Why do teachers send home vague notes?

Question

Why can't they just add in exactly what was said and done?? I mean there is bad language and then there is BAD language. Is it a word my son has never said before in which case I need to just talk to him about it and tell him why it is bad to say or is it something he already knows is wrong to say in which case I can skip the long talk, just give him the short talk, then spank his butt and ground him. Not to mention how long I should ground him for. Should he be grounded for his entire Christmas Vacation or do I just let it go?
How do you take care of this problem if you don't really know anything about it? I mean of course when I ask my son about it, in his version he is completely innocent of any and all wrong doing, but I'm not stupid enough to believe my son is in any way innocent in his actions.
If a teacher is going to take the time out of her/his busy day to write a note to a child’s parents can’t they at least explain what happen a little better??

2nd grade Teachers note:

Sergio is using bad language in class.
His behavior is unacceptable.
Please take care of this problem.
Thanks,
Logan.

I have tryed calling and emailing her to find out more, today was the last day before Christmas vacation and I can't get a hold of her at all to find out more. I started call as soon as my son got home and gave me the note.

Answer 1

This really gets me. As a teacher let me tell you why I may not always write fully detailed notes:
First I am not allowed by law to tell you what language he used. I can't write it down on paper.
Second, many of my children's parents cant read.
Third, I have twenty eight kids in my class, all in need of my attention. I am suppoesed to be teaching and loving them while at work. Finding even two minutes to write a long letter is hard.
And most importantly, when I do address nost parents they make excuses for their child....like instead of addresing the fact that your child doesn't tell you the truth and is using bad language you are using all this time to be angry about a note.
Here's what you do:
you already called the school and got no response.
Tell you child until he gets his memory back, and remembers exactly what happened, no tv no outside, et c. See if friends of his know...........most kids know everything that happened and will tell the truth.
Does the teacher have a home phone or call the principal. They have voice mail and will get back to you if you say it is an emergency even if it is break. Then he can contact the teacher and find out the details for you.

Answer 2

LOL. I cannot believe that! What are these teachers thinking? Is there anyway to get in touch with him? I'm sure you can't because it is Christmas break. Either way, trust your son to a degree.

Tell him since his teacher didn't include the bad word that you are going with his story for now BUT after Christmas break when you get in touch with his teacher if the two stories don't match up he'll be in even bigger trouble.

I'd say an appropriate discipline measure would be to make him do something or pick up extra chores. This will show him when he is disrespectful he has to pay the consequences. It is Christmas break so give him a little freedom but if he behaves badly again just take it all away.

Not only is this an opportunity to teach him about behavior/manners but it's also an opportunity to teach him about trust. If you give him the trust then he might tell you the whole story. If not, he'll have to learn the hard way that honesty is always the best policy.

Best of Luck!

Answer 3

I understand that you are upset at the teacher but think about what her day was like? She can not focus all of her time on one child and a note. There is probably 20-30 students in her class. I am a 3rd grade teacher and while I would never send a note home that was that important without letting a parent know how to get in touch with me, maybe she just ran out of time. If it was a real problem I'm sure she would have called.

Answer 4

Sigh. I understand.

My nephew got a note a few weeks ago that said "Davin should not come to the 3-year-old preschool class anymore. Please speak to Miss Daisy about what happens next". I picked him up and read that, and I FREAKED. What does that mean? What did he do? He swore he didn't do anything bad! No phone number for this Miss Daisy person or anything ... I had to call the school back and stay on hold for half an hour to find out.

THEN they didn't even want to tell me anything because I'm 'just his aunt', as they put it. Well, duh. But I am ON the list to pick him up from school, the list to drop him off, the list to fill in for his mom at parties, the list to sign permission slips ... I mean, obviously I have SOME interest in this kid. Not to mention that he's staying with me because both his parents are in the Navy and overseas right now. I kind of need to know whether to bring him to school.

So FINALLY I get ahold of Miss Daisy and she thinks it's FUNNY? He's not bad. He's too smart. They want him to be in the 4-year-old class. I could have broken someone in half.

Anyway, yeah, I understand. BUT my aunt has taught elementary school for more than 30 years now. She sends home vague notes like that, and she did explain it to me once when I was still in high school.

She claimed it was because 1) they're not supposed to use bad language in a note or while speaking to the parent, unless it's in the presence of an administrator, to prevent misunderstandings, 2) some parents prefer to get the child to tell them what rule was broken themselves, and 3) so that the child doesn't read the note and decide to throw it away since it says something awful.

So. Ask your son what he did all day. Try to get it out of him, since there's no way to contact this person. Ask anything and everything. Did he say a 'curse word'? Did he call someone 'black' instead of 'African-American'? Did he tell someone to shut up? Did he say something about genitalia? All of those types of things might be considered 'bad language' by some people ... elementary teachers almost ALWAYS punish/reprimand children for telling others to 'shut up'.

If you can't find out what it is, have a talk with him about what's appropriate and what's not. Include everything he might have said. Racial words, mean words, curse words, rude words, etc. Ground him for tonight or tomorrow, however it is you do that (since you don't know how serious it was). Make sure he knows there might be more punishment later. I'd bring him to school myself, if you can, to talk to the teacher in person (that way, if it's a 'curse word', she could repeat it somewhere) to straighten this out and ask her politely to please be more specific in the future. If it's something AWFUL, ground him for another week or however long seems right, starting then. He's been forewarned.

Answer 5

Being a teacher is a TOUGH job, in the teacher's defence. If you had 20 children that needed to be supervised do you honestly think that you would have the time to write a detailed letter? I agree with the posts that say no matter what the swear word, the punishment should be the same. d*mn is just as bad as b*tch or f*ck. Swearing is swearing. Give the teacher a break.
Talk to the teacher after Christmas break and ask that in the future, the notes are more detailed. He/she probably wouldn't mind giving more details if asked for them.

Answer 6

I have to agree! Bad language? What words were used? Are you supposed to go threw a list of swear words and tell your son that all of these words are inappropriate? Okay, well that is just silly, because you will give him more words to use when he isn't with you.
I would call the Teacher and have him tell you what words your son used. Be firm with your son but I don't need to tell you that! Sounds to me like your a great Mom so you will have it covered.
I must admit that I took my children's ability to watch T.V. for two days away, when the teacher called me about the same problem. I felt if I locked them in their room, the only person that would be punished would be me. Because we are Spanish my children had very loud mouths and, let me tell you, there was not enough cotton in the world to silence that lot. LOL
P.S. Call that Teacher! He or she will give you the information you need.

Good Luck

Answer 7

I have had many notes like that sent home from my sons grade 2 teacher (not that he is overly bad just stubborn), when i had to go into the school everytime i finally asked if she could just write a clear note home so i didnt have to go in each time (i have two infants as well it is not always easy). Well the short answer that i got from her was there is not enough time to write a note and that the teachers dont always write the note as 'whatever' happend so even the teachers facts can be mistaken or confusing.

Answer 8

My best friends nephew became like this. all by using kindergarten. undesirable notes each of the time. His father and mom were SO mad on the instructor. Then the first few weeks of 1st grade became ok then the notes. they only did not get it. (Its a very small college) they stumbled on out the first and kinder instructors were cousins. so that they concept it became only a similar ingredient over. They sat in college and each thing, he became large. Then in some unspecified time sooner or later he punched a instructor aide in the nostril. And each of the stuff they were warned about became now making experience. He became SO large at living house an very angelic and sweet.. They didnt understand why he became like that in school. They nonetheless do not yet for the reason that have had him transferred to a sparkling class and he has a aide with him an excellent type of the day till next semester starts off.

Answer 9

I received a phone call last week telling me that one of my stepdaughters classmates had grabbed her crotch. I had to basically pull teeth to get any more info out the school. I already have issues with the school nurse...she doesn't recognize the difference between a picked scab and ringworm.

Teachers should be more forthcoming about what happens in the classroom. If I get a note from the teacher its "Grace was on red today" and that's no explanation of what she did.

Call the school and ask the teacher.

Answer 10

I don't understand why it matters which word he used. If he's using unacceptable words then that deserves some sort of punishment. Its your job to find out from the child what he said and what he's doing in class. Do you honestly think with 20 or more students the teacher has time to sit down and give you a detailed list of what he's done? It's your job to know. You're the parent not the teacher. Why don't you pick him up from school and find out what went wrong. That's what I would do. Maybe the teacher doesn't have time to cater to each parent. It's amazing what they have to do each day and then parents expect even more.