Spanking as a Punishment?

Question

I got some nasty messages after I post a message about spanking our kids. My boys are 8, 11 and 14 and we do spank all three of them when it is necessary. Spankings are a last resort and usually a warning is enough to get the negative behavior to stop. A few people have argued that a 14 year old is too old or big spank. I say this depends on the child. I would never spank a kid who has hit puberty, whether they are 10 or 16 as though once a kid hits that stage other methods are better. Our 14 year old is still immature, he is still a kid and that is why he gets spanked and we still get results from the spanking.

We never use any belts or shoes or anything on any of the kids. Its very simple we use our hand and spank on the bare bottom. Do the kids fight us when we are going to spank them? Of course they do... but whether it is the 8 year old or the 14 year old, after a little effort they have their pants down and are over one of our laps, held in place and spanked. The 14 year old obviously puts up more of a struggle (he is bigger), but by the time we are done he is crying and just as sorry as if the 8 year old or 11 year old would be if they got spanked.

Very rarely do we have to spank, grounding, time-outs, and taking away things work wonders, so does a lot of positive reenforcement. However, if the situation gets out of hand, we do spank. The 8 year old has probably only been spanked abot 6 times the entire year and the old two 3 or 4 times each. The bottom line is, we use this as a last resort and I don't see the problem with spanking any of them until they hit puberty. Does this make sense to anyone else?

Answer 1

Everything you just said is exactly what I wish "non spankers" would understand.

The parents who don't spank think us "spankers" just walk around swatting our kids when they act up--and they couldn't be more wrong.

I rarely ever spank. Once every 2 or 3 months at the most. Why? Because my kids hardly ever need to be spanked. Why? Because they've been spanked and know what the punishment is and therefore hardly ever act up.

Answer 2

Hmmm . . .

All I can contribute is my own personal experience with having been spanked as a child. I was only occasionally spanked and yes, I have turned out fine. But, I can tell you that even though OUTWARDLY I complied when I was punished this way, INWARDLY I was very resentful. Spanking might produce outward results, but it nourishes resentment in children, who when they are older can really act out in negative ways. (When they are big enough that you can't physically threaten them anymore). My dad spanked and my mom communicated when there were problems in my childhood. Interestingly, as an adult, I have a much healthier relationship with my mother.

Not spanking a child does not spoil them. There are other ways to stop their behavior dead in their tracks. Read parenting books. Communication goes a long way for raising an emotionally mature child.

And just for the record, sociologists have long connected juvenile delinquency and crime with the lack of a father's presence, not the lack of spanking. Just some food for thought. . .

Answer 3

For my own part, I could never bring myself to spank either of my children, and they are 10 and 16. Truth be told, I never really gave it any thought because, quite simply, I could never reconcile hitting someone that I love.

I won't debate the issue of spanking with you...only you know what works for your family and it's ridiculous to think that one method of parenting will work for all children. But I will strongly urge you to NOT use the bare bottom method, especially with the 14 year old. I shudder when I think about the long term effects, or ramifications. While others will argue -- and, perhaps, rightly so -- that it smacks of eroticism, I think it's dreadfully humiliating, much more so than any punishment was meant to be.

You may get the immediate results that you're looking for, but, truly, at what price?

Peace to you.

Answer 4

I'm sorry, spanking a 14 year old boy is horrible. Any teenager, past puberty or not should not be made to pull their pants down.

It may be true that "they've been spanked and know what the punishment is and therefore hardly ever act up" as one answerer put it.

It's because your children are afraid you'll hurt them. I can't imagine god gave us our children to harm them.

I agree with Bogey - for all you people out there that think the Bible says, "Spare the rod, spoil the child" it actually is worded much differently. And it was written by men, not God.

Answer 5

Makes sense to me. I have 3 girls (ages 3, 7, and 10)I can't say I will be spanking my 14 year old, I like to stop them before that age. However, everyone must do what they think is right. Results are what counts. I would really focus on trying other methods first with the older one. Like I said earlier though, results are what counts. All 3 of my daughters get spankings, and yes all get them with the pants pulled down, if you spank, that is the best way of making it more effective.

In the end, 14 is a bit up there, so try stripping his room of all his positions, or even taking the door off until he shows the proper respect. Save the spanking for when you have absolutely tried every other possible thing.

Answer 6

i find it a bit strange that your 14 year old hasn't hit puberty,...you sure?
i think all of your kids are too old to be spanked, i can't say that i have NEVER spanked but, i don't condone it, when a two year old does something dangerous such as run out into the street after being told not to, i find spanking understandable
i HIGHLY recommend a book called, FAMILY RULES, it doesn't say much about spanking but, it gives parents ideas of how to connect consequences and behaviors for results

Answer 7

Even if spanking is a last resort, it's still not beneficial. Especially if your boys are that big already. I've rarely heard people spanking their teenagers! Children are more receptive to loving words. When you try to understand them and explain to them why what they're doing is wrong, they're more likely to listen and change without resentment. We never spank our kids (3,5 y.o and 2 y/o). We just tell them "no", explain things to them, praise them when they're good, putting them in time out when neccessary (the last option) for a few minutes without using any physical discipline at all like hitting, spanking, etc. We've read lots of resources, including the Bible. But the Bible itself ACTUALLY doesn't encourage us to spank. Many people misunderstand the meaning of 'rod.' Our kids behave well and they're happy kids.
You can read Dr. William Sears' books about raising children. He's a very respectable doctor in the US. Two of his excellent books is "The Discipline Book: How to Have a Better-Behaved Child From Birth to Age Ten." & "The Successful Child: What Parents Can Do to Help Kids Turn Out Well".

Answer 8

there are no right answers for parenting. Those who think they have the answers usually have the out of control kids who don't know their butt from a hole in the ground. Don't take those nasty msgs too personally. Dr. Spock started the whole, lets not spank thing because it may warp a childs sense of self. His kid also killed himself, enough said on that one.
I have 2 kids, and if NEEDED, I do spank. Not as a first resort of course, but my kids know, if other methods don't work, the spanking will. My kids both say please, and thank you. They no better than to talk back, and they know to help, share, and even salute the flag. My 3 yr old, from the age of under 2 started learning her ABCs, knew all of her colors, shapes and sounds. My 18m old, knows his colors and shapes. They both have VERY good self esteems, they are very loving and secure. We have a loving home and they know we love them regardless. So as for spanking if it gets the results you need, go for it.
Forget about what other people tell you. Let them deal with their own children when they get to show up at parole/probation hearings. Kids today are out of control, and if a mother isn't willing to do what ever it takes to rectify the situation, she isn't worthy of calling herself a mother.
EDIT: to ME, get your facts straight, It was his son. I would bet my DEGREE on it. Also, spanking is not beating. Learn what the hell you are talking about before you come on here proving you have screwed up kids. Good luck with the teenage pregnancies and drug trials. I got spanked as a child, I have never tried drugs, i did not have teen sex and I NEVER had to be grounded. Tell me when your kids are teenagers if you ever have to do these things. If spanking was that horrible it would be outlawed, but guess what its actually being pushed as an acceptable form of discipline. ASK CONGRESS!
EDIT: http://www.miraclefamilies.net/what_dr___benjamin_spock_didn_t_tell_your_parents
pay particular attn to paragraph 12 where Dr. Spock apologizes and said he was completely wrong!!! HIS OWN WORDS!

Answer 9

I also spank. And I also spank bare bottom. I believe that spanking is not only safe but the most effective method of getting kids to comply with their parents wishes. Surprisingly, the research supports this position. We never hear about it in the mainstream media. I discussed it in http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-GgIFACYzfqWx8YwvtspSWVmWzA--?cq=1&p=793

I know this also sounds heretical--but I do not believe that spanking need be just a "last resort." This has come about because of the myth it is such a horrendous thing. My kids may be spanked more than other kids--but in fact they are punished less. I don't do all the timeouts, etc. Most of the time a reprimand, warning, or just talking are enough. But when punishment is called for I spank.

Unlike you I use a small paddle specifically designed for the purpose. I don't pound them with it--but I think it is good to have a "rod." Besides spanking hurts my hand:)

Spanking bare bottom is considred terrible by the anti-spanking folks (and even a lot who still spank). This is reallyb silly. The immediate point of a spanking is cause some sharp discomfort. Dull thuds over a heavily padded bottom do nothing--and I think this actually is one of the reasons people say spanking does not work for them--the other big error is not being consistent.

Another problem with the spanking over padding is that it might actually cause pysical harm. In the attmept to give a sting a parent can hit too hard. A good temporaty sting can be given on a bare bottom without a lot of unnecessary force.

And I know there is a big differnece between being spanked with your pants on and bare bottom. I was spanked both ways as a kid. And the latter is much different--and much more disagreeable--which is the point of punishment. You know it is serious business.

There are very good reasons it is the traditional way to spank.

I frankly think that spanking should never be offically retired with age. It is kind of silly to suddenly say you are going to stop something that is working. It might never be used when they get older--but keep the option opern. I do think that older kids (if they are spanked bare bottom) should, whenever at all possible, be spanked by a parent of the same gender.

Answer 10

Your child HAS reached puberty. What you are doing to him is perverted and sick. If you achieve such amazing results, why is your child so immature? As for the other kids, it is NEVER necessary to hit your children. How would you like to be hit when you act immaturely? By the reasoning of the pro-hitters on here, adults will have something to learn from it as well.

I am so gosh darn tired of people who are violent with their children. It's cruel. As for the "old days" when "everyone" did it, there was no media to report the amount of violence. Do you accept as fact everything everyone tells you? Do you really believe it was better in the old days?

Wake up!

Answer 11

I am definitely pro-spanking but only under certain circumstances. I think you should only spank a child when they are directly testing your authority (e.g. telling you "no"). In this case, you as a parent need to reestablish yourself as the authority in the household. Other child-like mischief I think can be handled in other ways.

I was spanked maybe four or five times in my life, in part because it was easier to just be good. I had too vivid an imagination for time out to have worked for me. I loved to sit and daydream. I could make a personal game out of looking at the ceiling. That said, for some kids time out is enough and they never need to be spanked. No remedy works for everyone.

I also disagree with the notion that spanking your child makes them violent. I have never been in a physical alteration in my life or even considered violence an option. Nor have my brother or sister.

I do think that 14 is a little old to be put over your lap. It doesn't usually hurt anymore by that age either. It is probably more humiliating than anything and that can breed resentment. Since he is a boy, you may want to try a good old-fashioned sock in the chest. I know that sounds awful, but it won't kill him and usually is enough to remind him that he is not the boss.