I know this little girl, she is 8. She has 3 little brothers, one that is 7,2 & 10mos. Now i took this little girl shopping once, and i got her some gloves and some boots, (along with a lot of other things). And now, not even three whole months later i saw the gloves on the 7 year old's hands and the strings from her boots on his shoes! Her mother also always has her taking care of her other little brothers. Like she is always changing the 10mos old's diapers and her mom is always telling her to "look after ___(the 2 year old)" like it's her child. Also, the girl told me when we were shopping, that she has to sleep in the living room on the couch! apparently they only have a two bedroom house and her parents have one of the rooms and her brothers have the other one. But i always thought that in a case like that the parents would be the ones with the living room, right? Because of this, this little girl has become incredibly responsible, do mothers usually do things like this?
2006-12-15 16:48:20 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Oh, and i can't really talk to the mother about how she raises her children, because i am only 15, and i don't have any children, and i don't feel i have the right to question the mother's parenting
2006-12-15 16:53:33 · update #1
Me and her mom talk, but her mom is the type of person that doesn't like anybody, not even other mothers, to tell her anything about her kids. And it isn't like she's older and knows everything, i think she's like 22, and people that have kids and grandkids try and give her little tips, and she won't take them.
2006-12-15 17:04:24 · update #2
I need some time to find a best answer. I might have to ask my mom...
2006-12-16 13:31:03 · update #3
Yea, sounds like my mom a little... I'm 24... but when I was living under my mom's roof, it was crazy for me growing up- I practically raised my youngest brother- babysitting every day or night- all summer long... changing, feeding, playing, putting to sleep, even got up with him in the middle of the night. I'm proud I did it, but I missed out on a lot of kid time- to just have fun. Summers I had to stay in the house all the time and do a long list of cleaning- and my mom would yell at me if I did something wrong by accident....or not the way she wanted it cleaned. This poor girl... I really feel for her... she just might grow up to resent her mom... but at the same time, it could also make her a better stronger person. It did for myself- I now have a 14 month old of my own, and I know I will never make my son do some of the things my mom made me do... not only that, I want my son to know he's loved- I didn't always feel loved by my mom- yelling at me all the time, etc. I love my mom greatly... and I long for a good relationship with her... but I might never get one... so I strive to make my son happy and so that he feels loved...so far he's doing great! I get lot's of compliments on how happy he is... that makes me proud :)
I'm sure this mom won't listen to you- you can always try to give a little input... just don't get upset if she shrugs you off. But it could never hurt to at least try. Goodluck, and sorry! You sound like you'd be a good mother someday :)
2006-12-15 17:18:39 · answer #1 · answered by m930 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I don't like that the mom is putting so much responsibility on her or taking the gloves from her. That just isn't right.
However, there isn't any law that I know of that says a child has to have their own room LOL Sorry but if that was the case, I know a lot of families who would lose their children.
I also would hesitate to report them to CPS unless there is actual ABUSE going on. CPS will rip her out of the home and put her into foster care which may or may not be a better situation. There are good foster homes and rotten ones--we've all heard the horror stories.
This is a tough situation because if you talk to the mother you risk alienating her and then you may not be able to make a difference in this child's life. I would probably handle it by befriending the mother as much as possible and then saying things like, "I remember being (insert girl's name) age. It sure was nice to have my own space to escape to when my little brothers/cousins, whatever were getting on my nerves."
You basically plant good ideas into the mother's mind. She may not have been parented well and may not know how to be a good parent to this child.
You could also tell her about a family you know where the older child was watching the 2-year-old and the little boy drowned in a neighbor's pool (true story--happened to a family I know--it was horrid becasue the older child blamed herself and she was only five or six).
Little things like that can make a huge difference. Then, just try to spend time with the child when you can and let her know that you think she's very special.
And no, most mothers don't do these things. The few times I've had my 13-year-old babysit my younger daughter, I have paid her just as I would any babysitter.
Lori
2006-12-15 17:05:22 · answer #2 · answered by lorilou 3 · 4⤊ 3⤋
That little girl has way to much responsibility. She should be a child. I have four kids, 2,3,6 and 11. My 11 year old is responsible for keeping her room clean and putting away laundry and she cleans the bathroom occasionally. She is a big help, but not my slave.
Just be the girls friend. It seems as if she enjoyes your attention.
Mom is probably overwhelmed with responsibility, especially if she is only 22. Sounds like she could use a parenting class. maybe you could see if your community has any free ones available and drop some fliers by for her. maybe you could leave them with their mail. Maybe your Mom could talk to her. She needs to be able to step out of the situation and look at her little girl. She probably isn't doing it on purpose, it's probably just easier for her and the littl girl probably likes helping her Mom. It just snowballed into something thats not normal.
Good luck.
Be the little girls friend.
2006-12-16 03:23:18 · answer #3 · answered by beanietara 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A child that is 8 years old sleeping on the couch is wrong. This mother has no idea what she is doing to her child. Key word: Child. An 8 year of should not have this much responsibility. She needs to grow from a child to a teenager to an adult. Not Newborn to adult. If your not comfortable talking to the mother about she is raising her child, you might want to talk to your own mother about the situation and see what she has to say. I know in some states if there is not a bedroom for each child, its considered child abuse.
2006-12-15 17:01:08 · answer #4 · answered by Ashley K 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The mom is dumping on her daughter and making her grow up way too fast. I had a very similar childhood, being the oldest, I felt like I was the mother of my brothers and sisters at times. I was babysitting by 8, changing diapers, feeding, bathing and putting to sleep. Its not a very happy time for this child.
As a mother myself now, I would never do that to my kids. I have a 7 yr old and I never make her do that stuff. She helps me out every now and again and has to clean her room, but she is a child and will be treated as a child. And if my home was not big enough, then Yes, I would be on the couch. It is very important for a childs development to get a proper nights sleep every night. It seems as if this woman is very neglectful of this little girl. It is very good of you to be concerned. How close are you to the mother, have you every tried to talk to her. Its a very tough situation to be in as a friend. Just be there for the little girl when you can.
2006-12-15 16:57:49 · answer #5 · answered by MRod 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Unfortunately, there are many families throughout the world that live in poverty or near that level where families struggle to make ends meet. The oldest child usually looks after the younger ones. So, yes, it's common to see this happening. Thus, the child doesn't know how to be a child. Sadly, but they tend to perceive life differently than the carefree/well sheltered children. Some, in adolecent they may become seriously rebellious..becoming another cycle of the past. This is why the wheel keeps turning in that area. Just like Domestic Violence, and other judged areas.
So, YES, it happens.. we can't change it. And it's not child abuse in some areas. Who is to say..unless you see her extremely mistreated than you should do something about it. However, remember it's a lot of headache.. when you want to fight for her right... You got more bad than good. But the fight is always worth it..to you.. I know so, I always fight for the child rights. Do remember when you do get involved..doors get shut. You are automatically the bad person.
2006-12-15 17:10:24 · answer #6 · answered by jcsas_2000 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Seems to me like Mom didnt want all these kids thats why she asks the older one to do everything. Kids should come first Id sleep on the floor and give my child my bed if I had to. Unfortunatly theres nothing you can do. Maybe call children family services and be annonomouus tell them whats going on that you think they are mistreating the older child. Theres probably more she hasnt told you. If social workers come out the mom might wake up and realize what she is doing. Untill then just try to be her big sister and give her the best advice you can and be there for her as she needs you good luck and God bless
2006-12-15 20:32:09 · answer #7 · answered by Catie 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Food for thought. Makauley Caulkin's dad made him sleep on the couch while Makauley was supporting his family with his movies roles....
It's sad. The little girl is being robbed of her childhood to play parent and as she approaches puberty the loss of privacy she suffers from not having a bedroom is going to make things seem even greater a struggle.
2006-12-16 03:13:00 · answer #8 · answered by Jennifer V 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I agree with you and cannot STAND that type of parenting. Like it was the little girl's choice to have siblings! But most people would disagree I think...and there's nothing you can do. I'd be pretty upset if something told me how to parent or tried to "give me little tips" on it.
2006-12-16 09:49:21 · answer #9 · answered by chelleedub 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think this is just awful that this mother is putting so many responsibles on her. Goodness she is only a child herself. If it were me I would have the welfare depatment check on this, you never know their may be some form of abuse on the little girl. I pray not. Better to be safe than sorry.
2006-12-15 17:01:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋