The whole time I was growing up, my mother couldn't give two sh*ts and a giggle about me and my sisters, and now that I'm all grown up, I don't need her anymore. But she's taken this idea into her head that she has to "make up" for what she did when I was younger, and she's driving me insane. She's a day late and dollar short, and quite frankly, this behavior is just causing me more pain, because I know it's just guilt on her part, rather than any kind of genuine feeling for me.
2006-12-15 21:42:27 · 16 answers · asked by Becca 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm about to 24. I've got a good job, I'm self sufficient, and I live on my own. I don't need her anymore. I don't need to be taken care of.
2006-12-15 21:46:56 · update #1
how i see it, you haven't forgiven her for not caring about you or your sisters. now that she's come back, you're showing her pretty much the same respect she showed you. thing is, you need to realize that your mother may have good intentions. people have a way of turning around in life and realizing their wrongs. my mother was never there for me and it did scar me. but she was there when i needed her the most and it helped the both of us reconnect and now have a better bond and mother and daughter. thing is, just because you're 24 doesn't mean you're all grown up and don't need her. inside, there is still that girl inside you who is wanting her mother. realize that by playing the "i don't need you game", you will be wasting so much time you could actually use to reconnect with your mother. don't do what she did to you. it's not worth it. rather than spending time venting to strangers online, you should use it by talking to your mother. tell her how you feel and felt when you were younger. then, you will be able to reconstruct your lives and finally have peace.
2006-12-16 01:49:07 · answer #1 · answered by Shakti Svātantrya Isa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oracle - did you know guilt, if that is what your mum is feeling, is healthy and a form of healing. The fact that she is taking action is proof she is forgiving you and herself. Your feeling that she is trying to make up is your feelings.... know that is not logical and I know it may feel like that but truly what is past in any subject is gone. However, notice what you call pain, it is guilt and that is not you being a bad person it's you coming alive so try and move forward. Remember love beats the daylights out of hatred ie "loves conqours all". Lot's of honest open communication is a must to overpower hatred - ya don't want hatred to own you if that gets total control over your life it may not be so easy to get rid of.
Start with a smile and a hug and go from there. I'm sure you have many hurts - express them. She may express herself at this time also.
I didn't like it when....
I missed you.....
etc
Then comes the start of the healed relationship(in your own words) Express to her you are happy you could express yourself and thank her for listening it was what you needed most from her. Don't be mean - be true. Merry Christmas and I wish you and your mum a new beginning :)
2006-12-16 01:21:44 · answer #2 · answered by GoodQuestion 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very similar situation here. But my mother isn't trying to make up for anything. She has no guilt and feels I'm the one w/ the problems. If you really don't want her in your life, simply don't answer the phone, don't call back, don't go to family events.
2006-12-15 21:45:47 · answer #3 · answered by uknowme 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
anybody is in simple terms gentle with what they understand. This guy or woman has been in her life and been giving her hell for see you later that she in simple terms would not understand how else to stay and life with out him seems empty besides the very incontrovertible fact that it relatively is full of drama, she places up with it by using fact she's gotten used to it. SHE has to work out the sunshine to need issues to be extra useful. regrettably once you're blinded by making use of love, as she looks, no volume of talking or convincing will help. You men can in simple terms administration how this impacts your life. you are able to tell her which you do no longer want her discussing your newborn with this guy yet in essence he's her grandchild and she or he's happy with him so of direction she desires to share and which you will no longer administration. you are able to placed your foot down and tell her which you isn't there whilst it includes concerns concerning this guy, it takes too lots away out of your sanity and you like extra stability on your loved ones and he would not in wonderful condition into that image. She is grown and unfastened to do as she pleases do in simple terms no longer enable this to electrify you to any extent further than it has. with a bit of luck sometime she'll strengthen up and initiate status up for herself, till then all you're able to do it preserve you and yours. have you ever tried placing her up with somebody good? perhaps being around a known rate guy will supply her diverse attitude and help her have extra vanity.
2016-10-15 01:26:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've answered your own question! "Mum! Back off and leave me alone! I know you feel guilty, and that's why your in my face all the time! But you didn't give two sh###t's for me then, and nothings changed! So back off!!!" I think she'll get the message! Have a good day!
2006-12-15 23:42:58 · answer #5 · answered by wheeliebin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you open your heart and your mind and try giving her a chance....if you don't, trust me....one day you will regret it....maybe she didn't do everything right but she is human and all humans make mistakes....I'm sure she is trying to make things up to you...tell her what bothers you the most and cut her a little slack on the other stuff....be a better person and don't be mean....good luck
2006-12-15 21:47:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should just say "OK mom. OK mom." and not pay any attention to her advice. It's easier than trying to argue with her. It's OK to listen and pretend like you're taking her advice. It's your mom. She's trying to reach out to you. The least you can do is pretend to be interested in what she has to say. If you say that her feelings aren't genuine, then yours doesn't have to be genuine either.
2006-12-15 21:46:32 · answer #7 · answered by Sax M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you're doing well with your life and have no complaints about it. You don't need anyone telling you what to do, you're capable of making your own decisions and insist that others respect that.
2006-12-16 00:47:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you don't need her guilt, and that you are fine. say you forgive her, and it is OK. So get out of my face.
I AM
2006-12-15 22:00:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good luck... that is an ongoing struggle for millions of teens worldwide :)
2006-12-15 21:44:44 · answer #10 · answered by Simba 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋