Hello.I am in perhaps a dilemma of my life.I have found the love of my life, my"soul mate" if you wish.The problem is that she is totally scared to death of a relationship with me,a "real" relationship.Without getting in to all the intimate details, she is a woman that has had a life of abuse from the men in her world beginning from childhood continuing through adulthood including the man she married who is the sperm donor of two of her kids, kids that I have grown to love and adore as well.When we met I was told that they are separated.We have known each other for over two years.It has been two weeks since I heard from her.Now we are upon the holiday season and I am in limbo.I think to myself,has she chosen her "EX" over me?Does she not want me in her life?Does she only want me in her life when she is having a bad day?Does she not want me in her life and can not figure a way to tell me so?Is she hurt?Are her kids ok?She never answers the phone.I just feel lost right now.Please help me
2006-12-15 09:53:23 · 11 answers · asked by ngineero 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hello.I am in perhaps a dilemma of my life.I have found the love of my life, my"soul mate" if you wish.The problem is that she is totally scared to death of a relationship with me,a "real" relationship.Without getting in to all the intimate details, she is a woman that has had a life of abuse from the men in her world beginning from childhood continuing through adulthood including the man she married who is the sperm donor of two of her kids, kids that I have grown to love and adore as well.When together, nothing but romance.We have known each other for over two years.It has been two weeks since I heard from her.Now we are upon the holiday season and I am in limbo.I think to myself,has she chosen her "EX" over me?Does she not want me in her life?Does she only want me in her life when she is having a bad day?Does she not want me in her life and can not figure a way to tell me so?Is she hurt?Are her kids ok?She never answers the phone.I just feel lost right now.Please help me
2006-12-15 10:02:57 · update #1
She is in so much pain and she won’t let me comfort her and help her through this very difficult time in her life. She has praised me as a great inspiration to her, someone that has shown her for once in her life, what unconditional love is. She says she is honored to know me and that she loves me dearly. She has told me how I am the one person in the world that has ever shown her that she has value as a human being, that her dreams, thoughts, opinions, and goals are very worthy, very valuable, and so important. She has called me "perfect" for her. We have had a wonderfully romantic time when together…truly a story book romance, something completely "REAL". We wrote poems to one another, shared sweet little love notes written on a napkin, spoken on the phone for hours at a time, acted like teenagers again when together, we make each other feel truly "alive".
2006-12-15 10:04:22 · update #2
It is unlike anything I have ever experienced in my life…it is that relationship we all dream about and pray for our whole lives until it arrives. She is the love of my life and she tells me that I am the love of her life as well. We found each other in a time of each other’s lives where we needed each other desperately. I truly believe that we were brought together at precisely the right time for each other. But she is afraid of venturing forward, for fear of there being problems or one of us making a mistake or that it won’t last. I know and truly understand that some of these feelings are because of the life she has suffered, but she also knows that I will always treat her with respect and dignity and love. Instead she chooses to push me away, to avoid contact with me. I don’t know if she is sick, hurt, well or not. Or if her kids are ok. She has let people back in to her world that she knows were the worst people to let back in. She has told me so in her own words.
2006-12-15 10:15:38 · update #3
I have demonstrated to her time and time again that I am there for her. I have helped in so many ways, whether emotionally, financially, as a listener, as a friend, etc. and never asked for anything in return because we had something so very special when together. Her simple presence in my life was all I asked. And she is not present in my life now…in fact she seems further away then ever before. I have asked many of these questions before and sometimes her answers are what I want to hear, but her actions are just opposite. Having her and her children in my life is truly a joy and an extra special joy during the holidays…oh how I enjoyed making things for her and her kids, going Christmas shopping for them, seeing the beautiful smiles upon opening the gifts…it has been truly magical. I have had two Christmas seasons with her, and this one is right around the corner and I have not heard from her in two weeks…and I am very sad that it seems we will go through this season apart.
2006-12-15 10:17:59 · update #4
She is behaving as if she no longer wants me in her world. She is creating the self-fulfilling prophecy that I will eventually leave her. Her actions are creating exactly what she does not want and exactly what she fears will happen. Its as if somehow if I were to go away, that it would be easier than trying to repair and restore what we once had and for her to finally live a life that she has always dreamed of. I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I know that together, she and I can get through anything. I am willing to put the work in to that repair and restoration. I love her and her kids with all my heart, but I need her help in this. I just don’t know what to do anymore…the more I reach out…the further she seems to get. Its as if she wants to have the bad stuff in her world that she has always known, but also have me there as sort of an oasis in the storm…a vacation.The problem is that this oasis and vacation is not fair to both of us. We are both being cheated by it.
2006-12-15 10:22:34 · update #5
I am not asking for marriage tomorrow, simply I ask for a first step and consistent behavior and advances to repair and rebuild what we once had. I have tried my best to give you an overview of my world right now. I have tried to preserve our privacy as much as possible without jeopardizing my expression. Thank you
2006-12-15 10:26:56 · update #6
Love is a powerful thing. You sound like a loving person. Anyone woman would love to have a caring man. It's so hard to find someone like that now a days. It sounds like you have reached out way too much. Please friend let go. They say if it's meant to be they'll come back to you. It may hurt but just try it.
2006-12-15 10:03:30 · answer #1 · answered by foxy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is typical for YOU to feel this fashion, and it's flawlessly k. I could be certain to permit my boyfriend understand that if I have been you, considering the fact that if he desires to finally have a loved ones with youngsters he might desire to pursue an additional courting. As some distance as considering persons remorse having youngsters however traditionally wont admit it...you're improper. Do now not start to anticipate what someone else thinks approximately having youngsters. I in my opinion am a unmarried mom (quickly to be married). I had my son at 27 a number of years after completing school and developing myself firmly in my profession, and it was once the ultimate time in my lifestyles to end up a mom. I loved my lifestyles entirely as a tender grownup and was once capable for the fun and demanding situations of mentioning a little one. It isn't effortless to continually need to organize a sitter or something to be able to pass out, however he's sooooooo valued at it. Anyway, I have in no way regretted it, and I completely experience my lifestyles and consider fulfilled via it. Yes, your lifestyles alterations if in case you have a little one, however your lifestyles additionally alterations if in case you have a boyfriend, a partner, and a brand new process. As lengthy as you'll roll with the alterations you're going to be first-rate. If you desire to stay childless...accomplish that...it's your correct, and there may be not anything improper with actually realizing it and feeling it. Good success together with your lifestyles.
2016-09-03 15:16:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's tough. Try not to get involved with someone who is only separated and has kids. Not knowing what has happened to her, why she doesnt answer you is frustrating. Take a look at the relationship as a whole...was it going anywhere? did you spend a lot of time with her? did it seem she was getting back with her estranged husband? well, good luck...i sure know that lost feeling!
2006-12-15 10:02:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Woa there chicken little, the sky isn't falling down just yet.
Give her some space, and give yourself some space too. It's the holidays. Kids should be with their families. You should not be doing this to yourself.
Go outside, take a walk, worry about it next year.
2006-12-15 09:59:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe she is just scared. i mean if she has been abused then i would be too. maybeshe just told you that she is devorced but she really isn't because she is scared to leave him, not because she still loves him. sounds like what she really needs right now is a good friend, a shoulder to cry on ya know. just help her throug the rough times and hope her life turns out ok. but right now just leave her alone and let her got herself together and call you!
2006-12-15 10:03:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how you could get a hold of her, but as for her trusting you... If you just be a true friend she can learn to trust you then perhaps fall in love. I hope everything is ok.
2006-12-15 09:57:41 · answer #6 · answered by kerry9477 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like she needs some major psychotherapy before getting involved with someone new. But if she's married, you have no business expecting anything from her. Leave her alone.
2006-12-15 09:56:25 · answer #7 · answered by Sabine É 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
give her time. just remind her....ur there. don't pressure you have to put urself in her shoes. trust is a strong issue for her. and well abuse does effect ones life VERY much.
2006-12-19 12:52:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
QUIT>! It's just infatuation, mixed with pity. You feel like you are her saviour, rescuer . But that's not love.
2006-12-15 10:00:47 · answer #9 · answered by maxon475 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u probably just need to give her space.
2006-12-15 09:59:02 · answer #10 · answered by flavagirl711 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋