My husband's birth mother divorced from his dad when hubby was 2 years old and only had limited contact with him while growing up. Every year, she has invaded our home over Christmas, just hanging around like a bad smell. I just want a Christmas morning WITHOUT her here and enjoy the morning with my kids...alone! Hubby has no backbone to stand up to her....feels like he should be nice to her since she is his 'birth' mom and she also pulls the guilt card big time when he does try to say no to her scheming. I want to have a holiday that I actually look forward to but instead I'm constantly stressed about babysitting her, feeding her, entertaining her, everything. She's also pushing hubby's half-brother into our faces even though we have no contact with that guy ever. She thinks that just because they're half-brothers, they should be super close though they didn't grow up together. I hate putting hubby in the middle, but it's my home too and I don't want them here.
2006-12-15 04:10:54 · 16 answers · asked by chnchita 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Forgot to say that she's already coming to stay with us on the 19th and 20th.....
2006-12-15 04:22:14 · update #1
What does your husband think? Does he want to see her, get to know her, get to know his half brother? If he does, then you should grin and bear it. (unfortunately or fortunately) When you are married its a partnership and their family often becomes yours.
If he doesn't care or doesn't want to. My suggestion is leave for the holidays. Rent a cabin go somewhere. Break the cycle of her coming to your house.
When she calls to make arrangements, simply say. Bob(DH) and I have decided to go away for the holidays.
That will give you a break, if your husband wants to get to know his bmom and family, my suggestion would be to contact the lady and arrange to trade off on Thanksgiving (a much more begnin holiday.)
There is a lot of hostility and aggression in your question. You husband may be just as stessed wanting to have her there and knowing how much you hate the woman. He may be hesitant to even address it with you, and that being part of the reason he has "no backbone to stand up to her" and takes the passive route.
If you are stuck with this situation this year. My suggestion is to take the responsibility of "babysitting her etc" off your shoulders. You could tell your husband that the stess is too much for you this year and he'll have to take the active roll in entertaining his mother. You will concentrate on the kids. Then smile and enjoy the day.
Don't let your own anger at the situation make the whole day bitter. There are always going to be someone with characteristics you don't like. I'd try to find something you do like about the lady and try and stress the possitive. For your OWN peace of mind.
Good luck
2006-12-15 04:24:08 · answer #1 · answered by dani 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, it IS your home too! If she's already coming for this year's holidays, what about preparing yourself for next year??? Let her know that next year you and your family are going for a short family trip -- just you guys, no biological mother or step-brother involved. Or you may want to get an invitation to someone in your side of the family, something that would make you not take her in and at the same time, give you a break. Oh, another option would be to meet her somewhere in between, a neutral ground.
About your feelings, you don't have to be a hypocrate about it. You can tell her -- without being rude, that you want to spend time alone with your family for a change. I can tell you one thing from my own experience... if mom's not happy, no one is happy -- and I am not talking about your hubb'ys mom, but about you!
2006-12-15 04:36:30 · answer #2 · answered by o302 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear girl, it is a wife"s desire to have her husband only to her and generally the wife sometimes hate the hubby"s family. But think for a while if the story is happening to you and your mother and your step brother or sister comes , and your hubby hates them and treat them like UGLY SMELL. You will smell ugly if they think so. Living alone with husband and kids is not only a family, adjusting others also is called family. When old age people visits your house try to treat them good. IT IS WHAT LORD SAYS TO US, AND IT IS THE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS. Celebrating x-mas alone is a selfish thing when some of your hubby"s relatives especially his mother is visiting you. Kindky change that attitude. and enjoy x-mas with the old lady.
2006-12-15 04:39:42 · answer #3 · answered by cindrella 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't go out of your way to plan her enterainments, don't babysit her, don't make anything out of the ordinary to feed her, just go about your regular life while she is there, be polite, so your kids can see that thats what adults do even under difficult circumstances. But don't go overboard. You are right, he must stand up to her and if he won't you are stuck.
We all have to put up with in-laws or relatives we wish we didn't. Really try to keep the spirit of Christmas alive in your heart and approach her as one human to another, without the overt hostility you obviously feel toward her. Possibly destressing by not treating her like an honored guest, but still guest would help you out with that.
2006-12-15 04:20:35 · answer #4 · answered by justa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If hubby wont put himself in the middle then drag him there. He needs to get that woman under control. If he still acts all wimpy about it, then tell her flat out that your house is closed for the holidays and you dont want some halfsomething hanging around either. Youre his woman and she NEVER was ! Some people you just have to get biotchy with. good luck and happy holidays.
2006-12-15 04:20:26 · answer #5 · answered by cheese food product 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speak up. You can very tactfully explain to the mother in law how you feel. If your husband wants to see his mom suggest that he goes to her house. If this doesn't work plan you family vacation around this time and re locate some where away from mother in law. But under no circumstances don't take your frustration out on your husband. One crazy lady in his life is enough.
2006-12-15 04:47:20 · answer #6 · answered by Nicole S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It looks like they continuously used YOU to make themselves sense good. in the event that they gained some pounds one week a minimum of they'd use you because of the fact the "makes myself sense greater effective" style element. i'm so sorry that they are able to no longer recover from the substitute. i believe that they sense insecure now because of the fact of you and perhaps slightly jealous now. they gets over it quickly adequate. in simple terms enable them to stew in it for a collectively as. If it incredibly bothers you provide them a replica of your contemporary blood artwork and stats from the physician to teach them which you're completely healthful. in simple terms bear in suggestions, back contained in the day (lol), a healthful individual or newborn replaced into one with "some meat on their bones" and individuals that have been skinny or looked at a healthful length or weight have been the single that had an "iron deficiency" or "anemic" or "sickly". i think of your length is suitable and wanted I had your physician and foodstuff plan to help me. additionally, the opt for skill! LOL do in simple terms no longer enable it hardship you. i comprehend it incredibly is greater handy stated than achieved, yet you are the sole guy or woman that has to stay with you 24/7 and that they do no longer. and that i'm with the answerer approximately paying for the naughty nightie, after one among those he won't think of that anymore. LOL advantages and we are very pleased with you!
2016-10-05 08:42:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you do "marry" the family when you marry the man. So you just need to be sweet and deal with it for the holidays. I know it is difficult, though, but believe me--it is probably difficult for your hubby too. So try to support him as much as you can.
2006-12-15 04:18:45 · answer #8 · answered by danika1066 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go along doing what you would do normally. Ignore her! Cook for your kids and fix their plates like normal, get them dressed like normal, run your errands like normal, talk to your husband like normal! Dont show her any special attention. You dont like her, so dont act like you do! Have your husband deal with her and dont be afraid to speak up to her, if she is being disrespectful in ANY way, you need to put your foot down because it is YOUR house! Tell her, if she dont like it, LEAVE! And if your husband throws you the guilt card (I've been there b4) Tell him, he can take her to the airport and dont think twice! Get some backbone girl!
I'll tell her if you dont want to! :-D
2006-12-15 04:36:44 · answer #9 · answered by A.J. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can look at it 4ways. Christmas is only once a year, 1 day to put up with her. or, Go out of town for the holidays, or just tell her that you want to celebrate christmas with your immediate family.
or be honest with her and tell her how you feel, communication is very important
2006-12-15 04:17:52 · answer #10 · answered by Tonya M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋