So, I've been going out with this girl from work for 2 months now. We happen to sit close by, so I have to see her everyday ... but we only get to go out once a week, if that much. I do enjoy a lot her company, and admire her in many aspects, so I'm becoming quite involved with her. Problem is, she's apparently just seeing this as a "friendship with bonus". Basically it kinds of hurts to see that i'm very low on her priorities -- I sometimes try to get her out to another movie, or restaurant, or trip, and I always get some kind of very polite "unfortunately i'm busy" for answer, besides the weekly meeting. So my questions are two: Should I insist on it ? My experience tells me that this wouldn't work, but I might not have used the right approach, so ideas are very welcome! Should I drop it and move on ? -- after all I'm sure if she doesn't want me, there others that do :). But stopping to think on her, I know, will be hard for a few weeks at least. Ideas here ? Thanks a lot!
2006-12-15 19:40:28 · 11 answers · asked by lourmm 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Many good comments, and they seem to reflect what I think as well. So I just sent a polite and open email, telling about me wanting to get to the next level, and asking what she thinks/feels about it.
If she's not up to it, I'll stop this and move on. I've had "friendships with bonus before", but with people I was more neutral about. When I'm passionate about a girl (usually there is also admiriation involved), it just doesn't seem to work, too much pain.
About if it is the man or the woman that wants to take the relationship to the next level, I have to say my experience have been balanced: sometimes have been me, sometimes have been the woman I'm with.
thanks a lot for the answers. I'll wait a couple of days for the outcome of this and post here, before I select the best answer :)
2006-12-15 20:09:09 · update #1
Tell her you'd like to take your relationship to a higher level, that you've come to care deeply about her and would like to spend more time with her. All she can say is no. Then you have to decide if you'd like to continue to see her knowing that this is all she wants, or find someone who shares more of your ideas of what you want in a relationship.
2006-12-15 19:46:56 · answer #1 · answered by 2sweet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This has become a contest of EGO for you... First rule of relationships:-- The one that loves the LEAST defines the relationship. It's like you want to prove you are 'Man' enough to bring her to you. The problem is that if having all ready made it clear that you want to develop the relationship more. She has refused your efforts. In time it's possible you will grow to resent this. She is content to keep things the way they are. So you will either accept this and enjoy it at the level it is now. Or you move on and find someone that is thinking along the same lines that you do...
2006-12-15 19:49:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she sees it as a friendhip with a bonus why don't you? i.e. just stick to you weekly meeting, don't go out with her more often than your weekly meeting and see how it develops from there.
Anyway, if your so interested in her why do you wana dump her and move into the next one if she doesn't want a relationship. It's funny cos normally guys are the ones to freak cos they don't want a relationship and girls want the relationhip Good luck anyways
2006-12-15 19:51:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would drop her and move on to someone that wants to be with you! You have more feelings for her than she does for you. Do you want to waste anymore time on her? It's normal to be thinking about her and time will help once you get away from her! When you start dating other people, she will be the last thing on your mind. Especially, when the new girl gives you the attention you deserve!
2006-12-15 19:49:27 · answer #4 · answered by September Sweetie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't call her again. She's obviously not looking for the same thing you are and unless you can find a way to accept that without hurting you are gonna be in for some serious pain.
Let someone that wants you occupy your time.
Good luck HTH
2006-12-15 19:46:59 · answer #5 · answered by Star 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her about it. Cut the confusion and find out how she really feels. If you need a relationship and not just friends with benefits than ask her for that. If she can't give it to you than find someone who can.
2006-12-15 19:45:37 · answer #6 · answered by jonc_52987 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the opposite person is interested in you can wait for hundred years for them. if a person whom you like understand your feeling about him and still hurt you every now and then , expose you in front of others , and treats you as stupid who is going at his back means it is meaningless.its better to stop rather than crying for them. if you still continue they willl hurt you more.
2006-12-15 19:49:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well either she
A) is playing hard to get & really likes you more than u think .
OR
B) she's just not that into you.
go ahead & ask her which it is....
2006-12-15 19:57:08 · answer #8 · answered by Mikez Bad Girl soCal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
move on
2006-12-15 19:56:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think she is just wanting friendship.
2006-12-15 19:45:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋