I know its difficult to have children really close in age but are there any parents like myself who find it difficult to have children with a big age difference. My daughter was 8 years old when my son was born and I missed her dance recital when my son was 2 wks because he was sick and I couldnt find someone to watch him. Then today I just barely got to see her school christmas recital because my son who is now 19 months old started screaming right after his sisters solo part. I left a sweet note in the office for her but I just feel bad. I feel like she is missing out because of the age difference. And now Im 7 wks pregnant. She has always been very understanding but I still feel horrible. Anybody else going through or have gone through the same thing I am right now? Some encouraging words would be great right now. Thanks!
2006-12-15 07:35:23 · 19 answers · asked by Kristin Pregnant with #4 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Thank you for the kind words.. Im starting to feeling better already. I think Im going to pick up ingredients for my daughters fav cookies (Norwegian Cringles) and her and I can make them after my son goes to sleep tonight.
2006-12-15 08:02:26 · update #1
The fact that you're taking the time to consider how everything is affecting your daughter shows that you're a great mother. Your heart is in the right place. But what are you going to do when you have a sick 2 week old or a screaming 19 month old? You do what you have to do... what's best/easiest at the time.
As John Lennon said "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans". The age difference might not be an easy one...but this is just how things are. And everything is as it should be. There will be rough patches... as in all families (when two children are around the same age and have events on the same dates/times... you also have to make a tough choice)... but as long as you make it a point to continue trying to make time for your daughter... she'll grow up feeling loved.
It seems like guilt is just part of being a Mom. We do the best we can... and one day your daughter will see that... when she struggles with her own parenting issues.
Just try to make some time for one on one time with her... like take her out for a lunch date or a picnic or something... just the two of you for a couple of hours... just to chat (every few weeks at least). Do you have a hubby or babysitter to help you out with the little one?
Best wishes!
2006-12-15 07:45:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I have an eleven year old girl and expecting a baby boy next month, I know it is going to be difficult but I have thought of a few things to make her NOT feel left out....
The hospital I am having her at offers a "big brother-big sister class" and I have signed her up for that!
The first baby item we bought for the new baby is a bib that says "I am the big sister"
Everything that has been bought for this baby was with my daughters help.
The point I am trying to get to is I think if you keep them as active in the situation then hopefully there wont be any jealously!
Just keep the older ones involved and make sure that you spend time alone with the elder children, make like a play date or something!
2006-12-15 07:56:12 · answer #2 · answered by melhnly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well here's some real life experience:
Me and my brothers are 8 years apart and the truth is i loved every minute of it! When he was young he looked up to me and considered me his "second" mother. I absolutely loved being loved so much. It is the best feeling to know that someone you love is watching you so closely, it makes you try harder to be a good role model. My brother was my favorite thing of life for a long time. I was going through an emotional uprising and just the innocence of his child hood made me happy. I am so glad that me and my brother have such a large age difference I wouldn't have it any other way. I have 2 sisters that are only 3 years younger than me and surprisingly I'm closer with my little brother than my sisters. Don't worry your little girl will adjust and in time she will learn to love the age difference. It's proven that the oldest child is the most responsible so she will learn to understand as i did, i didn't miss anything in my childhood due to the age difference, in fact i gained much more. Just do your best as a mother and it sounds like you are, your daughter will understand that you can love more than one child and good luck with your bundle of joy on the way, I'm sure your daughter will love it!
2006-12-15 07:54:30 · answer #3 · answered by blondie9 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't have any kids and I won't have any but my opinion on it is if I could I won't have them so part in age. My older brother and his wife have a daughter and son and they are 14 months apart and then there's my husband's sister who has 2 girls who are 6 and 2 and I disagree with that even though she didn't plan on having the 2 year old but I won't want mine to be more then 3 years apart so they could grow up close. My older brother and I are 3 years apart but my younger brother and I are only 17 months apart. But really like someone else said that it's up to the person on how they want to do it but that is how I would want it.
2006-12-15 07:55:58 · answer #4 · answered by Irish Girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no way on earth its possible to spend every minute with all of your children and be at every little thing they have. I for one have 3 year old triplets that do different activities. I cannot possibly be there to watch all 3 of them every time. I also have a 1 year old so sometimes its hard to do things with her. I explain this to them and set aside special times with just me and each one seperately. It helps them to know that I do want to be there with them, even if I cant be there for everything. They are starting to really understand this and it makes everything a lot easier! Then again girls can tend to be a little more emotional, and I am sure I will have the same problems you have when my baby is older! Its something every parent deals with, so dont feel like your alone. Good Luck!
2006-12-15 07:46:34 · answer #5 · answered by eric 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with others that said any more than 1 is hard...even 1 child is tough - as we all know it's a life-long commitment! You are doing a great job - you showed up to your daughter's recital - do you know how many parents would just have dropped their child off - and not even tried to stay with an infant. The fact that you feel guilty about making sure your oldest is not "forgotten" says so much about your caring, loving parenting. You are doing good - really good. Happy Holidays.
2006-12-15 07:45:17 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, i'm a triplet (14 yrs old) and i can say that with an older brother, an older sister, and a triplet brother and sister, my parents try very hard to make sure that we all get equal amounts of attention. sometimes it's hard, because my mom works during the day so for all 5 of us, only my dad is home. but, it's necessary to understand how my parents love all of us and that they have busy lives too so sometimes it's okay for them not to give us what we want all of the time. they usually show us how they care by hugging us a lot, telling us what great students we are in school, thanking us for helping with chores, and taking us on lots of family vacations and other things. i just wanted to let you know that as a child of your situation, your daughter probably understands and respects what you are going through. hope i helped!
2006-12-15 07:44:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm in pretty much the same shoes, my oldest just turned 8, second is almost 2 1/2 and the baby just turned 1. Yeah, it's hard, but to be honest the third isn't as bad as you're probably imagining right now. I was terrified at the thought of two kids 16 months apart. Life gets hectic, but it's managable. Be glad your oldest is understanding, mine is too, but I can't imagine trying to do this with a spoiled selfish oldest. As the babies get bigger, it'llget easier. *hugs*
I'm open for e-mails if you want to talk more.
2006-12-15 07:40:38 · answer #8 · answered by tabithap 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
having more than one child no matter how big a age dif.u will miss some things it just happens i have four and 3 play baseball and as an example they all had a game on the same day it sucked...it was hard but like i said it happens we just split the games luckily 2 were at the same place so hubby was at on place and i was at another ..we have had lots of those kids of things happen and mine are 11 10 8 and 5
2006-12-15 09:15:30 · answer #9 · answered by Tiffany M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was 6 when my brother was born in 1979 and just a year later my sister was born. Looking back I don't remember who was there and who wasn't. I remember the special times that my mom and I shared, shopping, going out to lunch, the library, because these are things that the younger ones could not do with my mom, just me. And when we would go out all of us together, mom would call me her helper. I always felt like I had a very important job in being the "big sister" because I was made to feel that way. And as she gets older she will feel that way too.
2006-12-15 07:59:35 · answer #10 · answered by 1973kimberly 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋