2006-12-15 16:49:29 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"
"Of course you may. What can I do for you?"
"Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid that they'll confiscate it from me. Is there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her. The Customs Officer asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, "God bless you, Father, go ahead."
2006-12-15 17:58:04 · answer #1 · answered by Mary 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Alot of my fav jokes are too rude to put on here. But here is one of my favourite clean ones: A burglar is in the middle of looting a house when he hears a voice call out: "Jesus is watching you!" With a start, he turns around to look but there is no-one to be seen. He calms down and continues to search for items he can steal. Once again a voice calls out: "Jesus is watching you!" He scans the room and notices a parrot in a cage in the corner. He smiles to himself and says to the parrot: "So you're Jesus are you?" The parrot replies: "Hell no, my names Polly....Jesus is the huge rottweiler in the doorway!"
What the hell was the answer all about from S T of India? She must have a screw loose!!!!
2006-12-16 04:44:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two blonds are watching the six o’clock news. On the news a man is standing on a bridge threatening to jump. The first blonds says “I bet you £5 the bloke does not jump” “OK” says the second Blond “your on”. Moments later the man jumps.
“You win” said the first blond “here is your fiver” “No keep the money” says the second blond “ I cheated ...I watched the five o’clock news and knew he jumped” “No take the cash” says the first blond “I cheated as well for I watched the five o’clock news as well,,,I just did not think he would jump the second time”
2006-12-16 05:23:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Subject: Too smart for first grade
>
>A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The
>teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart
>for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than
>she is! I think I should be in third-grade too!"
>
>The teacher had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While
>Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal
>what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy
>a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to
>the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed.
>
>Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed
>to take the test.
>
>Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Harry: "9"
>
>Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Harry: "36"
>
>And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grader
>should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think
>Harry can go to the third-grade." The teacher says to the principal, "Let me
>ask him some questions?" The principal and Harry both agree.
>
>Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of? Harry: "Legs
>
>
>Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
>(The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!)
>
>Harry: "Pockets"
>
>Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
>
>Harry: "Pants"
>
>Teacher: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
>delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" (The principal's eyes open
>really wide and before he could stop the answer....)
>
>Harry: "Coconut"
>
>Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
>
>Harry: "Bubblegum"
>
>Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog
>do on three legs?"
>(The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer..
>)
>
>Harry: "Shake hands"
>
>Teacher: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I' sort of questions, okay?"
>
>Harry: "Yup"
>
>Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I
>get wet before you do."
>
>Harry: "Tent"
>
>Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The
>best man always has me first."
>(Principal was looking restless and a bit tense)
>
>Harry: "Wedding Ring"
>
>Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me,
>you feel good."
>
>Harry: "Nose"
>
>Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver."
>
>Harry: "Arrow"
>
>Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of
>excitement?"
>
>Harry: "Fire truck"
>
>The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put his ***
>in the fifth-grade, I got the last dozen questions wrong myself."
>
2006-12-16 01:44:06 · answer #4 · answered by emanl a 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
2006-12-16 01:32:36 · answer #5 · answered by gormenghast10014 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
The word 'funniest; cannot be inscribed becasue Jokes are infinite and we hardly know 10% of it.
2006-12-16 03:58:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
For the sake of "answers.yahoo.com" I'll keep this one clean.
Santa has Alzheimer's.
Last year he was making his rounds and forgot an ENTIRE State. So the governor of that state wrote him a letter. And it stated, "Yes, Santa, there really is a Viginia!"
I know a lot more, but I do want to keep these clean.
2006-12-16 00:53:32 · answer #7 · answered by Don R 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Here is one:
Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what`s wrong.
"Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"
"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.
"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."
"That`s great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"
"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I`d get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn`t show."
"Sensible" says Jeff.
"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."
"And what happened then?"
(Paul slumps back over the bar again.)
"I kicked her in the face."
2006-12-16 01:24:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
way 2 long 2 post...cause im going to bed. but way 2 funny not 2. maybe i will hit u up in the am.
2006-12-16 01:01:26 · answer #9 · answered by jocelynnicolep 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't know...probably some one that appealed to me many years ago but not now. Or maybe a golf joke.
2006-12-16 00:51:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋