When someone close to you dies, how do you cope without faith?

Question

I was just answering someone else's question and thought of this one. I've always wanted to know how people who are atheists or don't believe in God or life after death cope with death and dying? Especially when a loved one dies?

For me, when I lost loved ones who I knew loved Jesus and were headed to heaven, it made such a difference knowing that death is not a wall but a door and that they had just walked through it ahead of me... knowing I'd see them one day in heaven and having that confidence made the difference. Otherwise, I think I would have drowned in despair and loss.

Thoughts?

Answer 1

I would like to turn that question around a little bit, and come at it from the direction of another question - Why is "faith" called FAITH? It's the name used to describe a strong belief in something for which there is not one single shred of clear, solid, irrefutable, unarguable, incontrovertible, unquestionable PROOF. Now ask the question what makes people have "faith"? Well, absolutely nobody really wants to accept, and confront the possibility that everything is just what it is.. a sequence of chance events, and that at the end of life, that's it. You just "go pop" and you are no more. From the dust you came, to the dust you return. Just that simple This concept is just so utterly repugnant and intolerable to a great many people, that they will grasp at any alternative argument - any proposition that will allow them to believe it "just ain't so" In fact, you go a long way towards demonstrating what I am talking about when you said yourself.in your question that you "don't know how people who are atheists (etc) can cope with death and dying." Exactly. You find it absolutely necessary to believe, so that YOU can cope.
The Atheist is a realist. He knows (as everybody under the sun knows, but not all will admit) that just the fact that a person believes in something - no matter how passionately he believes in it - doesn't make it a FACT. You can shout and scream and proclaim "Oh yes, it IS a fact" But the truth is, a true fact is one that can be demonstrated. You can do more than just TELL another person it's a fact, you can SHOW that person. And when it comes to life beyond physical death, and all that stuff about heaven and hell, that is just something that nobody has ever been able to do - because if they had been able to, there would no longer be any argument about it.
I am totally delighted for any person who says "I know that there is a God, and I know there is Heaven, and I am going there" Wonderful. If that belief gives that person comfort; if it gets him out of bed each morning and motivates him through his day with happiness in his heart, and with joy and optimism, there is absolutely NO downside. But it's no use trying to convince ME unless you a re going to give me that clear and unequivocal evidence that it IS so. I can tell you that I accept your conviction, but I can't tell you that I share it, or that I can embrace it myself, because what came out of my mouth would not match what I truly think.
When somebody who has meant a lot to me died,I grieved for the loss of that person, knowing that he or she would be deeply missed. But the very best I can do is say "That is the cycle of life. They entered this world, they lived in it, they departed, and I was glad to have had the chance to walk some of their journey with them. A person doesn't necessarily reject the idea that death is the end, just because he doesn't happen to believe in the existence of a mysterious invisible superbeing. I don't have a clue, and I am not going to pretend otherwise. There is, in fact, a lot of compelling evidence suggesting that somehow, in some way, there IS some sort of event by which that person's "essence" - his "personal consciousness" His "soul" if you like that word, transitions to some new form of "being". If that turns out to be the case, then hopefully I will meet again all the significant people in my life who passed on before me. But I do not "know" and I shall have to await my own departure to find out. If it is NOT so, then I shall, of course, never know about it, or about anything ever again.
I can't spend the life that I have, agonizing over something I cannot change, or avoid - death - or whatever might or might not be on the other side of it. I can't worry about the fact that with advancing age, I get grey haired, and wrinkles LOL. You change the things you can, you accept the things you cannot change, and, if you are lucky, you will have the wisdom to know the difference. But whatever YOU personally believe, is like your personal property. It's yours to own, and nobody has the authority to tell you that you cannot own what is yours. It's just that what I believe is MY property. I only know for sure that I cannot and will not embrace something as "fact" just because another person insists that it is.

Answer 2

Let's concede that the whole idea of death is a great incentive for many to believe that somehow it can be overcome. If one could somehow believe there is no real death, then the "despair and loss" are greatly reduced. But surely you must see that this is an untenable posture, totally lacking in intellectual and even spiritual coherence. The motivation is to avoid living in fear.

Put another way, even if you fear heights, it is absurd to pretend that the whole world is at sea level, or that buildings only have a ground floor. Your fears only validate themselves, not the fantasies you create to avoid thinking about them.

But let me tell you that tens of millions in this world have lost loved one without believing in a post-mortal paradise. And they deal with it as one would expect. The are saddened, often greatly, and with time they pick up their lives and go on - with the happy and lovely memories of the departed. Fear doesn't necessarily call for the abandonment of reason.

Answer 3

Maybe you need to have the comfort of those beliefs.

I don't believe in anything like that so it would be a lie for me to try and those ideas wouldn't bring me any comfort.

Nelson Mandela said something along the lines of people being scared to be strong. We're stronger and more resilent than most of us are willing to acknowledge. We think we can't manage, so we rely on God or Jesus or something else to get us through. But it's all inside us and our community, we're doing it, not a myth of divinity.

Friends, community and my own strength are what have gotten me through losses. I know that my pain is a reflection of what was good and I treasure those memories.

Answer 4

I'm not trying to be rude...but you asked. I believe most atheists would tell you that they find no comfort in some pie in the sky fairytale god that makes absolutlely no sense to them. Of course we are saddened when we lose someone we love. But adpoting some myth about life after death does not ease their pain. Grief is usually handled in hte same way christian handle it...except for the bargaining phase. Time heals pain for most all of us. I find life to be fun, joyous, worthwhile ...and finite. Don't feel sorry for me. I'm quite content without a god.

Answer 5

Death is a natural event. As humans, we suffer many emotional losses during our lifetime; the death of a loved one is one of the biggest and hardest. We take our strength from our remaining friends and family, and from an honest acceptance of the realities of life. There is no comfort for us in the fairy tale heaven you envision.
My father died not too long ago; it was heart-breaking to see him suffer, but he did have a wonderful life before he got sick. He didn't waste a moment of it dreaming of "everlasting life"---and we who loved him and miss him "think not, with sorrow, he is no more, but rather think with gratitude, he was."

Answer 6

Its easy actually. I've lost lots of family members in my life. I mourn for a while and then I move on. Its all about the Circle of Life thing. We humans are nothing more than anything else in the universe...a collection of atoms. When we 'die', our atoms simply return to their original state and become parts of other life and non-life forms.

Did you know that every thing you eat is nothing more than reused atoms from other dead things? Think about it.

No despair on my part, its just the natural cycle of things.

Answer 7

What makes you think you can't cope with death if you don't believe in the Christian god?

Time heals all wounds. The person is just gone, nothing more. Better than believing that they're suffering in hell for all eternity, don't you think?

Answer 8

Believe me, I don't jump for joy and celebrate when someone close to me dies! And even as a Christian, I have felt despair and loss. Life is short, life is fragile. And God is still God.

Answer 9

You find strength within yourself and your fellow living, you remember the dead for what they did and what impact they've had on you, you promise yourself to never forget the lessons they've taught you, you find whatever closure you can, and you make peace with yourself over everything that was left unsaid and undone.

Then, you slowly come to terms with the emptiness left by their passing and you continue on making the most of the life you have.

Answer 10

the same way we all cope with anything. We accept it. The trick is to accept reality as it is, and not live in fantasy. People who can't cope with reality have been attempting to fool themselves all along. And then reality smacks them between the eyes and they have to look. Sad to watch them throwing themselves on the casket and things like that.
Acceptance doesn't mean you have to like it.