How to deal with an Abusive Husband? How to deal with verbal, physical and emotional abuse?

Question

i have loved him but after marriage he has completely changed...His mother controls everything and to a great extent she is the one who has ruined my marriage...my husband abused me physically, verbally and emotinally.. ..it`s been 18 months..he has been verbally abusive to my parents also..his mother supports him...moreover, they say to people that he is the victim..where as the truth is just the opposite...is it possible that he is mentally ill? because he always blame me whenever his anger breaks out...which is very often..even on slightest thing he doesnt like..although theres nothing wrong in it actually..he misunderstands everything and so does his mother...do they want to get rid of me so that they can bring a new wife as i didnt bring much dowry..he told me that he loves me but i doubt when he misbehaves....i m confused whats the reality---whether he wants me or not?? whether he is mentally ill or what?? please help me

Answer 1

YOU WILL HAVE TO BE BRAVE IF YOU WANT LIVE WITH THIS MAN. I THINK HE IS MENTALLY ILL AND THE TREATMENT IS ONLY TO BEHAVE IN THE SAME WAY AS HE IS BEHAVING WITH YOU. LEAVE HIM FOR SOME DAYS AND MOVE TO YOUR PARENT'S HOUSE AND SEE HIS REACTION. IF THEY PHYSICALLY ABUSE YOU REPORT THE MATTER TO POLICE. BE BRAVE NEED NOT WORRY. WE YAHOO FRIENDS WILL HELP YOU KEEP IN TOUCH.

Answer 2

I wouldn't give him the credit of being mentally ill. Some people thrive on controlling and belittling others to feel better about themselves.

The answer to your question is simple (although often hard to act upon) LEAVE.

Staying with a person who abuses you is insane. Life is too short and if he'll hit you, he'll kill you. Slowly but surely, every time his temper "gets out of control", a piece of you dies. You'll find yourself wondering what happened, how did I become this person?

Realize your worth, and do it fast!!!!

Further more, you married him, not his mother. Don't give her credit for ruining your marriage. He's a moron because he is. There's nothing that his mother could say or do to make him mistreat you if it wasn't in his heart to do so already.

Him blaming you is a way to make his actions seem o.k. It's not your fault.

Let them bring in a new wife, you don't need to put up with his mess. Just hope that Karma is moving fast and that the next one shows him what it's like to walk in your shoes.

He'll regret it, but he can't miss a good thing (you) until it's gone.

In closing, run like the wind and don't look back. Don't worry about tomorrow, things will work out. If you stick around, tomorrow may never come.

Answer 3

Its always the same thing with abuse they always say its your fault and the love you. Love is not supposed to hurt. If his family supports him its gonna be harder for him to change so you need to leave.

Even if you are willing to try to work at your marriage by counselling etc. the best thing right now is to leave. Maybe you could go back to live with your parent etc. If he wants a new wife or he's mental is not an issue this is abiut you.

You are in control of your destiny. Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this?Do you think this is how you are supposed to be treated? If no , RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.

Physical abuse may lead to death. The beatings get worse each time. what if you become handicapped or die from a beating?

Answer 4

no he is not mentally ill he is a greedy man i think .he does not love u if he is teasing so much badly and if u r saying that may be there is a matter of dowry then definitely he want money from ur parents don't be sad dear just watch him some time what he wants &which makes him angry ...wn he will be in good mood u can discuss him what he want ...........does he love u or not ask him what ever u feeling see what he tells ...u r with bad peoples just take care of ur self ok think 2 times before telling some thing 2 them if u want 2 share some thing we r with u can contact us we will help u .........keep an eye on their behavoiur some time if u think that u r not happy with him he will never change 4 u then leave him it will be good 4 u, take some time before any dicision.good luck.

Answer 5

i just came from a 2 year physical and mental abusive relationship. he controlled everything. what i eat, the clothes, jewelry, makeup i wore. my hairstyle, where i worked, my money. EVERYTHING. he was all about control. i could not have any friends and communication with my family was limited. even with my own 2 sons. everytime he would get angry and call me the most degrading, lowest thing he could think of, he said you make me do this to you. you make me this angry. now stop making me this way he would say. when he would kick my ***, it was always me making him do it to me. he was very smart. computer geek, guitar player, loved to travel and was fun. but the other side to him was more than i could bear any longer. next time he hit me..he was going 6 feet under. so.....i couldnt live anymore with the abuse. i didnt want to live in misery for the rest of my life. i didnt want to live the rest of my life knowing that i took someone else's life. so.......i left. never went back. it has been almost 3 wonderful "free" years now. i am living again. i am so happy and love my life. i am married to the most wonderful man that walks this planet. get out girl..leave. please.
it will never change.

Answer 6

I have read your post carefully. I kinda of got an understanding of your situation when you said you didn't bring much of a dowry. Which means, divorcing is probably frowned upon. But if someone loves you or wants you, they don't abuse you. They care for you take care of you. They may just want you to leave, and take your money. They may possibly have another woman they are interest in for their son. Who could possibly be offering the family more. But unfortunately in your culture. You either stay married or you leave and bring your family to shame.

Answer 7

For an outsider, it is difficult to state with accuracy whether your husband suffers from mental disorder or not. I don't think he is mentally ill. He may be high strung though. And illogical to a degree. I also think that he loves you inspite of his abuses. He probably wants to see you the way his mother desires. His outlook and abusive nature might well end for good once he comes out of his mother's shadow.

Answer 8

My frist husband was like that to and no matter how much he said he would change he did for about a day and then it would start again ...theres no way to put this easy except cut ur loses now and move on ...i know its easier said then done cause u love him but its only hard at first and then u will find someone more caring like i did it does get better but u have to get out while u still can

Answer 9

Try to sort-out your problems by talking to your husband,BUT if you feel this thing is beyond reasonable solutions then the only solution is to file for a separation.
These things,as far as I can gather from your post,are already out of your control.No man should ever hurt a lady,if your husband sees the point through a talk then its fine but if he continues with physical abuse then you will have to get out of that house.Your parents will help you to get all legal help,if you wish.
Good Luck to you

Answer 10

Dear Deep Ocean,

Pleasr walk out of this relationship. Pls... This man is not gonna change and his mother will not let it change.
I was in ur situvation 5 years back but didnt have the guts to get out of it. Unfortunately i am still stuck in it.I regret everyday of my life...y didnt i just walk away????

I sincerely hope u will be able to make a decision.It is difficult to just walk away..at times u might think its impossible, but just trust urself and if u have read few of the above posts u will know how women walked away and have no regrets.
All the best dear !!!!

Answer 11

Whoa Anger Management problem there. He has had a bad past and tried to hide it. But generally people who have do bad things are not satisfied with their life and have problems. How can you live like this? I would file a divorce. You want to have a happy life with soemone who will treat you right. You husband now does not do it. Its never too late. He doesnt think before he acts and is impulsive.