What should I do about my boyfriend?

Question

I have been off and on (mostly on) with my boyfriend for almost 5 years. Im 20 and he's 23. I know I honestly love him and he loves me but theres so many things keeping this relationship from working. He lives at home with his mom, and so do I but I cant afford school and a place, he can. His idea of a nice restaurant is Olive Garden. He's never willing to try anything new. He wants to get married and have kids and s do I but I honestly dont think he is dependable enough. He has seriously loser friends who neglect their kids and jobs. I KNOW that if it wasn't for me he would not even have the seriously reliable job he does but I'm always the one pushing him to do something with himself and supporting him. This has taken a serious toll on me and I found it really hard to get up in the mornings since all my energy was focused on him. He never said how nice I looked or what a great job... never even asked how my day was. We have now been broken up for almost a month but its so hard

bc I honestly love him n miss him but he hurts me so much. I know this was really wrong of me but I checked his email one day and found out that he had an adultfriendfinder.com account and he wrote some really nasty things about what he'd like to a girl he would meet on there.... HE'S HAD THE ACCOUNT FOR OVER A YEAR! so I guess he was looking for someone else while we were together.... I asked him and he said he knew nothing about the account but how could he not when he was receiving emails... and in the beginning of our relationship he told me he wasnt a virgin and come to find out he was. he said he lied bc i would judge him and when I asked if I have ever judged him he said no... I have always been open and honest with him. Is he like this bc he's scared to tell the truth or bc he likes to have everything? I just dont know what to do. I love him very much but I dont want to be hurt any more. and if we do call it off for good will the pain really go away? what if hes my one and only

bc I honestly love him n miss him but he hurts me so much. I know this was really wrong of me but I checked his email one day and found out that he had an adultfriendfinder.com account and he wrote some really nasty things about what he'd like to a girl he would meet on there.... HE'S HAD THE ACCOUNT FOR OVER A YEAR! so I guess he was looking for someone else while we were together.... I asked him and he said he knew nothing about the account but how could he not when he was receiving emails... and in the beginning of our relationship he told me he wasnt a virgin and come to find out he was. he said he lied bc i would judge him and when I asked if I have ever judged him he said no... I have always been open and honest with him. Is he like this bc he's scared to tell the truth or bc he likes to have everything? I just dont know what to do. I love him very much but I dont want to be hurt any more. and if we do call it off for good will the pain really go away? what if hes my one and only

Answer 1

Wow! What a tough question.

Here is my advice. A good relationship isn't really that hard to maintain. It seems by your question that you can agree with me on that. While it may be hard to cut the "known" away and venture back into the "unknown" it is probably best at this point. Trust me, you WILL find some who is more compatible to you. BOTH of you should enjoy the same things, work towards a common goal without having to force one another.

When you find that person, you'll know IMMEDIATELY. My wife and I have been together for 27 years (right out of high school) and married for 24 of them.

Good Luck!!!

Answer 2

Relationships take a lot of work, from BOTH people, not just one, and when you have found the right person you know it, you don't doubt it. You sound like there are a lot of things in the relationship that make you unhappy, but didn't mention a lot that makes you happy. If you feel like you are the one doing all the work, or feel like you have to change him he isn't the one. You can't change him, he can only change himself, and if he doesn't feel like anything needs changing then it is time to move on. Don't fall back into a relationship just because it is easy and comfortable, it will never work. I unfortunately have found out the hard way in the past, but when I finally found the right one and look back on the old ones, I often wonder how I could have missed all the signs of a relationship that just wasn't meant to be.

Answer 3

It's hard not having someone around who's ungrateful, has loser friends, isn't curious, thinks Olive Garden's the s***, and who's unmotivated?

Nah, I think you're just finding it hard to be alone. Trust me on this one: stay single for at least a year. You're only 20! Forget about the marriage stuff right now, and meet more people, have fun, travel, and go to some non-Olive Garden restaurants.

Answer 4

Awww. I think you two need to sit down and have a SERIOUS talk. Tell him how u feel,be direct,come strait out and say it. If he wants to be with you then tell him wut u need him to do. Dont make them seem like demands tho,be assertive and dont let him walk all over you. And after your done talking ask him if theres anything he wants you to do as well? So you both can start making small changes and become closer and closer. If he doesnt want to follow through with any of this. He's simply not good enough for YOU! Your better then that and you deserve someone who will attempt to keep a stable relationship

Answer 5

Step back, girlfriend and let him step up.

I find that generally, things get worse.. so if you are having issues now.. they will intensify greatly if you get married.

You cannot change him, either, by the way. Please remember that.

If this is not fun..if he is not bringing good things into your life, if youare not a better person being with him, then you need to move on.

It's ok if he's not the one. There is lots of time, and there certainly are many many fish in the sea. ALL KINDS>

Good luck

Answer 6

I don't think that your relationship will ever be able to go anywhere without this kind of drama. It's something that will stick with both of you and sad to say it won't change. Now, if you are willing to deal with it "forever", then stay with him and see if things will work out. If you are already having an issue with this...well you are not going to be able to change him...

As for my personal opinion, I think that you should give eachother space and you should go out and have fun, like any 20 yr old woman should. Don't get caught up in all of this drama...just have fun and enjoy your youth!

Answer 7

Okay girl this dude is never going to change. trust me and married this person. But we also lead a wonderful life. yes mine is exhausting and i never get any gratitude for it. but i know he loves me and when it comes down to it he does appreciate what i do for him but this is one of those men that doesnt tell you their feelings. So if you can live with that then go be with him. if not well look elsewhere honey cause he aint gonna change. oh and about the kids hes their for them. best wishes and merry christmas

Answer 8

you may love him now but ive been in this situation when i was 18 (now 30) and cut your losses.move on its hard but there is someone who will want the same things as tou in time.go out with your mates get drunk snog as many men as poss,get the unhealthy on off reletionsip a no go place.you want to be stable not messed around/

Answer 9

Have you ever seen Bruce Almighty? Your situation is kinda like that and he'll probably come around sooner or later...In the meantime, go look up someone else!

Answer 10

Dump him, I know it may be difficult but there are many of guys that will treat you much better. As time passes things will become much easier and you will me happier...Good Luck!!