Do most stay-at-home moms believe we all could do it, if we just managed money better?

Question

I am a working mom. I wish I could stay at home, but I married a man with 3 other children, who pays child support and who also carries insurance on his children, our daughter who has a medical condition, and my son who's father is a dead beat and won't get insurance on him. After all this, his bring home is only about $250-300 a week. After paying our mortgage, home insurance, groceries, electricity, water, phone, etc., we would be lucky to break even. Certainly no extra for birthday or Christmas gifts. We certainly wouldn't have money left over for emergency things, like what has happened to us in the past: busted hot water heater, blown up car engine, gas leak. I have seen some say that you can make due with one car. What if that one car breaks down? How would the husband get to work? How would the mom take kids to dr. appt., or to school? Why don't people understand that every family is different, and that some moms have to work? Not to have Coach purses or diamond rings.

I am sure not all SAHM's feel this way, but I have seen quite a few on here (I won't give their names) who do feel that way, and have basically said that we are selfish, that we just live too frivilously and we should cut down on our expenses and we wouldn't have to "let daycares raise our kids". Maybe if my husband made $35+ grand a year then I wouldn't have to work. But he only brings home about $22-24 grand a year. That is not enough to properly support a family of 4, as well as pay child support on 3 more.

I was a stay at home mom for about 18 months, and because of unexpected expenses over the past 3-4 years, we have over $7,000 in debt. If I didn't work, my husband certainly wouldn't have enough left over to pay off that debt. We bought a house that is about 28 years old, because we thought we could do alot of the maintenance ourselves, but we have had so much go wrong and haven't had the money to pay for them, that we charged them on our credit card. Maybe one day when we get most of our debt payed off, I could stay at home. But by that point, by house will probably fall completely apart. LOL

Answer 1

Don't listen to the women who tell you different.

I think most working mothers can afford not to work--some--but I'm not here to judge anyone. I don't know their situation. I don't know their pay at work nor do I care to.

I'm sorry these women said these thing to you. It's sad when people assume things they don't even know.

EDIT TO ADD:

Oldschoolmom---so, you are saying she should live on welfare having no quality of life rather then working? You don’t know this woman and you need to keep it to yourself. I’ll take each accusation at a time.

1. In one of her other questions it clearly shows that one of her dogs (who was not fixed) was accidentally impregnated. The puppies came unexpectedly. Is that her fault? Maybe so--but of course you don’t think she should be getting her dogs fixed in the first place which takes me to…

2. She had to get her dog fixed so there were no puppies.

3. Did you ever think she may have gotten the four pure-breed huskies BEFORE she got married or BEFORE she had her daughter with her new husband? No because you are so quick to point out her flaws. If she is in debt you think she should sell her dogs to make ends meet? The same dogs that are owned possibly by older children? Did you ever think maybe they were her husband’s dogs and there’s been an argument whether to keep them or not? You do not know this situation either so why do you act like you do?

4. Two-hundred dollars in child support? Geez-louise! You think that would cover all of her debt, her son’s expenses, the electric he uses, the water bill he uses, the internet he uses, the food he eats and so on. I think you are sorely mistaken.

5. She never claimed to be dirt poor. Where does it say “I live in poverty…” The reason why she isn’t dirt poor is probably BECAUSE she works. Now, I’ve talked to this woman and she’s a dental assistant. I’m not too sure what her husband does but I do know he doesn’t make much. If he worked a minimum wage job--do you honestly think they could support a family of four? This includes mortgage, water, gas, electric bill, and groceries--this is just the bare necessities. What he doesn’t get insurance through his job? Lets just slam them on welfare!

6,7,8,-- Where does it mention that she even pays to go out? The Billy Bob concert was with her mom. I don’t know about her or you but most of the time even if I offer to pay while going out with my mom she ends up paying for it. So, she’s not allowed to ever go out and have fun? Not even for a day.

9. Where does it mention that she’s paying for the beauty pageant? You know children can get sponsored for those things, right? Some company could be paying for her daughter to advertise. Not my cup of tea but it’s possible.

10. I don’t like energy drinks but hey--if she does go for it.

11. Hmmm…Let’s see. If her daughter is two and a half and they got the building supplies three years ago--that would mean they bought the Koi Pond before they had their child together. It’s simple math. Children are not expenses you can predict. Like she said her child does have medical problems so there’s something to think about.

While, I agree, most working mothers could manage their money better sometime you don’t know the cards you are going to be dealt. Sometimes you don’t even realize you are in debt until you are way over your head. Sometimes you do have to do things to improve the quality of life to you and your children--and that something isn’t staying at home.

With her job she probably brings in more money then her husband along with an insurance policy. Sure, she probably does have extra money to spend here and there. Sure, she might have dogs. Sure, she might go out.

How do you feel about welfare, HUD, food stamps, Medicaid, and WIC? I don’t know about you but I’d much rather see a working mom using those programs then a stay-at-home-mother using them. I’d much rather see that money go to someone who truly needs it then someone who wants to stay home with their kids.

What I feel you are implying is--she should sell all of her things (her home, computer, her dogs, and everything else) live in a shack in Juarez (because she couldn‘t possibly keep up with an electric, gas, and water bill), eat only what food stamps provide, take away her kids known quality of life, never go out, never buy anything for her self, and just live like poor people.

All the while her husband wouldn’t be making his child support payment to his children’s mother! So not only is it one family in the poor house but two. What I don’t understand is why do you care? How is this going to effect your own children? Why do you feel the need to put others down for something they simply cannot do. I think it’s great she was able to stay at home with her daughter for the first 18 months but like she said--things happen. She had to go back to work. You don’t know this woman and you never will, so why the rude comments? What has she said to you?

Answer 2

No one has the right to judge anyone whether they are a working mom or a sahm it is up to them and what works best for their family. I do believe that the more money a family makes the more they spend on things that they could do without but it is up to them on whether or not they want to do without them. I worked and now I am a sahm. Finacially it isn't a problem as my husband makes a very good income and has a retirement check from the military we put into savings for emergencies and extra's as well as I recieve a good amount of child support. When I decided to stay home we made some changes and instead of 2 new cars we traded both of the new ones for a new one and then I got a 4 year old second hand car we have two dependable cars but only one payment, we refinanced our house and paid off all credit cards, furniture etc and saved over $500 a month. We eat out once a week now instead of every other night. None of the changes we made affected us in any way but now I can stay home and it be easier finacially. However I envy the moms who do go out and work even if it is part-time because they actually get to have adult conversation and acknowledged for what they do and we all know being a mom is never appreciated until they need something or are older!

Answer 3

I have been on both ends, I was a working mom and now I have the chance to be at home with the kids. Yes, both are hard to do. And we too had the ssame problems with the money, barely had enough after bills and food and medical problems to break even. But after we cut the extra car payments and maitnence, Babysitters fees, and letting go off some of the things we could not afford, I was able to stay home. I think that if you and your husband talk, and you still come to being a 2 income family is neccasary than there is no shame you are doing whats best for your family. But you guys might realize that staying home is workable.

Answer 4

have faith dear. If what you want is to be a stay at home mom than try to set a plan. First I would have both of you look for better jobs. Dont quit the one you have till you find a better one of course but always keep looking. Than pay as much as you can extra on all your bills to get them paid off faster. Then just start a savings account and in a few years you could have a good chunk saved up and take some time off for a little while. I am not against working moms I am one. My children are school age and As much as love them I feel useless if I stay home I dont feel like Im contributing to the finances. Good luck Pray about it and God will see you through

Answer 5

I'm a WAHM (work at home mom). I have been blessed to stay home with my two children since my oldest was about 2 1/2 but I have always had to work on the side. Luckily, my career allows me to find freelance work. Still, I took a big pay cut and there are many things we had to give up such as eating out, nice vacations, and so on. It is completely worth it to me.

My husband does not have any other children. I don't know how we'd make it if we had to pay child support. I think I'd probably make HIM get a second job though LOL Just kidding.

Hang in there. The child support will end one day and then you will have a little more flexibility in your budget.

Answer 6

I guess that some woman get so upset to hear that kids are in daycare that they get rude instead of helpful. I know that I went to extremes in order to stay home with my kids because I believe that is the responsibility of parents. My husband works in the Silicon Valley in a computer based job but he does NOT have the "Silicon Valley" income, houses and rent in the area are crazy (1 bedroom appt is $1000/month) When I had our 1st, we moved in with family, my husband switched to a night shift that paid more, we sold our house that we had owned when we were a 2 income house, payed off every debt and then moved into a tiny appt. We had to work hard, live with very little but we did get back on our feet.
I think that most people just want to make the point that you should find a way if possible, sometimes life gets in the way of our best intentions.
Why not try different shifts for you and your husband so that one of you is always home with the kids? It may be hard, but they extra money spent on daycare could be nice to spend on Christmas, savings, pay off debt or fix the house.

Answer 7

I left an office job when my second son was born. By the time I paid daycare, paid travel expenses to and from work, bought appropriate clothing and bought lunch out every day, I found that I didn't have a paycheck left anyway.

I became a stay at home mom. It was good to be at home with my two little ones. (And then I had three). However, it was financially difficult with only one income ( my husbands').

Seems to me life is just difficult. I don't know why it has to be like that. I don't even try to reason it out anymore. It just is...that's all I know. Lucky for me, I am not a materialistic person. I would never miss those earthly things. But, I would regret not having the time with my children. I am selfish when it comes to my kids, I guess
.
Yea, every family is different. We all have to do what we have to do to survive this world. I understand what you mean. But it goes both ways. I have two sisters that have always worked. They have always given me the cold shoulder because of that difference in our lives.

Answer 8

I don't know where these people who are saying they can't afford to work live. I live in NY where daycare is more expensive than most other places. I was teaching full-time when I was married and my daughter went to a babysitter (mom from my school) and I still brought home a LOT more per week than if I didn't work! If I didn't work, I would have nothing. With working, I was bringing home over $300 per week after paying the babysitter. No matter what anyone tells you, everyone is different and not everyone can be a stay at home mother or father. I am sure many of us working moms dream of it. I know I did. I was lucky that after my divorce I was able to be home with my daughter for a year and 2 months. She was little (1-2) so that was wonderful. But not everyone is so lucky. I really think that someone who tells you that "anyone" can be a stay at home mom does not know what they are talking about! If your spouse makes a lot of money, then maybe it is possible. You are not alone. (No Coach or diamonds in this house!)

Answer 9

I'm a stay at home mom. and I am only 22, my fiance is 21. We have 2 children and are working on our third. we do pretty well, we pay for everything on our own. just bought a home. We keep 2 cars incase one breaks down. which its always mine, because mine is old, but it gets me to where i have to go. right now mines not inspected and its hard with only one car, its like pulling teeth to get my fiance to take me to the grocery store and his car is stick and I cant drive it. What gets you is the child support. this day $250-$300 is not alot of money to live on. But we did it for a year. Now my fiance makes good money. Now I am a mom that would LOVE to work, just so we can have extra things. but we get by without those things. and christmas and b-days we put stuff on layaway and that helps alot. but I understand what your saying, and I really hope that things get better for you

Answer 10

I Can't speak for other mom's but I can say that I get tired of hearing that it must be nice to stay home bcause we can afford for me to do so.That is a huge misconseption (on my part at least.)I do not work out side the home for The simple fact that day care here is expencive(6-900 per month per child} So I would only be working to pay the day care. Tell me honestly what the piont in that is? There are those who have family close enough to baby sit while they are at work.I do not. And while some people have husbands who work hours that alow them to work while their husband is not that is not the case for me.Mine is a truck driver. While we are lucky to have him home every night there is no telling what time he will get here. So were I to work nights I would have to work the grave yard shift,then be up all day with my kids,So as I do need to sleep some time that is also out of the question. If you have to work and are able to pull it off all the power to you. But please understand that not all women or men for that matter stay home because we can afford it.Some of us can't afford not too.

Answer 11

I'm a SAHM and have been for almost 2 years now. I definitely think I'm lucky to stay home, I don't think everyone should. I'm blessed enough that financially we can, even though my husband barely makes enough for me to do it. But I'm finishing my degree right now, so I don't have the experience to make any money and have a decent job, so if I were to work, I would be paying for child care, and that's it, I would have no left over money. So for us, it's just as easy for me to stay home. Now, if I had my degree already and were making very good money, I wouldn't be staying home. I think I'm blessed, I don't think it has anything to do with managing your money...it's just timing. If we had kids later in life, I wouldn't be home with them. Don't think all SAHMs are like that. Believe me, we're not rolling in the dough at all, but we make it, barely. And we don't have extra money set aside, we pay bills, buy diapers and formula, and groceries, and that's it. So be lucky you have saved money! :)