What else can I do to deal with my fiance's attitude?

Question

We've been together for 7 years, a child, a new business and a lot of future plans. He is a good guy and a good father and even though he doesn't give me attitude every single day, when he does is kind of bad and it hurts so much that I have to cry. It really hurts when he yells at me to a point in where it even makes me think about forgetting about everything and leave him, but then stupid me after he says sorry, I won't do it again and I'll try to change, it seems like if at that moment I don't have any other choice but to forget the incident and keep on walking. Even when he apologize knowing that he was wrong he would still blame it on me by saying that I made him do it. I don't know what to do, I really want to keep my family together and I don't want 7 more years to past by dealing with the same thing. Compare to when I met him he has improved like an 80 % but I'm still kind of disatisfy. We're suppose to get marry but I don't know now. What do you think I can do? pleasetellme

Answer 1

I wouldn't get married. I can see you want to work through this but you need to realize that you are in a cycle of abuse. I know it sounds extreme. But it is one all the same. His refusal to take responsibility for his own actions has me worried. Screaming at you is not acceptable. I would recommend counseling immediately to get to the root of the problem. Separate counseling then after sometime couples counseling.

You don't want to expose your child to this kind of rage, have them grow up & think it's normal. Or perhaps even start doing it themselves. Is this the kind of man you’d want your daughter with? Or is this the kind of man you want your son to grow into? If not you need to get some help. It sounds like he has a lot of good qualities! That awesome, but if he's not willing to get help for his problem, I'd leave him. It's just not worth it. You have a child to look after now. So he only does it 20% of the time now, that could increases or decreases, with new situations. Stress at work etc. You need to address this now BEFORE you walk down the isle.

Answer 2

Honey, is there any way you can get some free counseling for battered women? It sounds like you don't know if you are or not. And it sounds like you think that you've 80% cured the problem. I'm not an expert. You don't mention the child's behavior, and that will soon be mentioned by teachers reports from school, so that's a consideration coming up. DO NOT GET MARRIED until you try some counselors alone at first and then maybe together if it gets that far. Then figure out if you have a future.

Answer 3

What you describe sounds like the classic, text-book cycle of abuse. Remember, abuse isn't just physical.

You didn't mention instigating anything... so we really don't get the full picture. However, it sounds like he's having mood swings, maybe even a bi-polar disorder. You could look into therapy.

I'm only going by what you typed. I also suggest you research what domestic abuse entails and what you can do about it.
From the NDVH:
You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:

* Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you.
* Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.
* Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
* Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.
* Does not want you to work.
* Controls finances or refuses to share money.
* Punishes you by withholding affection.
* Expects you to ask permission.
* Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.
* Humiliates you in any way.

Answer 4

i do not imagine you have to be worried as a lot about whom to take to the marriage as you have to be about your fiance's habit. He refuses to satisfy everybody on your kin till once you're married. it is loopy and thoroughly ridiculous. What reason has he given you for this backward innovations-set? How lengthy have you ever commonplace this guy? Do you fairly have self belief that once you're married this habit will replace? do not assume it. Why are you engaged to someone who refuses to have some thing to do consisting of your kin applications? Ditch the fiance in spite of the marriage. caution BELLS!!!

Answer 5

I feel if he is treating you this way right now when he knows it is easy for you to walk away how will he treated you when you guys are married? If you really love him and he loves you I feel some type of therapy is needed before you make the next step...... marriage. I don't think he has any respect for you by making you cry and then saying he is sorry and then it's your fault he did it?!! that's not right. He needs to know that it really hurts you and some kind of therapy together I feel should be greatly considered.

Answer 6

Wow! That sounds just like my situation. Like he's the greatest guy normally but he can get in these moods where he can say some pretty hateful things and for like the dumbest reason! He actually has something wrong with him though that he has to take medication and that helps alot. I know I didn't really answer your question but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone!!

Answer 7

TRUST ME...it isnt going to get any better..it will elevate. You really need to at least put off the wedding...you need to take some control..he will either leave you for it or earn respect for you!! I understand keeping the family together BUT I am telling you...It will not get better and you and your child will be better off for it. Stand up to him..you will see his true colors.

This is important for you and your child!

Answer 8

Emotional abuse usually escalates to physical abuse. If your fiance is acting in such a manner, you can just imagine what he'll be like ... once he has that second ring on your finger.

If your marriage date is fairly soon, postpone it. Ask your fiance to attend Anger Management classes, then wait a year or so .. to see if he has truly changed.

Answer 9

You're not stupid, only confused! It is great that you have future plans, but the thing here is wheter you want to reach this plans with your BF or not. From what you said, I can tell you're not feeling well with him. Actually, I think you are only used to live with him.

Answer 10

If he is like this now imagine when you guys get married!! He isn't going to change complete so if you are not happy you should just call it quits so that you can get on with your life.