I'm 17, and I'm a senior in high school. My parents don't care about anybody but themselves. If I have a problem, and I try to talk to my mother about it, she starts whining about how she has to do this, and she has to do that, blah blah blah. My dad doesn't ever talk to me. All he does is flop down on the couch, and turn on the television when he gets home. If, and that's a big IF, he ever says anything to me, it's to b*tch about how I never do anything around the house, which isn't true. He wants me to do it all, plus go to school, since "all I do is sit around all day and not do anything". I'm so sick of them, but I can't move out for another year. I told them I was going to go to college, and my mother said "How are you going to pay for it? I'm not paying for it."
2006-12-15 19:33:37 · 26 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Oh, sure, but they b*tch about having to pay for all that too. I'm a bum? Does that mean I have to put up them treating me this way?
2006-12-15 19:38:47 · update #1
And yes, the problems I have are valid. They are not trivial like nail polish. No, I don't pay a mortgage, but emotional problems are just as important
2006-12-15 19:43:49 · update #2
Excuse me, but this isn't even my computer. I'm at a friend's house, who has seen first hand how my parents are. If you think I'm just looking for attention, then why did you bother to answer? You don't know the crap that I have to put up with.
2006-12-15 19:54:09 · update #3
i disagree with the people who think u are being ungrateful....... i think u have some valid points...... afterall, the main thing u are interested in is bettering yourself by going to college. well, if they won't help u financially, u are left with only a few options...... u could try getting a weekend job, so that at least u have some kind of income, and i think that u should also try getting some professional advice. not entirely sure who would be best to talk to , but u could try making an appointment with the citizens advice bureau. they might be able to help u find information on how to get a loan / grant that would help further your education. or if they can't help u, they should at least be able to point u in the right direction. hope this helps.
2006-12-15 20:01:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you have a failure to communicate. They think you are being trivial and you think they are being dismissive. The only thing you can do is look at the things you are complaining about and make sure in an adults world they would be important. For example, you needing nailpolish is nothing compared to the mortgage payment.
If you find your ideas are valid, talk to the school counselor, they will have good advice for you and how to handle things on your end.
Try to talk to your parents calmly and rationally one more time. Explain to them that you feel they are not listening, and not hearing you. If that doesn't work you might just have to accept that this is the way things are and you will be out in a year.
****after your multiple updates***
I can see why your parents are dissmissing your complaints, you do not 'listen' to what is said to you well enough to 'hear' what it is. I would bet the problem is on your end and not theirs so hang in there because in 12 months you will be gone. What would be a neat exercize is to save this page and all the answers, and revisit it when you are in your 30's. Then you will see what myself and several others mean.
2006-12-15 19:37:16 · answer #2 · answered by Star 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your feelings are valid. The best advice I can give is put up with it for another year and then get the hell out of dodge. If you support yourself, school loans can be very generous. Check out your state run Universities. If you research your colleges well you should be able to find a college with the degree you want AND reasonable credit hour rates. Do NOT let them discourage your hopes and dreams.
Get a part time job, save some cash and leave when your old enough. In the end, you can only count on yourself. Take control of your life, and show them you what your worth.
2006-12-15 19:57:17 · answer #3 · answered by Poppet 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
OHhhhh, that's terrible that you don't have the support of your parents, especially at this time in your life.
I can really relate to your situation, as my parents were the same way. Understandably, I know how feeling this way can make you feel isolated and uncared for.
If you can find some time to sit down with your parents, tell them that you have something very serious to discuss with them. Make it during a time where everyone is home, and you know there's nothing that will distract you all, or pull anyone away from that time you need when talking to them.
Regardless of whether or not your parents seem like they're not paying attention, or even care to talk to you, it's important that YOU keep the lines of communication, open, so they know how you're feeling, whether they like it or not.
You can be as firm as you want with them, or you can let them cut you off, making you fall silent. Either way, the choice is yours on how willing you are to stand your ground, and be heard. Voice yourself clearly, letting them how you feel, right away. Use the "When you ....., it makes me feel....." And then move into details. By this time, if they haven't interrupted you or gotten defensive, then I think they're ready to hear you out, completely.
After all is said and done, just know you've done your part, and acted as the 'mature' one in the family. You've put an effort into trying to resolve the family 'distance' and the ball is in 'their' court, now....
2006-12-15 19:42:46 · answer #4 · answered by argamedius 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Some parents just dont get it. they dont understand how hard it is and when the communication breaks down people (not just parents) start talking about not doing anyhing around the house!!! First of all I would schedule atime to talk to you parents. I would explain to them how you are feeling. write up an agendah and talk about issues. Dont be attacked by them follow the agendah and talk about the issues that are effecting you. You feel they dont care about anyone but themselves. If you have a problem they dont listen but they tend to talk about other things. That you dont feel that you and your dad realy talk. ASk him when was the last time we talked dad - and wait for his answer. Dont attack them other wise the meeting turns into an attacking session with people speaking over each other. Set up a roster where it is agreed that you do certain house hold tasks and this way you can demonstrate that you do things.
Do you have a part time job? Maybe you need to get one and put money away for your future. It sounds like you are very depressed about this situation which is understandable. If the communication has really broken down maybe you could speak with a school counsellor or a trusted adult friend?? I hope things work out and I hope you are able to get the communication working again because it realy sounds like nobody is communicating effetively - just a lot of whining and bitching with people feeling unhappy and not listened to.
2006-12-16 09:31:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
i had similar situation. I left home many years ago. They seemed to be concerned about me now. Too late... are you working? Do not let your education mess up because of them. I don't think you will need to pay any college fees. Get yourself a job and do your own thing. I can understand how hard it is, even tho I'm used to getting the abuse from my parents and i try and ignore them, it still hurts wen you hear your mother sayin that she wishes you werent born. But i say **** it!!!1i shall live my life for me,,,, So you do what you have to do. Get out and make a life for yourself.. Good luck babes!!!!!
2006-12-16 02:25:27 · answer #6 · answered by saika 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
OMG. This is so my house. I'm 39 now but I'll tell you we still have problems. I just fought w/ my brother tonight. They will never admit to they have ever done anything wrong. Never. When I tell them how I feel I get dismissed and told I'm the one with the problem. and yes, I am because I'm still hurt by the treatment I got then and still get now. You have to move on and better yourself. Accept that they won't change and you can't make them give you the love, support and friendship you desire.
2006-12-15 19:38:33 · answer #7 · answered by uknowme 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Mine were the same way and when I turned 17 I had had enough of them saying..."when you pay the bills you can make decisions"...among other things so I moved out and got a place with my boyfriend. They legally can't do anything. The police will just ask if you can stay with someone or provide for yourself. Trust me i would know...
2006-12-15 19:39:58 · answer #8 · answered by monkeysgirl04 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry for the pickle you are in...you must really hurt about this and I commend you for speaking your truth. Your parents have been broken for a long time. It's not your fault, or theirs, but broken they are. It is going to be up to you to find your way to happiness from now on. Maybe you can lead them by your example. I'm so sorry to hear about it though. There are others out there who have a grasp on what is important and if you seek them out and try and visualize what you really want and need in your life, it will happen. Just stay possitive, and realize it is your life to make of it what you want...nobody else's.
2006-12-15 19:39:16 · answer #9 · answered by STY 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The teenage years are the worst you are just starting your life they are middle aged and at the chilling out stage,I'm a middle age mum my youngest are twin girls age 25 i could not afford to put them through college but we looked into it together and found you can get help they also got weekend jobs to help out.now one daughter lives in Australia with her boyfriend one here in UK with her wonderfull boy friend they are settled and i love them dearly but oh do i miss them not being home i have two boys older with family's to,i am not just mum i am there best friend too and that is how it should be so enjoy your life and tell them to read this because when you move out they will miss you big time and it will be to late for them to wonder where they went wrong.Good luck with college and do it get into a good college and ask for help if you cant afford it GOOD LUCK.
2006-12-15 20:06:35 · answer #10 · answered by Carol B 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋