I married a guy years ago (divorced now) that had a daughter who was 4 years old when I met them. Her real mother left them when she was one year old, she doesn't know her real mom at all. Well, we were married for 5 years, and after our divorce, we stayed in touch a lot, we visited each other all the time. I got remarried, and now have 2 beautiful kids with my current husband. My question is this: My step daughter and her dad (who is remarried too) moved to the other side of the country. I do not talk to my step daughter that much anymore, I am busy with my own family and frankly there is not a lot to talk about. Should I cut all ties with her and risk her being heartbroken because I abandonded her too, or should I start calling her more often to get back up to speed with her? I hope this makes sense. I just wanna know if its wrong that I don't talk to her anymore, or should I feel obligated?
2006-12-15 11:20:32 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your holding 5 years of her life in memory, you somehow need to stay in touch. Over time memories fade but as adults we sometimes go searching for bits and pieces of our childhood. Be available.
2006-12-15 11:31:35 · answer #1 · answered by Clrinsight 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a very hard and big decision. In a sense I agree with what some have said about letting her go live with her Mother and she will get a taste of what that life is really like. It may be she has this fantasy built up in her head about what it would be like and will discover it's far from reality. On the other hand, I can also to relate to what others have said about it being a supervision issue. So...I would ask around and get a referral to a highly recommended therapist. Take your step daughter to counseling as well as yourself and husband. Get some ideas to what is going on in her head and why it is she hates it at your house. Find out from the therapist if you are being to strict on her. Get a recommendation from the therapist on what her opinion the best place for the child will be.
2016-05-22 22:07:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel that if you cut all ties with her, she is going to blame herself for another mother leaving her. So I would keep is contact with her and let her know that you still think of her and love her and try to get interested in her life. I realize you have your own family now and thats wonderful. Don't wave that in her face unless she asks you about your new life. But just being her friend will mean so much to her I am sure. This will help to boost her self-esteem and confidence as well. Everyone could use another friend. You are a very kind and compassionate woman and I commend you for caring for this child. Merry Christmas!!
2006-12-15 11:29:58 · answer #3 · answered by Bren 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just keep in touch, you don't have to go to any great lenghts to do so, maybe a card when you think of her. A birthday card maybe a small Christmas gift. If you both have computers and interent access you can email on occasion. It's not wrong that you've moved on with your life, since her father has remarried she too is moving on, and growing up.
2006-12-15 11:34:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a somewhat similar situation. My hubby of 8 years passed away 7 months ago and I helped him raise his three children. Since he has passed away the kids mother decided that she wanted to be a mother again and the kids went with her. Needless to say I have had very little contact with the kids since then because I feel very abandoned by them. So since I am the one that feels abandoned I would advise you to try and maintain some form of contact with her. A girl needs all the strong female remodels that she can get in life.
2006-12-15 12:40:52 · answer #5 · answered by Dee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking as a stepdaughter who is very close to her stepmother, I would have been heartbroken. My stepmom and dad almost got a divorce. They were separated for months and I didn't see her much. But she called me every day after school. I know that if she and my dad were to split now (I'm in my 30s), she and I would still be very close. I can't imagine not having her in my life. I'm closer to her than my biological mother.
I guess it depends how old your stepdaughter is and how close you were. Does she seem happy to hear from you when you call or is she stand-offish? Maybe ask her dad if he knows how she feels.
Good luck!
2006-12-15 11:28:13 · answer #6 · answered by kroth2004 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
PLEASE stay in touch with her. The last thing this child needs is another rejection. Even if you talk about the color of her shirt on the phone, your presence in her life is more than important to her. I know you are busy with your family, but I would make time for at least 5 minutes to show her you still care. You may have no idea what importance you might have in her life. :)
2006-12-15 11:45:01 · answer #7 · answered by Ms. Chick 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as your Ex and his wife don't mind. I would keep in touch with a letter every once in a while and send her cards on her birthday and holidays.
Also, make sure that your hubby is okay with this.
You were a very important part of her life and she more than likely loves you very much.
2006-12-15 11:31:49 · answer #8 · answered by kitt_kattkitt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep in touch with her..If you don't you will be sending a bad message to your own children..they will fear that mommy will desert them like she did her other child.
2006-12-15 11:36:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
keep in touch with her. some day both her and yourself will be thankful that you did.
2006-12-15 11:24:29 · answer #10 · answered by george 2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋