easy to give advice and not follow, no?)
ANYWAY, you don't sound like a good match, he is not vocal about things which is what you really need from a relationship. You need to know ho whe is feeling and what he thinks to stop you being insecure, but he can't do that, so really, unless either of you fundemantally change who you are then it's over.
I'm really sorry. That's what i think anyway, but you know, love is a wonderful thing, and you will never have what you have with him with someone else, but you might get something just as good, or better!
Good luck.xx
2006-12-15 23:06:00 · answer #4 · answered by CHARISMA 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
giv it a chance hun. just make him a brew or something nice to eat and give him a big hug. tell him exactly what you said on this letter. tell him that you love him more than anything and you always will but you need him to tell you when you upset/bother him. make him aware that if he criticises something you do you wont just have a sulk you will take it in your stride and try to do the best you can to resolve it. relationships are give and take, tell him that you would do anything for him and that all he needs to do in return is open up.
hope this has been of some help
good luck xxx
2006-12-15 23:06:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am pretty similar to yourself, ive had a lot of hearbreak in my life steming from my birth mother leaving me when i was younger. Anywho i was on my own a long time as i felt that the men i dated didnt give me the love, attention and affection that i so desperatley craved. I with a wonderful man now but he wouldnt open up with me to begin with infact it took 3 years for him to start saying what was going on in his head. It turned out that he also had issues but his was that i would leave him and he didnt want to get too attatched to me and open himself up in case i left.
If you love him and you know he loves you try and bear with him ease him into opening up about himself gently. Good luck tiger x
2006-12-15 23:11:23 · answer #6 · answered by princess tinkle UK 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You only get one life, why waste it on someone who cant open up to you. kick him out and get out there and have some fun. You will soon meet someone who will give you what you need.
2006-12-15 23:06:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi i have been there no how you feel, get in touch with first steps or banardos and do a confidence course. i did they are brilliant and help you stop feeling insecure and give you lots of confidence its a great start to understanding yourself then you can take on your boyfriend feelings please feel free to email me anytime you need chat x
2006-12-15 23:09:45 · answer #8 · answered by kattaibacardi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he aint ready to open up yet give him time he will. just talk to him calmly. give it another chance it just takes time
2006-12-15 23:04:04 · answer #9 · answered by Melle 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like me and bf. just talk a bit each day and he will come around
2006-12-15 23:08:05 · answer #10 · answered by girly_goth1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋