God, i am finding this so difficult?

Question

Please advise me. My mother has left my father, and gone to live in Spain with another man. My dad is in bits, but trying to deal with it. My mum has been a witch with me, all my life, but i have always forgiven her, cause she`s my mum. She is calling me from Spain now, every day, enthusing about her fantastic life, while my dad sits pining for her. She rang me tonight, said, there will be nothing for xmas for me, or her grandchildren, cause she and her bf, are getting a a smart appartment together, and they are a priority, their happiness is what counts. I said Okay, but i am so mad, and hurt at this statement, as my dad is the one supporting her, she never worked, but claims she is entitled to half of his money, and it does amount to a lot, and he has handed it over, for a peaceful life. She loves her bf, more than me, and my kids, and she is taking my father for a ride, but i am trying not to fall out with her, but it is so hard. Any advice please?

Answer 1

I wouldn't give your mom the time of day if I were you.....I'd focus on making your life (and your dad & the ones around you) happy. Your mom is a selfish, self-centered b!tch...and I'd write her out of your life.

An easy way to do this is to write her name on a piece of paper and then tear it up into little pieces. It will make you feel better.

Answer 2

Problem is she is entitled to half the money whether she earnt any or not as they're married and theres nothing you can do about that. Remember she brought the children up (albeit badly) but she still did. She does sound like a very selfish person but maybe she was unhappy and sometimes its hard for children to understand that as you probably don't know the full story - however I'm not sticking up for her as she sounds like shes been nasty to your Dad and I feel sorry for him and not buying you pressies as she is looking after number one over ithere in Spain shows what a selfish cow she really is. Maybe you should tell her - from your point of view as you can't talk for your Dad and you can't make them get back together but you can tell her that she treats YOU badly. I would, your Dad will be happy eventually and you will be there for him so he'll be OK and in time may meet someone else - and what comes around goes around - if anything happens to this new bloke shes stuck in Spain on her own - shes really cut off all her ties for him so is taking a big risk - so you just sit by and watch her fall flat on her face xxxx

Answer 3

This is just too appalling to comprehend. I can only imagine your mother is going through some personal identity crisis but nothing can excuse her negligence and callous treatment of her family.

I feel for your father and I think he must ensure that he gets some paperwork in place to prevent her from completely cleaning him out. You also have a say in what is happening regarding the money as, let's face it, the more she and her boyfriend take, the less there is for your inheritance, and that of your children.

But I feel this is not your main concern at the moment. You are feeling hurt - quite rightly - by her clear rejection of you and your children and everything that your family has meant to you since childhood. I think it is important that you and your father should try to get some family counselling as I am sure your father will need all the support he can get. i wish you all the very best and hope you can find some peace this Christmas.

Answer 4

Its easier said than done. But I would treat her in a similar way she has you.
If I had kids I would like to think that they would always be my number 1 priority. Your mum does not seem to care for or about you(or your dad). I would like to think I would be strong enough to cut her out of my life and focus my attention towards the people that cared and thought about me. (In your case your children and your dad). That is where you will find the most happiness. I know she's your biological mum but it takes alot more to be called a mother. (not sure if thats round the right way, but i think you get the jist )
Hope you have a good xmas and your dad cheers up soon. Time is a great healer.

Answer 5

I know she's your mum, but she sounds like a totally selfish *****.
Presumably she spoils herself because she thinks that she's "worth it", she's not! She is (In psychiatric terms) your role model but you probably take after your dad more. She has, absolutely, let you down, and from now on any relationship you have with her should be on your terms, not hers. If, despite of her immaturity and self-indulgence, she still wants a proper relationship with you she will have to bend a little. You need to be honest, communicative and mature with her, to set the standard which she should have set. I don't know how old you are but I would guess that you are in your teens or twenties. If you are then this is a time of challenges and turmoil and your mum ought to be there for you. I'm glad that you get mad about the situation because, although it hurts, it is a healthy instinctual response. Do not put her on a pedestal, she is your mum, but if she lets you down it is not because of anything that you have done, it is because of who she is as an individual. No parents are perfect (It is not an easy job), but NEVER penalise your self because of her behaviour. Look after your dad and happy Christmas.

Answer 6

Hi, I sympathise, I went thro v similar 15 yrs ago when my mum walked out on my dad. She took him for a fool, he bowed down and did everything asked. She returned 5 years later expecting all to be well. He took her back then regreted it to an extent. My advice would be to have one good lash-out at her get it off your chest but when u start u gotta finish ie. dont hold back, stick up for your dad big time. I did this and it caused silence for a while then she realised I was right so we sorted things out, but I have always since found it easy to step-in when she over-steps the mark with my dad. Be brave if not for yourself do it for your dad, he will be annoyed initially but will grow that bigger bond in the long run - good luck hun x

Answer 7

You respect your mum and thats admirable. But to lie down like a doormat and say its all okay when its not.....not cool. sends a funky message to y our kids too, about how to relate to people and you. Mom's a grown up... keep it simple but be honest with her. Dad's a grown up too he needs to have some other support besides you....although if this is new its good to give him some company for a while..... You have your own life and your own kids. That needs to be priority one so that you dad can have his rightful place as grandpa in your kids lives... all the best. You don't have to save the world...

Answer 8

that isn't right of your mom to act this way. She's being very selfish and childish. I commend your dad for trying to move on but he doesn't have to support her especially if she has a bf. You don't have deal with her and if worse comes to worse, just tell her to go live her life and leave you and your kids and dad alone. If she has her life then why does she feel compelled to bother you all? Also, try to see if there are any nice women your dad would like to get to know. Not marriage or anything but someone who would enjoy his company and kindness. good luck to ya.

Answer 9

It's totally ok 2 fall out wit ur mum, it happens all the time especially when she's being such a b**ch (exuse my language).
Seriously, stop taking her calls and give ur dad all the moral support he needs. This is a clear pointer that he need you more than she does. If she's only calling you 2 rub it in, stop takin her calls. Get close to ur dad and support him thru these times, he deserves and needs it.

Answer 10

Sorry to hear that your dad has got to get a solicitor involved before he gives her anything else to her. She obviously dont care much about her children or grandchildren let her know how you feel and the damage she has done. Her life is so great she says she is rubbing yours and you dads nose in it and using his money. You got to be there for your father now he needs you. Tell her not to phone anymore you will contact her when you have cleaned up the mess she has left behind.

Answer 11

I have been in almost the same position as you, and all i can say is what i did.
I cut her out of my life as i felt betrayed hurt and disgusted at her treatment of me, my hubby and my son (i was also pregnant at the time) there was a lot more to what she did before anyone judges me.
I then left her alone for 2 years and we were brought together again with the death of a family friend, she has since apologised and we are back on track.
But it took a lot of emotional heartache and i ended up seeing a counsellor.
Just let her be, if she cares then she will be in touch, but as a mother myself she has betrayed you and hurt you, which is unforgivable, but you WILL always love her as she is your mum.