Suicide - Right or wrong..brave or Coward?

Question

Been contemplating it since i was 8 years old,i used to self harm all the time from mild cutting to trying to hang my self etc.I'm not nuts (I don't think)?Why do i feel like this every time i get down or depressed.I live only for my children but i fear when they grow up and have there own lives i'll deffo go through with it.Whats wrong with me?

Answer 1

I've not read the other answers, so I hope I'm not just repeating things that others have said.

I'm sorry that you are having these thoughts - it is very distressing and upsetting, and can really make you feel you are going crazy. Its not the sort of thing you can talk about to other people, and often, we are too scared to get help from the doctors - we are worried that they will over react and section us (they only do this if you are a real danger to yourself - not if you are having thoughts - I know this from personal experience.)

Are you being treated for depression? If not, I hope you consider visiting your doctor. Can be quite a painful thing, opening up to someone about your illness - but remember, it is that - an illness. You are not to blame for how you feel, and there is help out there. Various things might help - conselling, congnitive behvaioural therapy, antidepressants, physcotherapy and many other things. Sometimes just talking about it can help. As you've suffered from a young age, could it be to do with something in your childhood? I know all too well the struggle to cope with life after a traumatic event, and its possible that if something happened to you that you are suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. Speaking to your GP would mean you could get a valid diagnosis - there are several things it could be.

Now, there are things you can do to make yourself feel better - not a whole lot better, but a little bit, just to help you get through each day until the depression lifts a little. Try and stick to a routine - go to bed and get up at the same time every night. Try to sleep for around 8-10 hours a night. Eat 3 meals a day, make sure they are healthy and nutrious. Get washed and dressed everyday. Get outside for a 30 minute walk everyday. Write lists of your goals - all the things you need to achieve that day such as posting a letter, vacuuming or phoning someone. Tick them off as you do them. Try and keep up activites that you like - read, watch tv. Don't isolate yourself - speak to family and friends, socialise, go visiting. Especially with christmas approaching. I know that these may all sound like silly little things, but when you are in the depths of depression, they tend to go out the window - I do know this. I got out of bed at 1:30pm today, and I'm not dressed yet. I know I need to, and I will try my hardest to get outside today. Just focus on getting through today.

Self harm isn't a good idea, and you know this, so I won't preach and tell you why not to do it. I'll just say that if a small part of you doesn't want to cut or anything, do try and fight it. Just focus on getting through this moment without harming yourself. If you do feel like you are at risk, talk to someone who will understand. I've found it invaluable to have a friend who has also been through several severe bouts of depression and suicidal thoughts - I know they are there at any time of the day or night to help me if I need it. Try and talk to people when you feel low - trying and talk to someone before you get in to that 'danger zone'. I use a scale to tell people how I'm feeling, from 0 - 10. A two or under means I'm at risk of self-harming and I'm having bad suicidal thoughts. I find it easier to admit to a friend that "I'm a one", that to say I'm thinking about cutting or something. If you cannot talk to someone, you can always go to A&E if you are feeling suicidal. They won't lock you up, its just a safe place for you to go to talk to someone.

My thoughts on suicide - I don't see it as cowardly or wrong. I thing it is a sad, and tragic thing, and something I don't want anyone to go through with. I wouldn't wish suicidal thoughts on anyone - it is a horrendous thing to have to live with.

But, there is help. Please try and take it. If you want to talk, you can email me via my profile. Take Care xxx

Answer 2

I'm really sorry to hear you feel this way, depression is a terrible thing and is an illness no one really understands unless they have been through it themselves.

There are several things you can do, but first and foremost you need to go to the doctor. Everyone gets depressed or down now and again - life just has that effect on us - but you have said you have had these feelings for a long time, years even.

It could be something as simple as a chemical imbalance causing you to feel this way and your gp and his counterparts will be able to help you. Please don't feel you can't go because of stigma, as I said it is an illness like any other and can be treated.

Secondly find someone to talk to properly either a trusted friend or a profession counsillor. I don't mean a shrink, just someone that can listen to you and ask the right questions so you can deal with any ongoing issues.

Finally do something for you to help boost your self esteem and confidence. Take an assertiveness course and join you local drama group. Try doing some things you have always wanted too.

One last thing, just because your kids grow up it doesn't mean they don't need their dad anymore. I am an adult and I would be devestated if my dad committed suicide. You can still be an activate part of their lives and you will always have grandchildren etc to look forward to.

Answer 3

Let's get the right/wrong and brave/coward thing out of the way first. These judgements don't apply. It's natural for someone in chronic pain to seek relief. But if you had chronic pain in your leg would you cut it off or go to a doctor to find out what's wrong? Why should it be any different if the pain is in your brain? There are medications for that, too, although it may take several tries to find one that works for you.

Call a mental health hotline, ask your family doctor for a referral, call the number on the back of your insurance card, do anything you can. You should be evaluated by a psychiatrist, though. They know the best meds to use. There are always newer and better, but if money is a problem there are also a lot of good generics by now. If you had high blood pressure, you'd be on meds for the rest of your life. A lot of people are. This is no different. If it started that young, you may be looking at something that can be managed in the same way. If you have children, it's obvious that someone else saw something worthwhile in you, too. If the disease can be managed, it shouldn't be allowed to take that good part of you away from everyone in your life.

Depression is a big deal but it can be treated. They say women have depression at twice the rate of men, but that's being questioned now. Men don't show it the same way. Men don't get weepy until they're right on the edge. Men get angry, and then get suicidal. Men commit suicide four times as often as women do.

Depression isn't a weakness. It brings the bravest and strongest to their knees but it's a condition that can be treated. Please give it a try.

Answer 4

If, as you say, you've had suicidal thoughts since the age of 8 it tells me that you have some serious and deep rooted issues unresolved since childhood. If you have never sought professional advice I would strongly suggest that you do - that is not 'giving in' of 'being weak' it is actually a very strong and positive step. No-one will think badly of you, far from it.....seeking professional advice should be applauded as it is a brave step and the first real acknowledgement that you have a problem which needs dealing with.
I've been suicidal myself, in the past, and I now how difficult it can be to get passed that and to take positive steps but, you know, I personally know have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand it could be considered brave to try to end ones own life and yet...........how cowardly not to face up to whatever the problems are. So, over time, I've come to think it is braver to fight the internal demons. Just my point of view, and I by no means think that my view is necessarily the right one.
Once your down times are got through there is always something to be upbeat about. For now it is your children, later it might well be grand children. But as others have said, if you did commit suicide do you really, in your heart of hearts want to leave your family feeling the guilt that they somehow failed you and should have been able to do something about, which I suspect, they have no idea you are feeling?

Answer 5

Generally I think suicide is wrong, but I don't really believe that people that commit it are bad or that they're going to hell or anything. Maybe they did the best they could and I can't judge them, but I do know it's not generally a good or heroic thing.

Personally I think suicide is a desperate act because of the way the person feels about life or the way they see things when they do it or try it. Maybe they want a pain to end. Sometimes they just desperately need help, but don't know how to ask for it in another way. I can't really call it brave or cowardly, but desperate. I don't see any glamor. Yeah, some rock starts killed themselves and they became famous afterwards, but it didn't do them much good, did it? Was their music better because they killed themselves? I doubt it, though maybe they had to examine things about life more because of the way they felt.

Suicide usually isn't a good solution since it's going to hurt the people who care about you a lot, and there are probably other ways out of the feeling you get that makes you want to do it.

Even if you wait until your kids are grown up, do you think it won't tear them up inside? They might be able to handle it a more as grown-ups, but it will still hurt them. And if they love you they will want you to stay on this ride of life for as long as you can.

Even people who have currently lost all that is worthwhile in their lives still have possibilities for the future. Life is precious, whether it is your own or someone else's. Respect your own life and the good things you sometimes do in the world. Give yourself credit. If you can't live for yourself, then make the world a better place and live for the people you're helping to make it better for.

Answer 6

I know a few people that are mentally stable but have these bouts of extreme emotional times. You're probably not "nuts" but I would seriously consider looking into signs and symptons or bi-polarity and depression. Even if you are most postive that you do not have these dieases, I would most definitely go to see a therapist. They aren't just for the depressed. They can help on many levels. With this high level of emotion professional care and suggestions could prove to be very useful. Even talking candidly about it in a secure environment might be of use.

In terms of suicide, that can be looked at from many different perspectives. Some may think it is brave that you are willing to face death and be rid of the horrors of life. Another view would be to say that by escaping those horrors one is taking the easy way out. Sometimes a suicide is made for medically practical reasons (Freud did it, not because he was depressed), such as not wanting to go through the pain of chemotherapy.

Aside from whether or not you believe it is right or wrong, you must ALWAYS remember to put things into perspective. "Is my life truly terrible?" "Is this triggering event something that I can get over?" "Who will this affect?" Keep in mind that you'll always be a mother to you kids, whether they live two miles away or 2 thousand miles away. Despite the distance that is a lot for a person to absorb, especially if the person who died is someone as close as their mother. I feel suicidal, A LOT, but it's important to step back to see your life as a bigger picture. Also when you see it in those terms, you can see a way to improve your circumstances. Additionally in those terribly trying times, if you can, getting out of where you were when this emotion hit you can help. Going to the movies or walking in a city can help you remove your problems of the moment and engage you in other thoughts or feelings. Calming techniques such as that can help coax you out of that state. Write, draw, listen to music, do what you need to do to neutralize and you might end up feeling pretty good.

I hope it gets better.

Answer 7

I don't think it's wrong or cowardly but that's not to say I think it's right either.
I believe that no one is in a position to judge those who make that decision except those who have been there and not even then really.
It isn't cowardly to stand on the edge of a building, cliff top, bridge and want to throw yourself off nor is it cowardly to tie a noose for yourself, use a sharp knife to cut yourself and hope to bleed to death or to swallow as many pills as you can.
Personally I think that those actions take a hell of a lot of guts. Many people say that it's selfish and that they're not thinking of others. Selfish; maybe, that's debatable but I can guarantee that they have thought long and hard about the ones they are leaving behind, how do you know that in their state of mind they truly believe their family and friends will be better off without them.
There are many reasons for suicide. Some people are thankfully capable of dealing with/coping with intense emotional pain but some aren't so they take the only way out that they see.

You are right, you are not nuts but you do need help. Feeling like this isn't right and there is help out there. Please talk to someone, it can get better, I promise.

Answer 8

You're not nuts. But you're definitely hurting.

It sounds like you've been suffering from something or other since you were eight. Possibly depression? I would suggest seeking professional help to figure out what's going on that you've felt this way for so long. There is help out there and it can help you get rid of these persistent thoughts. It will also help you to enjoy your life more.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And yes, even though you've been experiencing it since you were 8 it's still a temporary problem since I'm sure there's help out there for you.

It is not brave to take your own life. It's not cowardly either. It is, however a selfish act. A person who commits suicide is picking the easy way out of escaping pain, and bringing pain upon everyone who is left behind. Even when your children grow up you will still be a parent. Can you imagine how they would feel if you killed yourself? The void that would be in their lives? I have friends whose parents have committed suicide and trust me, you never get over it.

Please seek professional help for this. You have so many joyful years of life ahead of you if you only reach out for help.

Answer 9

Hi, I completely identify with you, except I didn't turn to self-harm but was anorexic as I thought I would starve to death. For me, personally, every time I have been at that point, I have decided to do 'the brave thing' and face up to life. I am not saying that people who commit suicide are cowards, I think they have lost the ability to see that they still have a choice, maybe. I honestly believe though that those of us who feel like you do will be more fulfilled by trying to do something good with our lives and looking back on this at the end of them. Life is a gift, and you will have a lot to offer the world (I know it doesn't feel like it, but would you think that of anyone else). Maybe try counselling, or even something spiritual like a retreat. As one who had a mum who lived just for her child, start to value yourself and take time for yourself, as I wish my mum had.Take care.

Answer 10

I dont believe suicide is wrong really. Some people think it is, and that's okay if they do, every person is entitled to their own beliefs. What I dont agree with is how so many peoply try and force their opinion on the subject onto others.

When it comes to your life, no one's(and I mean no one's) opinion or point of view should matter but your own. If you truly want to die, go for it. If your not sure, but are tempted too I would suggest against it. Either way, I think it takes some balls and a lot of courage to kill yourself.

Probably the only reason I haven't is because of the effects it would have on those around me. Since I dont mind either way(being alive or dead) I've stayed alive just to save them the drama.

Answer 11

Personally I don't think there are any Godly punishments that go along with it.
My best friend did it.She shot herself in the head..
I've also.considered it,and alot of people do.
I went to several suicide groups after my friend's death ,because they say that sometimes those closest to the victim,have a tendecny to copycat the victim,when they can't shake the despair and grief they feel over the suicide.
Now,I think about it less,but on occasions I do.
Suicide when you have children is the worst form of abuse towards them ,no matter how old they are,and there is a high possibility that they will follow in your footsteps,but who cares,you'll be gone right?
You could consider the impact of that once you get over the,"I'll show them"feelings.You're gonna die someday anyway.I guarantee you are.Why not see what happens naturally.It's not really a moral issue,just a simple decision.A decision to live..
Also,Anti-depressants do help me.I'm not out of it ,but they curb my depression imensely.Hope you figure out how to stay living-you may even find out you mean things to people.
Do like I have to do and pull your head out of your ***..I like to think about me alot,and suicide is selfish.So what,right.Well,on a good day,I forget to do it,and I'm still here.PEACE.
PS-People DO LOVE YOU..Even times when your head tells you they don't..Your head will lie to you ,so always remember the REAL TRUTH......YOU ARE LOVED............