How can I maintain my patience with my 4-year-old?

Question

I have a 4-year-old going on 15! I love my son, but he's been driving me and my husband nutts the last few months. He memics me, talks back, delibrately does things he knows he's not supposed to do, and most importantly, doesn't listen most of the time. He refused to take time outs, and even though I'm not a fan of spanking, I have done it a few times, but that doesn't even help. Even taking away privileges, like watching TV doesn't do it. How can I get him to understand that I'm the boss, not him? I find myself constantly disciplining him or telling him "no", instead of enjoying our time together. I know he's probably acting like a typical 4-year-old, but what can I do to make life more pleasant for all of us? Any tips on how to keep my patience?

Answer 1

I have the same problem with my 3 year old but it's getting much better... You need to sit with your husband and decide exactly which situations and reactions your son does that is unacceptable, and you both need to agree and follow through because if you go back and forth and your son realizes that sometimes it works with mom and other times it works with dad, it gives him mixed messages and he knows that he might get the attention ( negative or positive) he wants if tries hard enough. CONSISTENCY is key: if you say something goes, that's that and he wont like it, might scream, talk back and such until he realizes that he can't win no matter how hard he tries. It will probably take up to 2 months but be strong and NEVER give in because you'll be back to his manipulations as soon as the opportunity arises. Put him in his room ( take away the things he can throw), explain to him that he will only be allowed out is when he has calmed down (he may kick the door, cry CRY CRY, ask for you even beg but don't even ackowledge his actions by talking through the door because that is still attention to him. Wait until he calms down, explain to him one more time (talk to him at his level, kneel down and ask that he look you in the eyes) and give him a hug and praise once he settles down. I asure you that soon when he does something wrong and you tell him he's going to go to his room, he won't want that and will learn to respect you and your husband.
Good Luck

Answer 2

It sounds like you have tried everything, I too have a hard headed child and two that did mind without problems,they are in their middle 20's and she just stopped giving me trouble,now that her 6mth old is throwing the same fits she did(like mother like son). you need to find something he loves and every time he is bad take it away but leave it in view so that you can refer to it and why he can not have it. I babysitted a kid that 4 and he cursed me out every day I broke him by taking things away he really wanted and praising all the good that he did. I learned from my daughter spanking only works if the child has endangered themselves or others. My nephew used to be bad I got him at eight I have spanked him 3 times, 1. caused bus driver to almost wreck,2. ran out in front of a car,3. told his girl playmate a vile incestuous statement, none of these things has he done again, grounding and taking away things work for him. At 4 he may not truly get what he got spanked four but continually enforcing the corner or taking away favorites might, don't let it get out of hand like I did or you might be dealing with drug,jail and prison like I have with my daughter only if I could go back I would have done more discipline and less "oh, she'll grow out of it" . Love but be firm they must realize you make all the rules and that somethings you will not tolerate.

Answer 3

There's a couple of things. First of all, choose your battles and stick with them. Find the things that are most important to you and press them. Try to ignore the small things that don't really matter so that you don't make them into a bigger issue. Bite your tongue.
Try hard to find something good that your son is doing and focus on that and ignore the bad, when possible. If he is sitting quietly at the table, but he is deliberately making a mess with his food to get your goat, tell him that you like the way he is sitting so quietly and ignore the mess. This will shape his behavior. If he is looking for attention he will start doing good things to get your attention. If he is trying to push your buttons, he'll learn that his it's not working. Start working on making yourself fun. Maybe listen to his mimics. There might be some truth in it. If you are nagging him, maybe you are annoying him.

Answer 4

Do you have other kids? Maybe you could shower them with attention for behaving correctly. Ignore him when he starts & give him no attention do not talk to him until he says something nicely.
He is hooked on getting a frustrated reaction out of you :be a blank wall. Respond positively to him when he behaves right.

If you are out somewhere when he starts in have the strength to pack him up and go home. You will only need to do that once.

If you need to guide him physically to do something or something that is routine and he is acting out complete the activity without talking. He will beg you to start talking to him again. He is old enough to say sorry. I love the Supernanny show ; some of her more structured ways of dealing with problems were very good. Maybe picking up her book or the website will help.

Oh, almost forgot I worked with kids and yes I know it is not the same as having one but , the staff members developed silent signals when we needed someone to step in so we could step out to avoid becoming overwhelmed. We would take a walk to regain or composure. You need to have that with your spouse or another adult. For reasons I will not go into your kid's behavior is mild compared to the issues these kids had the trick is not letting on what has happened.

Answer 5

Okay, right there..."he refuses to take time-outs." He is in control now. I take my son into his room now for time-outs and shut the door.

Also, it should be only one NO, and then bam...time-out. If you're saying no all the time, then YOU are not doing something right.

Also, for every negative there should be six positives given. We have a chart that rewards his behavior. If he brushes his teeth, listens, goes to bed etc then he gets a star. You can come up with the reward.

Good luck! Try more positive techniques. I know, easier said then done!

Answer 6

I really wish I could help you. It sounds like you have done everything. Maybe an outside source could help you. Sometimes kids will listen to a figure of authority when they don't listen to their parents. The hubby should help with the discipline. Seems like your son would listen to him. You could always send him to me, I'll get him straight. I have two boys, and they know I mean serious business. They both tower over me, but would never disrespect me. I've never really had to discipline them. Just when they were old enough to understand, I nipped in the bud early. I know this doesn't help, but I understand.

Answer 7

Being consistent is the key. That means for you as well as your parents, husband, etc. Use punishments that are appropriate for his actions. For example, take something away from him that he feels is really important and tell him that he cannot have it back until he behaves better. Stick with it! Ignore the tantrums and stick with it. Also, reinforce good behavior by giving him something special. Just always remember, you're the adult and you're bigger than he is. Don't let him run your life. Good luck.

Answer 8

What are his favorite things? When starts playing up try and distract him by suggesting something really fun and interesting to do.
When he is being very naughty you could try totally ignoring him until he calms down, don't respond in any way to the naughty boy. When he is good praise him as much as you can. So you are reinforcing and praising him for good behavior and giving no response whatsoever to the bad, hopefully he will get the message. GOOD LUCK

Answer 9

my wee women continually throwing tantrums. i could on no account evaluate drugging her lol. I commonly take issues away that she likes, pc, cartoons and specific journeys to the park etc till she starts behaving extra useful. i've got additionally all started a decal chart so as on a daily basis she is sweet she'll get a decal and 5p, if she's undesirable she gets no longer something and if she's particularly undesirable she'll lose a decal. on the top of the week if she has adequate funds she'll get to decide on a candy on the shop. so a strategies that has been tremendously effectual! do in simple terms no longer supply in, on no account supply in! additionally watch large nanny and issues like that for suggestions. good luck

Answer 10

I have four boys and my 3rd child will be four in march and he is like that,his brothers never were.He throws temper tantrums in stores if he cant get what he wants,he gets into everything,he is mouthy and stubborn.I dont know what to do with him sometimes and im praying that when he goes to school he will calm down...he is my wild child and i definately raise him the same as my older boys but he is a unique person as is your son.Just keep redirecting him when he does something unacceptable and dont lt him rule you remember your in charge.