My mother has always done this weird thing............?

Question

She never tells me when family members or close friends are very ill, hospitalized, or have died. This is craziness, and it has happened on more then one occasion.
Two very good examples-my Great-Aunt died a few years ago. My mother never told me. I read about it in the news paper obituaries after the fact. I didn't attend her memorial or even send flowers because I had no idea she had died. And just today I found out (from my cousin) that my Grandmother has been in the hospital, scheduled for surgery that she may not live through. Still, my mother has not told me AND IT IT HER OWN MOTHER!
There have also been family friends & neighbors who have been ill or died and I have not known about it until after the fact and never from my mother directly. Needless to say it has made for a few awkward moments.
Does anyone out there have a clue as to why my mother behaves this way?

I am an adult in my mid thirties with a family of my own, and I speak to my mother on a semi-daily basis.

I have confronted my mother about this, she gets upset & defensive and gives me lame excuses like " I didn't think you'd care" or "I guess I just forgot"

Answer 1

She may be very uncomfortable talking about illness, death and dying. There are a great many people in the world like this. They somewhat live in a state of denial. They feel if they dont talk about it or acknowledge it, well then it is not happening. I suggest you will have to find another family member who would be willing to reach you in such times to ensure you are given the proper information in a timely manner. Chances are she (mom) is not going to change her attitude. Good luck and God bless****

Answer 2

My parents are the same. My mom had a stroke and I found out 3 days after when my sister called and said she just found out from her neighbors. My dad had heart surgery and my mom did not call me at work because she said she did not want to get me upset. It upset me more that I did not know till 2 days later. People I guess deal with sickness and tragedy differently it is frustrating I know. I made a comment that I would not find out if one of them passed away unless I read it in an obituary. It is not the 1st place I look at in the paper but lately I have caught myself looking. I still don't understand their thinking

Answer 3

I think that the reason why she does that is because she has problems with her own mortaliy. That one day she is going to die, I also think that by not telling you she feels that she is protecting you. If you didn't know this never happened and that you wont feel sad and cry because she doesnt know how to handle the pain herself or how the confort someone else with the lose of someone else. I dont think that it is fair to other people when they know these kind of things and not share even though they think they are doing the right thing I think others should know so you can be there for the person who is sick or dying.

Answer 4

I actually know of a couple of people who have family members that do that. Its seems weird and all I could figure out was that they want to protect the person theyre not telling. Sord of keep them a baby I guess. Youre still her baby even thought youre in your 30's. Have you told her to stop doing it? ( in a nice way of course). Maybe that will help. Or you could enlist some other close relative to give you any health news. good luck.

Answer 5

Sorry i'm no longer a mom, yet i'm mature for my age. before each and every thing, did she do it on her telephone? because if she did it on her cellular telephone, i'd say that per chance they were doing something to his son and he or she had a at the same time as to replace human beings on the challenge at hand. yet when it replaced into on the workstation...that's bizarre, I comprehend updating human beings or relations yet why would you go away your youngster and visit the workstation to get on facebook? Her priorities are tousled if it truly is what she did. in no way go away your ill youngster, they choose help!

Answer 6

Yes I have that plm with my mother too. at that time I wast home wed night. for school tmow morning she got call that night and crying saying that my grandma in coma she has cancer and I was like oh grandma... until sat that weekend she told me that oh let you know that wed she wasn't in coma she died... and she said that she need to go to Wisc. and she never want me to go but I am 18 years old and I very very close to my grandma than my mother.

She lied to me about my S.S.I. How I know why is that I don't have many clothes for me to wear and she have tons and tons. and telling me i have pay rent, food, gas, everything and she not paying any dime only living with my ssi and she works.

She lied to me about my cat. When my cat came with my mom to see me and she gave that cat to me and 10 years i know my cat and I care for.. Guess what I saw my cat thin i mean oh my god and she said ohh he on diet and have pills and I was like oh ok. One day i open the door and hit my cat in the head oh man i was crying and i took him to the vet. and they said need to do blood work guess what.. bad blood, Liver Fail, Kiney Fail, and I told Dr. about Diet Pills that he take and he said there no such thing for animal to have diet pills only by giving them healthy food. I called her and told her She no longer my family.

There more to it and I end it and I had up to here for me to deal with this crap with her. Now since 5 years now it been so peacefully and I always be honest with my 3 and 2 year old childrenof my own and my wife.

She Hearing and I am Hard of hearing going to Deaf school. I am the last person in the whole biggest family. and she said to my wife, "Oh he knows I already told him" You know I though my sister were real sister I found out she my 1/2 sister same other but different dad. I foundo ut that my mom is lisabain, I just found out that my grand father died 1970 one year after I was born, I just found out that cousin died of cancer so is my grandma, I just found out my aunt died few years later, so many crap i am so damn tired.....

I think you should never talk to her and talk to your cousin and aunt and everyone you know to find out becasue you might need to know if you have any illness, cancer, or anything would need to know all this. If your mother not telling, you.. GUess what my dad now started to talk to him and wow everything he do or does we are just the same. I am totally different than my own freaking mother.

But Now I feel that I am not the only person and I thank you for putting it in the question and I hope my answers help.

I do hope you have a great holiday and New year smiling.

Answer 7

She probably doesn't want to upset you. My mother does the same thing -- she thinks I will overreact and cry and be worried. She doesn't want me to stress.

Not telling you about your great-aunt dying is a little extreme though.

Answer 8

U shud accept her explanation for it. She must be feeling that she can handle such situations herself and she does not need ur support and hence she need not inform/bother u.

Answer 9

She doesn't want to have to share you or your attention for her with anyone else.You are probably all she has and don't want to share. Sounds odd but it happens.

Answer 10

A mother is a mother....
mayb she does not want to say anything to u that would hurt you...
mayb she is afraid of, how u r goin to react to it...