Recently I wrote about my boyfriend hitting me but that all has changed now. But my mother called to tell him to stay away from me and our 2 boys. He's coming home today at 6:00pm to get his things and I have begged him to stay. I can't live without him, he's everything to me amd the boys. He says I'm better off without him and he wants to make my mom happy. He just won't listen. We are suppose to get married next year but now I don't think we ever will because of my mom. I want to be the family I have always dreamed of but I don't think it will ever happen. What do I do or say to make him stay? Please help me!
2006-12-15 05:18:51 · 20 answers · asked by samanthad06 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If he doesn't want to stay you can not force him. But let me tell you something if he really wanted to be there with you Hun he would not let what your mom said to him stop him from being with his family. Maybe some time away will help him see he needs his family as much as his family needs him. As for the hitting make sure he is getting counseling for his anger issues so you all can work together to be a productive happy family. Good luck to you and happy holidays!
And the comment above once a hitter always a hitter is not true. If someone is given the proper help and treatment and really learns how to deal and cope with anger issues they can be helped.
2006-12-15 05:21:35 · answer #1 · answered by Issym 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
first off never let a man start hitting on you it will never stop, you deserve better than that, but as far as getting him to stay "HE" must realize that you do not live with your mom and you are a grown women and if his love is strong enough than he should stand up to your mother and tell her he is a changed man and that he is not going anywhere that he is staying with you and your boys, ask him why does it matter what she thinks and if it was you and his mom said that would you leave?? NO you would not tell him that. You can not beg him to stay or do anything he does not want to do, but inform him that YOU should be the only one that matters right now NOT YOUR MOM you girl and them boys, My sister is in the same mess but she does not have kids with him and he did end up leaving and I told her if he loved you he would not leave or have left, and after he left he never called again to tell her he was okay, and it has been 3 weeks that is mean and heartless and they were together 4 years.... So I guess sit him down and ask him WHY he is leaving and not to give you any crap about your mom she is not a issue and if that is all then it is that easy he stays with you and you tell your mom to but out, I know she loves you but she cant live your life for you. Good luck and it will be okay I promise. GOD BLESS
2006-12-15 05:34:24 · answer #2 · answered by angel b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LET HIM GO!!!!!!
If your boyfriend has hit you in the past, he will in the future. I know that alot of people change, but unless he has been in anger management classes and therapy, he will not change.
You can live without him. You have to make your's and your boys life better. You can survive without him. Let him get his stuff, then say goodbye. Let the boys see him how the court orders but don't let him come back to your house. Your mother is right.
This is not a guarantee, but if he is abusing you, he may start abusing your children. You all need to get into some type of therapy so you can deal with the separation.
As for his statement that you are better off without him, he probably doesn't want to be there in the first place.
You wanted to be the family that you have always dreamed of. It seems to me that you have some unresolved issues from your own childhood that need to be resolved. Which takes me back to the therapy. Get some outside help and remember that they are there to help you and are only giving you the best advise.
Let the boyfriend go. There are millions of other men out there that will love and treat you and your boy's with respect without abusing you.
2006-12-15 05:39:17 · answer #3 · answered by Joel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey i feel really bad that your having to go through this and don't get me wrong but although i know people can change he did hit you and that's not to be taking lightly. You have your boys to think about and him saying he's changed and you just thinking that he's changed don't mean crap when it comes to your kids. You don't want them to grow up in that type of environment. And you most definitely don't need to think about marriage until y'all can get some counseling to figure out what's going on with this whole relationship and why he feels the need to lay a hand on you period. And the worst thing you could ever do is to try to make someone stay with you because you just can't do that. You need to concentrate on a future for you and your boys and just maybe when you work on you then everything else will fall into place like you wanted it to. Good Luck!
2006-12-15 05:31:00 · answer #4 · answered by 2sweet4u 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't beg. In fact, that is part of the pattern that gives batterers a feeling of superiority and a right to do whatever they damm well plz... I'd say figure out what you are afraid of....my best guess is that you are probably already doing all the things you fear... raising kids yourself, being alone, paying bills... you deserve better so do your kids. Find a way to connect with some other strong women so you have your own network. There are lots of support groups or try the local church (women's ministry). Being in a relationship gives you one more person to take care of. The only place it works the other way around is on tv. Relationships take time, work and commitment. You have enough to do just to take care of you and your kids without all this drama. There is a great guy out there for you...but you aren't going to meet him while you are feeling lousy, begging for attention and putting up with this much drama...whats the message for your kids? settle? never.
2006-12-15 05:44:19 · answer #5 · answered by Sweetserenity 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't beg a man to be with you. If he wants you he wants you, if not move on. If you "make" him stay he won't be happy and neither will you. He'll probably start abusing you again and you nor your boys (especially) need to live under those conditions.
Right now it seems like its the end of the word, but you need to focus on your boys. Not a man. That's the problem. The moment you stop begging him, he'll be begging you. Good Luck!
2006-12-15 05:28:39 · answer #6 · answered by Kristen D 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hmmm....try to sit him down and talk to him and tell him if he loves you and the boys he needs to stay and try to work things out, he cant let everything and everyone come between yall's relationship, tell him you are a grown woman with kids and you dont care what your mom thinks of him all that matters is what you think, it is your life not your mothers. Good luck!
2006-12-15 05:22:11 · answer #7 · answered by Mommy2three 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What is wrong with you? You must not feel to good about yourself. You have a mother that cares for you. No mother ever wants to see her daughter being abused.
you have 2 children. its not ok for children to be in a family situation of this kind. They will grow up one day and think it's ok to treat females this way... ITS CALLED LIVE AND LEARN... MONKEY SEE MONEY DO...
What you can't live without him? YOU don't need a man to feel better about yourself...
2006-12-15 12:57:56 · answer #8 · answered by virginia l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have carefully thought about what I am writing to you. If you love your boyfriend, allow him to at least seek help. If he loves you; he will seek help and allow you to seek counseling as well. You really need some self-esteem. People will only do to you, what you will allow them to do. I would hope you would put your children's welfare before your own wants. Children are influenced by their environment. If you have boys, they may eventually grow up disrespecting and hitting you or hitting their girlfriends. If you have daughters, you really need to show more backbone. I am sure you wouldn't want them having a man in their future beating on them. That unfortunately is what you are teaching them about relationships. They may grow up thinking that is normal. It isn't! Put your kid's needs first, then get some counseling.
2006-12-15 05:43:14 · answer #9 · answered by ricepat2000 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, what kind of an example is he showing your boys by hitting you? If he has enough respect to go because of your mom and become a better man, then let him do that. She cared enough to tell him to go. No man should ever hit a woman he loves. Maybe he needs to work on himself before even considering marriage. If you want your boys to grow up and be men, they need a good example of how to be one.
2006-12-15 05:25:19 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋