to spank or not to spank?

Question

I have ran into this question lots of times. What are your opinions on this? I feel that the reasons children are so out of control now is that parents don't have the control anymore. My parents spanked me and I would not do half the stuff these kids are doing now. I feel that spanking(not abuse) is not used enough with out of control kids. It did not hurt me mentally at all. I think that is one of the reasons I have a masters degree and a wonderful job. It kept me in line.

Answer 1

I answser all the questions I see on this because I agree 110% with you. I was also spanked as a kid. I turned against it in college under the influence of liberal psychology and education professors. In fact from what they said I should be a neurotic mess (I was spanked in the most "dangerous" way--on my bare fanny).

Once I had my own kids I gradually decided that my parents were not so stupid and old fashioned as I had been led to believe. I am now kind of a nutty radical advocate of spanking.

But I think a lot of younger parents are spanking more. We are just sick and tired of all the spoiled brats and the Nanny 911, etc. nonsenses.

And the idea that spanking is ineffective and harmful is a myth. It is something that grew out of the failed no-spanking social experiment starting in the 1950's.

I have actually spent quite a bit of time looking at the spanking research. All the studies finding "it will destroy your child and society" are at best inconclusive and at worst deeply flawed. Yet these are promoted as fact so much by the media and pop psychologists that it is now pretty much taken as fact. Even parents who spank often feel to the need to "only spank as a last resort."

There are actually very good studies that spanking is not only not harmful, but is the best way to get kids to comply with their parent's wishes.

You can see my review of the spanking research and literature at http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-GgIFACYzfqWx8YwvtspSWVmWzA--?cq=1&p=793

Answer 2

I don't know if it will get rid of all the rudeness, but it sure would help. The problem is many parents do not discipline at all. They are too busy trying to be friends with their kids. You can't be a parent and friend.

For a good discussion of spanking check out In Defense of Spanking

Answer 3

It amazes me that after all the talk of abused children growing up to become abusers, there is still discussion of spanking as a valid form of discipline. Spanking is physical violence perpetrated on a being that is first, SMALLER and secondly, WEAKER than the one wielding the 'weapon' (whether it be a paddle, a whip, a slipper or a hand). Thirdly, the one on the receiving end is completely DEPENDENT on the one weilding the 'weapon'. Regardless of whether the actual impact of the 'weapon' on delicate skin causes actual pain, it does violate that person's personal space and in so doing humiliates him/her. Thus the one weilding the 'weapon' sends out two very strong messages, 1) "I'm bigger and stronger than you so I am in control. Don't you DARE forget it." 2) "You're dependent on me so I can do what I damn well please. If I choose to beat the sh** out of you, I will. " 3) I'm bigger so I can humiliate you."
Some will argue that a few spankings didn't change them, that they turned out OK despite the spankings. Some may even attribute their success to a sound beating at some point in their lives. But I question whether the few success stories are worth promoting a practice that should have been abandoned in the stone age. How many more have suffered mental and physical damage (to varying degrees, of course) because of violence perpetrated upon them by parents.
Some of the damage is not visible but manifests itself in low self-esteem which in turn leads to other problems. Just think of all the bullying in schools. Surely it doesn't take much to see that the bigger kids think it's OK to beat up on the little, weaker kid. How about the number of women who get involved with men who beat them but stay because they think they 'deserve' it.
Every time a child is struck in anger, the adult robs him of self-esteem and teaches him it's OK to disrespect those weaker and smaller than oneself, and if they're dependent on you, you can be a tyrant and get away with it. Can we in good conscience really promote this act of violence supposedly because it "achieves the desired result" which is compliance with the parents wishes? I think not, because what the parent has done is achieved his/her end by breaking the child's spirit, and no one has the right to do that. The parents' job is to teach and guide by example, not to impose their will on the child and crush him if he doesn't.

Answer 4

Honestly i see no reason why spanking should not be allowed. and these ppl that say if an adult said something you didn't like are you going to spank them.. hell no... they might get turned on... man or woman.... children need discipline now a days. Do you see how 95% of our children are turning out... yes there are countless of books and nanny 911 show other ways to punish the children... but ppl need to understand that nanny 911 are for those parents that give in or don't agree with each other and so the kids walk all over them... if they had stayed firm or atleast consulted each other about a punishment and stuck to it they wouldn't be having a problem with their children and their children wouldn't need nanny 911 to come and save them from their children. I am not saying to spank in like the little cases.. but if your child did something big like stole, lied repeatedly, and got in trouble with the police or something along those lines... then yes i would spank my child... now if it is something little then find an appropriate punishment... but seriously... who are these ppl that would judge you b/c you spank your child... do these ppl have kids at all??? I am worried about the non spankers... b/c it is going to be about 80% chance that it is their child that is doing all of the bad stuff and getting your child in trouble... they don't know what discipline is.. my brother was a horrible child... he swore, lied, cheated, stole, broke every rule ever... and when my parents started spanking.. he did a u turn and started behaving better.... they had stuck to punishments... when one didn't work they would switch it the next month.. not really switch but add to it... so yes spanking helped him.. and i knew i never wanted to be spanked so i never did anything bad.... so yes in some circumstances spanking is good .... its not abuse if you are in control and not raging with anger.... i swear ppl... get a life... i'm tired of ppl saying that same stupid line "if it was an adult would you spank them" that is the most stupidest thing in the whole world to say.... if it was an adult doing something illegal you wouldn't have to spank... just call the cops and they will get them then yes... in prison they will get the spanking that they deserve... so yes... if it was an adult... eventually they would get that spanking....

Answer 5

To spank,

As a last resort. I am for spankings when all else fails, remember i said "spankings" not beating, but not swats either. I am talking about a pants downer, over the lap spanking. Like to old school days. I think it turns into a beating once bruises are left. If spankings are done right, there shouldn't be a need for that many of them.

Answer 6

And yet I manged to keep my daughter "in line" without ever putting a hand on her. Never spanked her I don't even think I ever raised my voice to her. She is in college has maintained a 4.0 gpa for the almost 3 years she has been working on her degree she has been "courted" by city council to take over a vacated seat and she isn't even 21 yet. She is active in student government in school and was never "out of control" because through DISCIPLINE and not HITTING I maintained control. A parent who has to resort to hitting in MY opinion is the one who is out of control.

Answer 7

I don't think "out of control" kids are a result of a decline in spanking. I personally think there are plenty of effective methods of discipline without spanking. I got spanked, and no, it didn't ruin me, but that doesn't mean I am going to hit my child.

There are scores of books with various methods on discipline. You see dozens of questions here where parents say "I've tried time-outs, I've tried spanking, I've tried ignoring them, I've tried taking toys away". This lack of consistency is the cause of the lack of control you describe.

Whatever your method, it must be consistent. For example, if the computer is off limits, you don't let your toddler mess with it when you're too tired to say "No".

If a child gets the same response each and every time they exhibit the behavior (and it's not one they want), they're likely to drop it.

Answer 8

i used to spank but i learned that as they got older spanking didnt matter unless dad was home cause lets face most moms just dont have "it" lol the older they got the less it worked and if dad wasnt home they knew it wasnt a big deal so i had to start to think of someelse to do so now its the normal grounding no phone etc.. really i found the best thing was making them do some kind of job that they HATE to do washing the walls is a great thing my son hates it and guess what u dont have to do it lol good luck

Answer 9

I say to spank!!! I have three kids and I do use other methods of discipline all the time but certain things does warrant a spanking...for instance...my oldest use to start fires (not once) three times! I grounded him and took away all privileges and explained the dangers of it...It didn't work! I whooped his behind and Viola` he never did it again! Some people have said "oh you should've handle that differently" And I tell them "When your child lights your bed on F@&kN fire then you can tell me differently"! That was 3 years ago and other that I've had no problems out of my kids...as a matter of fact I have had other people bring me their kids to discipline them...I agree with you 100% that parents need to take back the control of their kids!

Answer 10

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