My ex's mom had some guy call my house, pretending to be my ex. Am I wrong to be ticked off?

Question

It's a long story, but basically I stopped allowing my ex mother-n-law to call my house about 3 years ago. She was constantly butting into my business, making decisions for my son that only a parent has the right to make and she was getting to the point of harrasment. I had asked her many, many times to not call past 8:00 p.m. and she continued to do what she wanted. She would leave messages on my answering machine to my son, telling him that "his mother wouldn't let her talk to him". My ex would send her to pick up our son, and she would show up whenever she felt like it, whether it was 2 hours early or 2 hours late. After telling a lawyer all of this, he advised me to block her from calling my house, which I did. Well, the other day, a man called my house and asked for my son, when my husband asked who it was he said it was my sons dad. When my son got off the phone, he said it was his grandma and his dad wasn't even there. She has got some guy to pretend to be my ex.

It is not that I don't want my son to have a relationship with his grandma, I just don't want to have to deal with her. I didn't have a child with her, I had one with her son. If she was more NORMAL, things wouldn't have ended up this way, but after years of dealing with her acting as if my son is HER child and like she has the right to make any decisions concerning him that she wants to, I just simply got tired of dealing with her. I thought that I had finally managed to find a way to not have to deal with her, because she hadn't called in over a year, but i guess this is her sneaky way of getting us to get my son on the phone.

It isn't that this woman doesn't see my son. My ex has visitation rights, and I have never kept my son from him. He only exercises his rights like every 3-5 months, and in fact he usually lets his mom exercise his rights for him. He hasn't seen my son since July. She does see my son, but she just acts like he is her child, and has always tried to control everything concerning him. She actually went behind my back about 2 or 3 years ago, and took my son to her church and got her preacher to baptise him. I am a Christian, so I certainly am not against my son being baptised, but when he is ready (which I don't believe he was) and certainly not behind my back where I was not even allowed to be there and share in it. That was something that was my right, as his mother, to plan and be a part of. She used to take him to the doctor every time she saw him,even for a simple cold, like she was trying to get a doctor to say I was neglecting him.

Answer 1

Wow, your ex-mother-in-law sounds like a power-tripping *AHEM* that refuses to accept your right to set limits (sorry you hit a nerve with me)
First of all, calm down, and make a decision to talk to her bluntly after telling her that you do not mind her seeing her grandchild once in awhile. She may be just freaking out because she wants to see your son very badly. Explain kindly (muster it) that you will let her see him, if she respects your rights as a parent.
Discuss your limits. Frankly discuss your desire to be the only one who makes certain decisions in his life, and that in no way is it meant to be a slight against her concern and love for him. This should be irresistible to her if she isn't completely insane.

(added later)
ps. You are right that it's disturbing, and it is only within your EX's discretion to allow his mom to see his son. Grandparents don't have a LEGAL right to see the grandchild (as disturbing as this may sound to some who don't differentiate between legality and morality) She has no right to be calling to your house, and you should call the cops because this is harrassment and you could find out about LEGALLY barring her from calling your house. Since the laws vary from state to state, you need to talk to your attorney, as I could not give you right advice on this matter. Not all states have recourse to peace bond, as my husband says.

Answer 2

Us Grandmas have no hurdles high enough to stop us from getting to our grandbabies.

Yes, I can see why you would be ticked off.

But take a step back a moment and look at the whole picture. As irritating as the woman was to you in the past, she is your child's blood relative. She obviously loves him very much. There are many, many grandparents out there right now that could give 2 hoots in hell if they saw their grandkids or not. You have a grandparent , although not the perfect one, that loves your child. Don't deny your son his grandmother. If you do, one day he will resent you for that decision.
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Now that you added details that she hadn't called in a year, it does change my advice somewhat. It sounds more like she is of a control freak than a grandma. Did she have your number that entire time? I just can't fathom not seeing or talking to my grandchildren for a year.
This is going to have to be your decision, there isn't enough space to give all the details. Just act on your own instincts.

Answer 3

They both need to grow up and move on. The Ex needs to let go and the wife needs to deal with it. She knew what she was getting into when she met him, if she could not handle it then, she needs to move on now! My husband and I have been together for 11 years and he has no kids with anyone else, however I am friends with his ex girlfriends. I choose to be the better and bigger person by putting the past behind me. Your friend needs to do the same. The ex is going to be a part of all of thier lives, like it or not. She has kids with the man and has a right to be in the picture. Your friend needs to put her feelings aside, no matter how awful the ex can be. She needs to be the bigger person and no stoop as low as the ex. Maybe your friend should think about asking the ex for coffee and the two women need to sit down as adults and relize they too are a part of each other's lives. They need to be good role models for the kids as well. Myabe the husband is sick of the fighting!!

Answer 4

That's bizarre, and scary at the same time. You're asking if you can be ticked off? You can feel however you want to. If you wanted to ask something along the lines of, "What should I DO about this situation?"... I would consider changing your phone number altogether.

Answer 5

I was sued by my daughters fathers parents for visitation but they soon found out because I was not married to their son and he wanted nothing to do with her that my concerns of forcing him to see her through them would be devastating to her. I told them over and over that they were welcomed to visit her, take her shopping or to wherever but that I would draw the line at extended visits at there house out of concern of her seeing the man who wanted nothing to do with her and they were not sastified with that. I invited them to all of her functions, they never came. I feel they were going to use her physically to throw her in his face and that did not sit well with me. Because they lost in court they never contacted me again. They were told by the judge that if and when the father has a relatioship with her that my concerns we valid. The father did take me to court when she was 6 and found out he had visitation rights all along and he never excersided them and he was put on supervised visits for atleast 1 year, he still has never seen her. He called about a year ago wanting to see her, well she is 14 now and he still has to be supervised and when she spoke to him on the phone I told her I would do what ever she wanted and she told him she was happy to know he does exist but that he did not want to know her and now she does not want to see him. In Michigan they just have to be 12 to make that decision and he waited to long and I will not force the issue as long as she is content with her decision, I would personally like to see her get to know her father but it is not my call.

Answer 6

Uh no you r not wrong 2 b ticked off! I would b ticked 2! Call the cops, & get a restraining order!

Answer 7

File a police report and record future calls for evidence.

Answer 8

restraining order. Get one. This one looks like she may potentially be a threat to the childs mental and possibly physical health.

Answer 9

Change your phone number. Don't give it to your ex either, you need to communicate through a trusted family member or a lawyer obviously.

Answer 10

It's crazy but it hurts your son too. Tell your ex and his Mom to act like adults or you will take them to court and file harassment charges on her.