my boyfriend has been engaged before, becasue the girl was pregnant. he says he didn't truly love her, and he loves me completely. my problem is, is that he went out and picked a ring for her and the ring that he iss giving me was his grandmothers ring. he says my ring means more but i can't get it out of my head that he actually went out adn picked a ring out for this pther girl at one time. i feel like i am just getting a ring that he had easy access to. is that really selfish of me? i feel horrible that i have a problem with it and we have discussed it. i want the ring that he wants ot give me but i also want my ring to be as special as the one he has given someone else. help me get past this, please.
2006-12-15 05:00:03 · 19 answers · asked by haleysname 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
thanks, i got a lot of responses really fast. i thik i'm just a jealous person and it's hard for me ot think of him with someone else. he was with her when i met him ( i didn't cause the break-up don't worry) and i just have trouble getting past things. i won't break off the engagement becasue i love him more then words can describe and i do truly think we were meant for each other. part of it is that i brought it up to a friend and she kept pushing my feelings along. i'm glad you are all disagreeing with me. it does mean a lot and thank you.
2006-12-15 05:33:16 · update #1
You know, this may bother you right up until you get married. After that, it will just fall away....
Btw, I'd feel the same way, but in truth, yours means more. There's a reason he didn't want to give her a family heiriloom...
2006-12-15 09:38:38 · answer #1 · answered by chelleedub 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG, you gotta be kidding me! "Easy access"?? Unless he's a completely heartless and unfeeling SOB, the ring he's giving you is worth SO MUCH MORE to him, and is so much more special than any ring he could have gone out to buy! I think, the reason he didn't give this ring to his former fiancé is precisely because he didn't feel strongly about that engagement.
I would be honored and flattered if my significant other presented me with a family heirloom. In fact, if I knew there was a "special" ring in his family that no one else was laying claim to, and he'd gone out to buy a new one for me instead, it would make me go, "hmmmm".
Sounds like your fiancé and you have a completely different idea of what's meaningful. Neither of you is right or wrong, but when the ideas clash so dramatically, there are bound to be problems down the road. It's something to think about before accepting his proposal.
2006-12-15 05:27:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel like you are getting the short end of the stick. My fiance also was kind of engaged before and he was going to go out and buy a ring for this woman (whom he doesn't remember proposing to but was told he did). I in return, did get a store bought engagement ring but I am also getting his grandmother's ring as my wedding band. It's a similar situation, but not exactly like yours. I think the fact that he cares enough about you to give you a family heirloom like that says a lot as opposed to just buying things. Yes, by going out and buying a ring, he should put thought into it. However, if he cares for you enough to pass along a piece of family history, it has a different meaning. It's part of his history that he wants to share with you and show you that you are as important to him as his family. I hope that helps.
2006-12-15 12:57:34 · answer #3 · answered by Kelly S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The ring he is giving you is his Grandmothers, that tells me right there that he REALLY loves you because he is giving you a part of his life. How special that is. Anyone can pick out an engagement ring (and don't get me wrong) it means a lot to them because they picked it out for the person they love. But the ring he wants to give you has an even more special place in his heart and he feels that you are the only person who is special enough to him to have this gift.... You should feel very special and very privileged.
2006-12-15 05:12:17 · answer #4 · answered by coffefrme 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get past it! A ring in the family (most of the time) means soooooooo much more then going out and buying one and giving it to someone. A ring passed down has values of meaning, respect, love, and is worth no amount of money in the world. Other rings can be replaced, but a ring like this can never be! Give him a break....He's telling you that he loves you and really does want to spend his life you! Please dont dwel on a pass life issue, move on with this man, you have him now not her!
2006-12-15 05:13:01 · answer #5 · answered by So you think you know me!? 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The fact that he is giving you a FAMILY HEIRLOOM makes it way more special than ANYTHING and EVERYTHING he has ever bought some chick. Because family is way more important than something he found in a store. YOu do seem jealous. And actually if you are going to continue NOT being able to let go of his past, then he may not want to be with you, dear if you can't accept him and his past. Love him for him.
2006-12-15 07:40:47 · answer #6 · answered by Mimi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that he is giving you his grandmothers ring only means (in my opinion ) that you are the woman he wants to really spend the rest of his life with.
I would accept it with love and honestly feel that his intentions are just that. TRUE LOVE. Grow old together.
Marriage is a lifetime commitment under Gods law and should not have anything to do with material weight but rather the weight of the acceptance of the true commitment. TILL DEATH DO YOU PART.
2006-12-15 05:28:12 · answer #7 · answered by Mrs.Rev.P.Howard B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I think you should rethink things...the family heirloom is pretty huge. But looking at it from his perspective (as a recently engaged man) I would want to make sure you got something that you appreciated. Is there a financial burden that would prevent him from shelling out the dough right now? I guess I wouldn't give the heirloom if I didn't think it was somethign you valued and wanted!
2006-12-15 05:14:27 · answer #8 · answered by Trevor 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I actually see this as that, when he got engaged to her, he didn't think she was special enough to get the grandmother's ring. He went out and got her something generic.
But you, he wants you to have something that means something. Something that will tie you not only to him but to his entire family as well. And it's probably a better diamond.
2006-12-15 05:44:12 · answer #9 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He obviously did not think much of the other girl. He is giving you a family heirloom. To me that says he trusts you and does truly love you. You will find that ring will be worth more than any other piece of jewelry you will own.
2006-12-15 05:05:47 · answer #10 · answered by MusicWoman 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋