My 7 year old daughter is a brat.What should I do?

Question

I have 4 kids and number 2 is the most difficult.Her teachers say shes the sweetest girl they know, shes in advanced reading and math.Shes always a super helper at school.At home its totally different. I ask her to hang her coat up and she ignores me. She tells my boyfriend that he needs to get out of the house anand that its not his house(though he pays all the bills and works 2 jobs so I cn be a stay at home mom) I try to spend extra time with her reading and playing what she wants and still shes mouthy and talks back.She yells and screams at my younger two children constantly.In fact I dont think she can go five minutes at home without screaming and whining about something.I have tried taking toys away and grounding her from this and that and nothing works, it just gets worse. PLEASE someone help me!!

Answer 1

spank her.

Answer 2

There is a different between discipline and punishment. Discipline involves taking things away from her such as toys, television, or other things she likes. It can involve sending her to bed early. Punishment involves spanking or anything physical, which could lead to what is called abuse. There are ways to get her attention without going to the extreme. Try some of the tactics of removing things that she enjoys. Remove them for a certain amount of days. Then, if this still doesn't work try timeout. She can never have too much sleep at this age. Send her to bed. It may be her way of saying that she is tired. Then at the same rate talk to her about your boyfriend. Try to find out why she is upset. It must be something at home being that she doesn't act out at school. On good days, reward her. Rewards can be encouraging words. Or you can go out and buy her something that she really wants.Girls seem to be easier to raise than boys. This has worked with my daughter, who is now seventeen. It is working working with my son who is seven. Oh, now sometimes I do have to spank him. But you don't want to do this too often. Only when you feel that things are really out of hand. And when you do, make sure to explain why you did what you did and that it hurts you to do that. Explain to her that you love her. Give her a hug and hopefully this will work. It sounds like she is seeking more attention from you. Although you may be busy with the other children, take a special day out for her. Maybe it can be a day where you and her go out to eat. Or when you go grocery shopping, maybe it can be where you and her go alone. Give her some responsible, so that she feels that she is helping you. Let her know that when she misbehaves, you don't like it. Maybe this will work. It has for me with the last seventeen years. I am often told by others that I have very respectful children. She will at sometime come around. And if you and your boyfriend have disagreements, don't allow the children to be able to hear it. Good Luck

Answer 3

She is doing it for the attention. They say that some children will get attention any way possible. You could try sitting down with her and talking to her like an adult. I did this with my 6 year old after yelling and being mad and frustrated. I told her why what she was doing upset me and what we needed to do to get things under control. I didn't actually think it would work because she was young, but surprisingly it worked way better than yelling ever has. I'm also not surprised about the boyfriend thing. When I was growing up my mom had a boyfriend and I remember being very jealous of him even though she did pay attention to me. I remember wishing that she wouldn't be so sexual in front of us kids. I don't know if you are, but maybe if you are you should be aware that kids are actually quite in tune with grabbing eachothers butt's etc. It might sound silly, but it truly could bother her like it did me. Also, if these things don't work, you could try counseling. We had a counselor come to our house once a week, and we could talk about anything with her together as a family or alone. It might make your daughter feel better to know that you are aware things aren't perfect and that you want to help fix them. Good luck- your gonna need it when she hits her teenage years!!

Answer 4

1. Being a Brat is IN and supported by Parents and Entertainment >.> (Now would be a good time to use that emergency time mahcine.)

2. Is she on Medication? That is what alot of meds do.

3. What faith are you,.. certain people that are very faithful have this problem,.. >.< Not that they recognize it until their teens are pregnant and then they are still in fantasy land.

4. What is her IQ,.. demand her IQ test because Schools are jerks and if a kid is smart they don't let the parents know the results.

5. Some times this happens to people... they can be perfect and put on an act and stress out over something then some other part of their life they explode.

6. Have her checked for mental and learning disorders,.. they will probably just say only ADHD or something and try to medicate her but get better testing done with as much detail as posible and look deep into it,.. not by the Stereotypes you hear in movies... classic saying " I'm a scitzophernic and so am I" is such a clash along with Bipolar... Scitzophrenia, Manic Depression, and Multiple Personality Disorder are completely different... but most Stereotypes and phrases smash them together. [Do Not Medicate her,.. it destroys Glands, parts of the brain, and more recently Organs go out quickly,.. like the Liver, Kidney and Stumock.]

7. Never give up and never expect the correct answer until it's too late to help :/ Humans Suck.

8. More testing,.. just check her ears to begin with some times it's that simple... someone won't communicate or don't realize there is some build up in some part of their ear and an infection and it sends their health, mentality, hearing, and balance off >.< Just one little problem area is all it takes and they are crabby and loud. Next step is haveing test for senses (ears & eyes are usually all anyone cares about). Then get back on the Mental and Learning Disablity testing truck.

9. May I suggest if any recognition of Higher Intelligence exsist towards her already that you look into Montasory schools (I can't spell it). They are schools that let every child go at their own speed, they look good for College and Job Resumes and some times students get their college covered in school. However they cost money.

10. Middle child just realized she feels absolutely pointless and worthless in the ranks of your home. She is giving a reminder she exist and is an indivual.

11. Have competely private conversation with her without your Boyfriend being there. Maybe she over heard something and has misinterpted it. Like a conversation between him and his mother is makeing her think he is going to abandon you. Maybe her friend's parents or her classmates have been putting stuff in her head.

Answer 5

Simply put, this child does not respect you or your authority. I don't know you, so I can't pinpoint exactly what it is that is making her act out with you, but it isn't really a problem with her, it's her problem with you that is causing this. She acts perfect in school. It shows she has extreme capabilities to be respectful and well-behaved at school with teachers and administrators and when she comes home, she has no regard for you for whatever reason.

She obviously doesn't like your boyfriend. Have you asked why? How long has he been living there? I'm a little puzzled by the arrangement of someone who is not your husband or their father coming into a house you obviously lived in before meeting him and then taking over all payments and immense financial responsibility for you so you can be a stay at home mom for children that are not even his. And personally, I can't believe you'd let him.

Your daughter is obviously advanced in school and very bright, is it possible that she is simply seeing something your other children are not which is causing her to not trust you or this man? She wants him to leave, which means that something about YOU or your household has changed dramatically since he moved in. Maybe it was your personality, or the way that you acted around her, or the time you got to spend with her, jealousy, or even the way he acts towards her.

If she is pleasant during the extra time you spend with just her, then she could be acting out to get attention because she's jealous. If she's still rude when you try to spend the extra time with her, you can be sure that it's probably an issue with her respecting you. If she has any amount of trust in you, I think you need to approach her quietly when you are both alone and out of hearing range from her brothers or sisters or your boyfriend. Calmly explain to her that her behavior really hurts your feelings and you feel like you are not being a good mom if she is acting this way. Let her know that you care about her, love her, and are extremely proud of her behavior in school and that you'd really like to know specifically what has caused her change in mood. Let her know that you trust her completely and will work your hardest to fix any problem she brings up because you want to see her happy. Let her know that you will greatly appreciate her honesty and that she will not get angry with anything you tell her.

Children have so much to say as long as you ask them the right questions at the right time with the right tone. So make sure you dedicate this time to her and that you greatly wish to help fix what's bothering her.

Obviously the parenting needs a major overhaul because it's not working, and there's so much that can be changed that you would be best suited to simply ask her what's bothering her, and then change your parenting accordingly.

Answer 6

We also have four children and #2(now 8yrs old) is a challenge and yet can also be the most responsible and helpful at times. I tend to think that all children have a natural bend or way they are going to tend to go all we can do is our best to straighten that bend or guide it in the way we know it should be. Be firm with her but keep investing that extra time you won't be sorry if you've done your best no matter how things turn out. may I suggest she is reacting to the home situation (missing her Dad) and it is just showing up in this way try to find the root of the problem and work from there. Sorry but Kids don't come with manuals and as soon as you figure them out the change.

Answer 7

The middle child is usually the most sensitive to slights on his/her dignity (real or imagined). The reason being that she all too quickly loses the undivided attention of the mother, unless the kids are spaced at least 3 or 4 years apart. Another factor here is the 'intruder' , your boyfriend. Regardless of whether he supports you or not, he is YOUR boyfriend. He is a man other than her father who has taken her mother away and therefore an 'intruder'.
Much as I hate to say it, YOU are the problem rather than the child as she has shown in school that she can be personable, charming and a hard-worker in school. Obviously the teachers recognize her talents and reward her for a job well done. She perceives you as someone who just gives her orders. You and your boyfriend will have to make every effort to make her feel special, make her feel unique, that her presence is important to you. It's not enough to say 'I love you'. Show it by your actions, by the smile on your face when you see her and talk to her. Give her your undivided attention when she comes to talk to you.

Answer 8

Your question has made me so sad.
Your daughter needs LOVE and acceptance and structure. Something she is finding at school obviously and not your home.
It is totally SCARY that you are backing your boyfriend and not your daughter. Your loyalty is totally wrong and misguided. Our children should always have our love and support no matter how they behave.
She doesnt like your boyfriend. Why? No reason? Come on. You dont sound that stupid.
It speaks volumes that you are bad-mouthing your child on Yahoo Answers.
You could try to speak to her teachers.
This child does not need any more discipline. She needs LOVE. From you.
Please back your child over your boyfriend.
Would you consider going to counselling with her? Sounds like she is very insecure and doesnt 'trust' you. No wonder, if you are supporting your boyfriend over her. But she is testing the boundaries. Pushing you to see where your limits are.
Please reconsider your stance on this. She is not a 'brat'. She is troubled. You gave birth to her, now do everything in your power to help her before it's too late.
May God bless you, your daughter and your family.

Answer 9

I am not sure what the relationship between your daughter and your boyfriend is, but it should only be as friends. Not a father/daughter relationship. Meaning he should not play a role in the discipline. However she should show respect for him as any of your friends. This doesn't mean he can't play a role in her life, just not as the bad guy, that's your job, lol.

Now for the attitude she is showing you, spanking is the best solution after you have tried other methods (which sounds like you have). Remember, never from your boyfriend, but from you. I would do what we call our 3 strikes rule for her bad behavior or being defiant. first time=warning, second=taking toy, or privilege away, third=spanking. With my oldest 2 daughters, I have only had to give one spanking each for our 3 strikes policy. They always do what is asked after the warning.

For the spanking, If you don't make it something to remember they won't work. This is what I would do. Take her into her room, or privet place, pull down pants/panties, lay her across your lap, and spank her bottom red. Just remember though, never do this in anger, you must be calm. I suggest making her sit in her room for a while to think about why she is in trouble, before actually doing the spanking. This give you both a chance to calm down first. Afterwards remember to give lots of kisses, and hugs. Have a long talk about what your expectations are of her, and what is acceptable and what is not.

I know this all sounds kind of harsh, but this is coming from a mom with 3 girls (ages 3, 7, and 10) your daughter is getting into a tough stage. The more strict and firm you are the better behaved she will be.

Best of luck to you

Answer 10

I'd seek some counseling to find out what the root of the problem is. Children don't just act out for no reason. There may be issues she is dealing with that you are unaware of. I'm sure it's tough being a middle child, plus you have her in an unstable home environment by living with a man you aren't married to. Sorry, but it's the truth. There has to be a reason she is telling your boy friend to get out too. That is pretty nervy and confrontational for a 7-year-old. There is something driving that behavior.

I know you probably don't want to hear this, but I think it is better for you to rule out a sexual abuse scenario than to ignore this problem and hope she "outgrows" it.

One of my really good friends just found out that her 14-year-old daughter was being molested by her husband of 6 years. This happens so often. He was a supposed "pillar" of a man yet he was doing this. I'm not saying your boyfriend is, I'm just saying you need to seek a third party to help your daughter express what is going on with her.

If it was just her personality, she wouldn't be a good child at school and horrid at home. She'd be horrid everywhere.

I hope things get better for you and for her.

Answer 11

you raised her............

stop giving her extra ANYTHING.
normally the middle child does not like any chaos around them. are the younger kids being loud or getting on her nerves?
there is a book out by Jan Tober and someone else about 'indigo children' check it out. these kids are very intelligent. their brains work differently than most older people (over 20). they have a way of 'knowing' sometimes. they also don't like rules or step around them. they don't care if you take their toys away. they don't care if you tell them 'wait till you dad gets home' - they laugh at it. i think they like to push buttons.
one way of dealing with them is to be totally honest with them. instead of saying something like 'stop it' , explain in detail what you want her to stop and why (you better have a good reason , too.). eg: stop telling your sister what to do because i'm the mommy and she won't respect me as her mommy if you keep telling her what to do. that's mommy's job. do you understand? (wait for an answer - don't let her just walk away, she will loose confidence in your parenting abilities).

some suggestions.........