The bride wants us to provide for a large rehearsal dinner, including guests like her grandparents, and I am not sure who else. I am serious about our income, my husband is ill, on short term disability from work, we are right now going to food banks. We can not even make it from month to month. Our son is a college student, works part time, and his opinion is, "its her wedding, she should have what she wants". We are going to be meeting her and her family over Christmas, (we live 3 states away, and another son is paying our way to come visit for holidays). We don't know how to tell this priveledged girl that even a "frugal" rehearsal dinner is out of our means. Should we talk to her family when we meet them, and let them know our "reality"? At this point, I don't even know how we will even be able to afford to ATTEND the wedding, much less pay for the dinner!
2006-12-15 17:06:02 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I don't think that you should begin the rest of your lives based on a lie. Tell her family and her the truth. Don't try to bash her idea of happiness because it is related to her "big" day and she will see it hurtful. But, be honest. Don't be embarrassed, we all go through things, that is a part of life. But, I really think that you should be honest about what you are going through. . . your job right now is to be strong for your family. Strength doesn't come from stress and trying to pull this together will only cause you and everyone else more stress than you really need right now. Either they will understand and make other arrangements or they won't. But, be honest and as soon as possible. Don't put her feelings aside because it is out of your means so it is frugal to you. This is very important to her which will be very important to your son as well. You don't have to bash her idea in order to get sympathy in regards to what you are and aren't able to do. . . good luck.
2006-12-15 17:14:37 · answer #1 · answered by FlaGal 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I do not think you should spend one dime, if your situation is like that.
It is not the parents' responsiblity to pay for ANYTHING at their childrens' wedding. That is the responsibility of the bride and groom ONLY.
If other family members VOLUNTEER to help with some costs, that is icing on the cake. It is NOT required. Just because two people are getting married does not make them "DESERVE" anything.
Do NOT come at this discussion topic as if this was a responsibility of yours, and unfortunately you cannot fulfill it because of your situation. (That will make you sound apologetic, as if you have done something wrong or are failing in some way! You are not!) Come at this issue as it is NOT your responsibility to pay for anything you did not volunteer for. It is the bride and groom's responsibility, and they should not have ASSUMED you were going to pay for something beyond your means.
You need to seriously talk to your son and his bride about THEIR responsibilities for planning a wedding THEY can logically afford, and finding a way to pay for it.
It is positively RUDE that this bride is dictating the details of a rehearsal dinner she expects someone ELSE to host! That is like farming out bills to your family, that you had no say in. Totally inappropriate. She needs a Miss Manners book, and fast! Tell your son to give her one for Christmas as a "wedding planning tool."
Do NOT get yourself worried or worked up about this, and do NOT lift a finger to start planning a rehearsal dinner until this bride and groom get some sense of reality. They are both behaving really badly!
*Deep Breath* ...Once they come back down to earth, see if you, jointly with the groom, can manage to have a rehearsal breakfast for the wedding party at your home-- like maybe a bagel and danishes tray, or something else simple. Or a pizza-party lunch. If YOU are the hosts, YOU decide what sort of modest event it is, and what is served and how much you will pay. Not the bride.
2006-12-15 17:41:02 · answer #2 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why is your son getting marry when he still in school.. he need to know how to make money to set a family... and can afford price stuff for his furture wife.. then he know what it going to cost him... Anyways I am sorry what going on.. BUt you should talk to the her family about it.. and make them understand what the problems.. And the girl should understand... hey remembe wedding if for two people who love each other and person who for both side to pay for wedding stuff.. And i do not think you if need reheasral dinner.. when i got marry we just had wedding and the cermony... and my parents were happy.. i was young but still have to see if you can afford it first..and most it should be both bride and groom paying for wedding.. And If you do plan to have rehearsal dinner.. Just have family cook... a big dinner... and have some where.. or if wedding in spring or summer and rehearal dinner can be bbq or home made dinner... and you do not have to have large rehearsal dinner that a lot of money to spend.. Just remember.... She would be your daughter-in-law soon... So she has to understand you guys.. Is she planning this wedding for herself.. it seem as...
2006-12-15 18:03:18 · answer #3 · answered by babyg 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You first need to sit down with your son and explain reality to him. He may be oblivious to how things are financially. It is his responsibility to explain the facts of life to his bride. Though it is "customary" for the groom's family to host a rehearsal dinner it is by no means "required". Even if you were in a position to host a dinner the type and size of the dinner would be of your choosing not the bride's. Tell your son that you will attempt to attend his wedding but you will not be able to provide any financial assistance. She may be privileged but it isn't your task to fulfill her wishes. Talking with her or her family about these things is not your job. You should be able to meet them, get to know them and enjoy your time with your son and his bride without the emotional drain of such conversations. If your son is old enough to marry he is old enough to know and appreciate the facts as they are.
2006-12-15 17:25:27 · answer #4 · answered by BlkJac 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just be honest. It may be embarassing to have to share some of the details - but honesty is always best. While it used to be the groom's parents responsibility to provide the rehearsal dinner, those traditions are no longer followed and there is no rule saying you need to provide that if you can't. Yes, it is her wedding, she can have what she wants - she can also have the bill:)
2006-12-16 10:27:29 · answer #5 · answered by Chrys 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously, your son knows your financial situation just by what you wrote. I would reiterate that you and your husband would love to provide an elaborate rehearsal dinner for the wedding, but you both can't even afford feeding yourselves let alone a bunch of people. If he still has issues with this then speak to his fiancee. He may have not informed her of your situation. If she was any kind of a decent person, she will understand.
2006-12-15 17:17:33 · answer #6 · answered by Jay S 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
The bride and groom should not EXPECT that others will pay for thier wedding, especially during this time.
You should talk to your son and future daughter in law about it, BEFORE you meet with her parents (so you won't have a huge scene if you decide to tell her at her parents place), and state that due to your current financial situation you won't be able to pay for a rehearsal.
I hope your husband feels better!!
2006-12-16 09:52:13 · answer #7 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Confront her. The truth may hurt but tell her--Look, we';re poor, you insensitive bride to be. We'll do our best but we can;t afford what you suggest. Better yet, tell them to elope or go get hitched at city hall.
Wouldn't it make more sense to spend whatever money on a home than one day. After all 1/3 of all marriages end in divorce...sorry, but this one is looking headed that way.
Do NOT be shy about stating the truth ever. Swallow your pride and state your case.
2006-12-15 17:43:16 · answer #8 · answered by fugutastic 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear about your situation... and I hope it gets better. Personally, I don't think your marital status changes your son's ability to receive ssi. Unless of course they look at your husbands income then Iguess that's another story. I think you should consult with someone who really knows the answer to this question.
2016-05-22 22:47:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like a spoiled brat! Your son should understand that you can't afford it. I thought it was customary for the bride's parents to pay for the wedding? Tell the parents you can't afford what she wants and let them deal with it!
2006-12-15 18:09:38 · answer #10 · answered by His Angel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋