He's loving, romantic and emotionally stable. However, phychologically, he is very attached to his mother, mommy's boy. I feel that I'll always be No. 2 compared to his mother. When we did clash, he sided his mother first. It took him 5 whole days to see my point in the last argument with his mom. I earn more than him and with higher academic qualification. At first I didn't mind but now the disparity is getting more obvious. We've been together for 3 years, engaged for 6 months. His mother proposed when we were going steady for less than a year. It didn't come from him, although he did propose a few months later in the proper way. I think he lack initiative. Planning to get married in July next year. Deposits have been paid, some refundable, some not. Been getting restless nights lately, thinking if I should proceed with the wedding. I'm 26, going to 27. He's of the same age. Please advice.
2006-12-15 12:28:59 · 36 answers · asked by bluelotus 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I don't think you will be happy in the long run. . .But it is your wish. Maybe his mother pressed him into the marriage; maybe he argues with her behind your back for proposing to you before he did. I think you should at least push the wedding, but if you sincerely love him and care for him, and he cares for you and loves you, marry him and cherish his love and company forever.
2006-12-15 12:35:05 · answer #1 · answered by Isabela 5 · 0⤊ 5⤋
Dump him for me. If you are asking the question in this way, this may not be the man that you are destined to be with. You are second to his mother. Can you handle that? If not, this is not the relationship for you. It's interesting that you make more money and have higher academic qualifications. I'm willing to bet that you more or less dominate this relationship, which is analogous to his mother dominating him. This may not be true, but this could be a classic case of him finding someone to replace his mommy. (I'm not saying you're like his mother.) What kind of loser's mom proposes for him, anyway. That must have been awkward. Never settle for someone, find the person that will make you live life to the fullest.
2006-12-15 13:08:49 · answer #2 · answered by Kenneth M 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you are having doubts now, I would get out while I can. If you lose some money on the deal then it would be better than marrying and realizing that it was a mistake.
He is a mamas boy and will NEVER change. She has failed to cut the cord when it was time. It will only get worse. I hate to sound so down but I think you need to hear the truth. If you are no happy now and are noticing that he is not what you wanted then you must break it off now.
Good luck!!
2006-12-15 14:38:34 · answer #3 · answered by country girl 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think its terrible his mother is so controlling. It sounds like he needs to gain a little more control over his own thoughts. I wouldnt give up right away,. maybe you could sit him down and tell him your concerns. Let him know,. if you get married its a totally differrent game. Its you and him,. and NOT him and his mother. Maybe put the wedding at a later date so he can have some time to prove to you he is strong enough to stand on his own. Marriage is a big step in a relationship and if you don't feel 150% good about your situation, You have to ask yourself why. You dont want it to fester into such a problem later,. that warrants a divorce. Best of luck darling
2006-12-15 12:36:10 · answer #4 · answered by Third EyE 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
RUN!
Okay, maybe not RUN exactly, but until he's mature enough to step away from his mother and make decisions without her...and without consulting her or taking her opinion into consideration...he's not ready for marriage. There's no rush to get married. You can do it now, or four years from now. I just know that if you have this mother-in-law problem, you'll end up feeling pretty alone, out there on that limb...when you disagree with anything she says.
When people marry, the idea is that "A man shall leave his mother, and a woman leave her home." He's obviously not ready for his part yet. IMAGINE your first home together. You decorate the bathroom with your own ideas...go to work and come home to all of it having been replaced because his mother came over, hated it...took it all back and got something SHE liked.
2006-12-15 12:30:47 · answer #5 · answered by Lisa E 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
It would depend on whether his mother proposing was cultural thing if that part is truly her meddling.
What's important is you listening to those second thoughts and see if you're just nervous or you really are seeing possible problems.
*ahem* YOU HAVER EVERY RIGHT TO *NOT* WALK DOWN THE AISLE! It's much better to call it off, even if just to resolve matters between you fiancee. It's much better than ruining your life; you should marry the man you think you were meant to be with, not be pressured into it.
It might not be easy, but it'll be worth stepping back and processing the facts. You should tell him what you're feeling; keeping it inside is toxic.
God Bless you and Merry Christmas.
2006-12-15 12:49:18 · answer #6 · answered by Jennifer Z 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Cut your losses and move on. It's already causing you aggrivation now, can you imagine how much worse it's going to get when your married. And what kind of guy is going to let his mommy propose for him? There's something not right with that. Obviously she's trying to get him off her hands as fast as she can. All the warning signs are there. Follow your womens intuition.....it's never wrong.
2006-12-15 12:44:03 · answer #7 · answered by CLM 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You absolutely should not get married YET. You do not want to get married if you are having second thoughts. The fact that his mother proposed tells me that he is not ready either. If you really love this man than it is okay to postpone the engagement until you are ready. This is all about you and what you want. Good Luck.
2006-12-15 12:32:16 · answer #8 · answered by vargasmoe 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Sounds to me like he has an Oedipus Complex. It just doesn't sound like he's truly ready to the caring and supportive husband that I'm sure you deserve. He didn't even give you the common courtesy of proposing to you himself first! I'm married and I'm close to my mother, but I always make sure that my wife knows that she's number one. Why don't you talk to him about how you feel? Honestly if you can't communicate how you feel to him now, how can you do it when you're married? Best of luck to the both of you though.
2006-12-15 12:37:57 · answer #9 · answered by M-Wil 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
At least you now have the reality to deal with. You know what to expect and there is very little hidden. You know who he is and what he is capable of. You now have the reality steering you in the face.
I personally would not go much further until I see what I want but as I said, you will be the one to make the final decision.
2006-12-15 12:42:30 · answer #10 · answered by sexonsight 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know it seems like calling it off now would be painful and expensive but it's nothing compared to what it will be like if you have to go through a divorce. It sounds like you know what you have to do. You have more going on than wedding bell jitters.
If you feel like your No. 2 in his life than you need to make yourself No. 1 in your life and think about your future happiness.
Good Luck.
2006-12-15 12:35:29 · answer #11 · answered by 6bits 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋