How do I deal with my parents who are a little racist?

Question

I really like this guy (not the one who stood me up =) ), but I don't know if it will lead anywhere. the only thing is that, although i have 2 mixed kids, my parents are still strongly against interracial dating. I have to live with my parents for financial reasons, and i live in constant fear that if i fall for another black guy, that they will kick me out. i've already been told that if i'm caught dating another black guy that they will take my kids from me, because they don't want them raised by a black man. i don't discriminate against white guys, don't get me wrong, but the guy i like is black. what should i do?

chuck, you need to grow up honey, and welcome to the 21st century.

chris what are you saying? no i'm not a hairdresser, idiot. grow up.

Answer 1

Tell them their issue with race is their problem, and hatred or prejudice is a demon that they need to confront. As Martin Luther King said, they should judge people not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. Your relationship has nothing to do with them, whether they can accept that concept or not. Try asking them what they're afraid will happen if their grandchild is raised with the help of a black man?

They can't kick you out without some notice (usually 30 days), and they can't take your kids away. That would be kidnapping, which is a federal offense.

Answer 2

Trisha, you've got a tough situation. I assume mom and dad just want what they think is best for their daughter and grandchildren. First, they can't "take your children away". They have no standing. Even if you have to go on welfare they shouldn't be able to get the kids. But your problem is you're living with them and they want to set the rules. So sit down with them and discuss the matter. Tell them you're your own woman and entitled to date whomever you wish. Regardless of race. If they object to a guy because of his race, how would they feel about a white guy who was a real bum? Is it race or is it position in life (i.e., education, working, other characteristics)? Talk it over with them and give them a chance to voice their fears. Ask them point blank if they don't like black guys and if so, why? At the same time, begin preparing yourself to be on our own. You need to find work and an apartment and your own future. You have to depend on yourself...then you can tell your parents "thank you but good buy". So take care of yourself first, then worry about your parents. And good luck.

Answer 3

1) there is no such thing as "a little racist" you either are or you are not.
2) If you live with your parents - doesn't matter if you are 50 you have to abide by their rules
3) I would not raise my children in a home with racists - grandparents or not. Especially since your children are bi-racial. There is plenty of programs out there these days so no matter what your present financial situation you should be able to be on your own. THEY CANNOT TAKE YOUR KIDS AWAY FROM YOU, merely on the fact that you date a black man..but it's there home and they CAN say he's not permitted in their home (low as that is)

Hoping you do get out of there soon, can date whomever you choose to date - matters the man is a GOOD man - especially since you have children...his race/ethnicity should be of no matter. I would think priority right now for you would not be dating but getting through school or working or whatever you have to do to be on your own and support yourself and your children - which I'm sure you must be trying to do or you wouldn't be in the situation you are in now. Best of luck to you!! : -)

Answer 4

You have to get your financial situation together and get out of their home. Also, legally, they can not take your kids away from you en less they can prove (a lots of evidence) that you are a unfit mother. And having to stay with them does not make you a unfit mother. Don't allow them to intimidate you with that or threaten you. In addition, they will be better individuals if they have a black man help raise them. Speaking as a bi-racial person, it is important that they are comfortable and familiar with their background (both sides). They will have a difficult enough time growing up, trying to identify with their black and white side. They will need a solid foundation at home to help balance the "world" they will deal with outside of your home. It saddens my heart that they feel that way, cause they do not truly accept your children with that type of mind set. And growing up with grandparents that didn't accept me was so very difficult. The best thing you can do for yourself and your children is to separate them from that form of thinking. Your children are the ones who will suffer, not because they are half black, but because their grandparents do not accept them. Best wishes! Wow......that really touched home :''(

Answer 5

You cannot change a racial hatred.
You can look at yourself and see what you can do to get out of your parents home. Even though you are old enough to have 2 children you are still under their roof and as a common courtsey you do need to respect their rules.
Now as for whether they can take your children from you is a legal issue that would be hard to do. Unless you are laying out all night and not taking care of your kids then they should not be able to unless you sign over your rights.
Check with your local authorities and see what types of assistance you can receive. THere are lots of free/cheaper housing and if you qualify for them then you should also qualify for a discount rate at a local daycare center.
Do what ever you can to stand on your own. Take a college course that will enable you to get a better job- get your GED if you do not already have it.
If your children are biracial then it would be good for them to have positive black role models in their lives. At this point find a friend that can help you and concentrate on that until you can get out of your parents house. Children do well if taught early on that all races are equal and deserve respect.
Your parents are trying to help you in their own way so allow them their opinion without disrespecting them in their home. But by all means do what ever it takes to get your own place.

good luck

Answer 6

You parents can not take your kids away because of the color of someone you date. Let your parents know you will date who you want and if they wanna kick you out it's time to grow up and handle your own responsibilities. This is the 2000's and if they wanna be stuck back in time let them. You be with who you want to be with. In the real world do you really think your parents are gonna put you out, no they are using that to keep you from dating outside your race.

Answer 7

Hi Tricia -- remember you are now the mother of your parents grandchildren; this puts you in a position of some influence. I know, I know how difficult it is to be financially dependent upon them. For the good of your children, you need to make sure that their racism doesnt even touch your children while you are there...

now, here's what to do... find some kind of financial advising services or couseling for single parents and get yourself into an education program or some kind of training that will lead you to financial indepence soon -- you've GOT to call your own shots on your own life, and the only way you will be free to do that, is to be financially indpendent from your parents.

Good luck!

Answer 8

1. They cant take you kids away they are yours. You are not doing anything wrong.
2. You can't help who you fall for. Its just the way your brain works.
3. Go for it go out with him. If they say anything tell them he is a good man. Has a good job (hopefully he does) and that he is good with kids and tell them that you are not proposing to him you are just going on a date. And that you know they care about you and your kids but this is your decision and that you are a big girl and can make a decision. And if you did get proposed to you would consider there opinion.
My family is very racist as well i don't know why but they just are. My dad told me that if i ever married anyone of a different race he wouldn't come to my wedding i said "Dad if you loved me at all you would accept my decision and love me for who i am and who i love" After that he did say one thing about it. If i date someone of a different race he accepts them.

Answer 9

First of all they can't take your kids from you cause they will get laughed out of court on racial ignorance. As far as living with them girl find a way to get out on your own. There is assistance out there for single mothers & enjoy your life the way you want to & raise your kids to be the way you want them to be. Your parents are only going to confuse them. Good Luck!

Answer 10

First of all no one can take your kids away for dating a black man, and if they think they can they are stupid as well as racist.
Ultimately, you like who you like and it is none of their concern who you do or don't date. I would rather live elsewhere regardless of the financial implications than live with that kind of attitude.