My boyfreind of only ten months has suggested numerous times that I should move in to his house . I have two kids age 12 and 18 only my youngest remains at home the oldest in college I am not ready for cohabitation and as well for my son I feel that it wouldn,t be wise to move him to strange house new rules ,school friends ect. but my boyfreind doesn,t really see these as reasons not to move in and now he has asked for marrage and I,m not ready at all not because i don,t love him ,I do and maybe a couple years I could see this happining but I have been divorced for ten years and worked hard for my independance and to bring up my two sons so I feel that Im very happy and comfortable with the way things are .I spend alot of my free time with him at his home and he always want me to come there and he doesn,t spend any time at my home he always has some lame excuse . but when I told him i,m not ready he thinks Im just with him till someone better comes around ,any suggestions or advise plz
2006-12-15 21:33:28 · 5 answers · asked by masterdisaster 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sounds like he is more interested in himself and wants things all his own way and that he feels insecure out of his own environment.
It has been only 10 months so it is all still fresh and new. You and your sons come first. When you spend time at his house, is your son there are well or do you have to find elsewhere for him to stay? Dont forget, you and your sons are a job lot and he (b/f) really has no right to instigate new rules.
If you feel you are not ready - DO NOT DO IT
He is rushing you. Please don't cave in. Follow your gut feelings and if he cant see and honour your feelings, he is not for you. Relationships are give and take. Sounds like the b/f expects you to do all the giving.
Your young son is only 12 and will be with you for some years to come. Your 18 year old, even though at college, will want a well known and stable place to visit during vacations.
My advice is: do not be bulldozed into doing something you know deep down is not right. You have worked hard for the independence so dont give it up easily, you are your own woman. If he cannot respect your wishes then he holds very little respect for you as a person
2006-12-15 21:52:03 · answer #1 · answered by Feline Female 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm dating this great guy right now and we both made it very clear at the beginning of our relationship that I can be exclusive to him only. I can't and won't move in with him, he can't and won't move in with me and don't even talk about marriage now or ever....not an option in my life.
We do spend every other weekend at each others' house, this weekend he is here at my home, next weekend I will go to his home for the weekend and we have a mid-week sleep over at my house because we can't go all week without not seeing each other and we do live 30 mins. away from each other
We are also planning to go on a vacation together, I need to coordinate my work and school schedule to accomodate this vacation...something I am very much looking forward to.
Talk to him about how you really feel and that it isn't about something better coming around, but rather a sense of your own independance and what you feel is in your sons' best interest.
2006-12-15 23:11:17 · answer #2 · answered by "N"saysable 1iric 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well....I can understand where you are coming from....It is too soon to be making a commitment like marriage....10 months is not long enough and he is already showing some signs that you may not want to live with long term....Why doesn't he want to spend time at your home? If he wants to be with you and he loves you, you would think that he would want to spend time with you and your son in your home....also I am sure it would make it easier on you then always running to his house....Also, if you make the move and things don't work out really well, it will be very upsetting to your son....you have established a good life for yourself and your kids...don't be quick to tip that upside down...a good and understanding man would not take this lightly and would not be pressuring you so soon....take your time and don't let him push you into something that you may be sorry for later....good luck to you and your family
2006-12-15 21:41:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Set goals for yourself and get him to suggest goals for himself. Make a list sort os a New years list of things you both need to do in life, then tell him when these things are completed you will both "be ready". Go back to school, tour Europe or the US, Get a new job anything that will make you both grow and give you both sometime to grow more in love.
2006-12-15 21:39:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Break it off with him. Something is not right here. He is hurrying you and he has some hidden problems. I have a bad feeling about this. Get away and keep your happy life together until you find a better man.
2006-12-15 21:37:06 · answer #5 · answered by Isis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋