I have been with him for six years and I never thought this would happen we've always been very open with each other and I always kept our honesty with each other the upmost important. This last year he has become more distant and then turned into downright abbusive. I love him so much and this is almost unbearable but I will not be in a relationship where I cannot trust my partner. He has said and done things that are unforgivable but I know he doesn't mean the things he says. He's trying to push me away. I don't know if he is really gay or bi? Am I hanging onto a dream. I can't think all 6 years were lies. I know he loves me but I don't think I can bear to much more of his anger without completely walking away and washing my hands. I've been reading and trying to find answers but I think I only want to hear what I want you know? I love him so much and I know he's hurting and embarrassed but thats when I can be there the most, I thought.
2006-12-15 09:54:23 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thanks for all the great help. I'm really seeing that this is probably the work or mental illness Depression, and completely out of my hands. I know that he did love me and someday he'll be very ashamed for treating me so poorly but he doesn't deserve for me to wait around for that day to come. I love me more than him I guess Thanks again everyone.
2006-12-17 00:31:05 · update #1
You don't need this man. I know it hurts now, but you're going to have to be strong. First, get out. Then, go get a full STD panel, now.
This is the time you caught him. You don't know if he's done it before, and you can't believe anything he says.
HIS hurt and embarassment is just going to have to be HIS problem. You need to take care of yourself. Someone who stays with an abusive or controlling partner usually has problems with self esteem, you don't think you're worth a good man. Well guess what? You are. So get rid of this one. Then take time for yourself, no men at all, and do what YOU need to do.
2006-12-15 10:01:25 · answer #1 · answered by Fed_UP_with_work. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is the most important thing in a relationship. But I am not sure how he could have told you how he felt. Maybe hr is confused. It is not anyone's fault. Just try to talk it over. The problem is not the gender of the person he cheated with but rather he cheated. Can you forgive him for that? Does he want to be forgiven or is he just relieved that he can finally move on. Would you be o quick to even ask the question if the violation of trust was with a female. Are you questioning what you did wrong? Don't! I say move on but remain able to talk to him for your own benefit.
2006-12-15 10:05:48 · answer #2 · answered by Wat Da Hell 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is cheating and getting angry at you? He is withholding affection from you and abusing you, and he is angry? He does things that are unforgivable, but you forgive, and he is angry? He is trying to throw you away and you can not trust him, but he is angry? You know he loves you, but you can't take much more of his love? He is angry at someone else and taking that anger out on you, and you cant believe he is deceiving you? He has not much invested in you, so if he pushes you away (or throws you away) and finds someone he wants to treat better he won't feel any loss. Will you feel a loss without his love? You are really investing a lot in someone. Get someone to invest in your happiness or do you always just lay down when people want to walk all over you?
2006-12-15 10:23:16 · answer #3 · answered by lightellen3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you possibly want to work this out? He's obviously been in denial for a long time.
The 6 years have not been a waste, they've been a learning experience. Of course he's hurting, "it" doesn't go in back there. Bi or not, do yo want that the rest of your life. Let's look at something else...HE'S A CHEATER.
Cheaters are like smokers, they never "quit" , they always have the urge, and they either just don't have one for a while or get better at hiding the habit. There will always be someone else.
Now...It's time to get out there and find someone that will at least keep their promise to you.
2006-12-15 10:05:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump. Look out for number one here. Don't take him back. Mover on. Get a new set of friends, activities if you must. Cut off the ties to him. You deserve a straight guy who is into woman. You will find love again. its hard to come back from somthing like this. He is GAY. Sexual orientation is not a choice. Did you not see Brokeback Mountain? I don't mean that is a snide way, but seriousy. He probably wants to be straight and have a straight relationship...but wanting it, and having the "capacity" for it are two different things. God bless you honey, and Good luck.
2006-12-15 10:00:59 · answer #5 · answered by C 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to get this. You cant be with someone whos hurting you... you need to talk to him, tell him what you feel all the way dont hide anything or hold anything back. he shouldnt be angry with you. right now i think you should give the relationship a break though... what he did was flat out wrong and you can help him... just not in a way where your hurting just as much or more. If you love him and if he does love you then hell stop, come into his own, and apologize and never do it again. but right now hes confused so dont pressure his decisions. i hope things work out
2006-12-15 10:00:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sweetie let him go you can get aids and all sort of stuff from him if he love you he would of never put you in this situation to start with and he is having sex with these men you better go get checked out right away and get out of there you will find better and don't let anyone put you down or hit you or any thing it is not your fault a lot of men take a long time to come out and when they do they get so different because you are not what they want so go on find better don't stay even if he begs you it will never be the same and he needs to be him self
2006-12-15 10:02:35 · answer #7 · answered by mandysosexy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like u guys just need to sit down ad have an open and honest conversation. you need to find out if he is gay or bi. if he is bi, then wether or not the relationship can work will depend on how forgiving and tolerant u can be. can u share him with men if u r the only girl? if he is gay then it obviously will NOT work at least not for more than a friendship. i can imagine leading the double live is what is causing a lot of the anger and frustration, maybe he himself is not sure how to handle it or afraid of how to deal with it, maybe he is worried that if he is bi you will leave him or look at him as sick and that could explain his reactions. so all u can do is have an honest conersation, find out where u stand
2006-12-15 10:00:41 · answer #8 · answered by germanygirl_us 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes u r blinded by love he dont respect u it seemz like u luv him but he dont luv u back i just want u 2 know that its not u & yo not alone cuzz a lot of brotherz taken our love 4 granted. Its time 2 move on & remember u r strong & u can make it on yo own + u can hav better & deserve better
2006-12-15 10:03:30 · answer #9 · answered by Maizie Mayy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't cling to false hope, darlin'. It's not up to you to fix this. You have been loyal and he is gay. If he is having affairs with men, then you are also at a higher risk to be exposed to HIV. Face the lonely music as soon as possible and you will be able to find a loyal man sooner. Good luck and love to you my friend.
2006-12-15 10:00:03 · answer #10 · answered by smecky809042003 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋