Hi, I need help. I'm 14, my mom has a boyfriend that likes my brother (12) and I as much as he likes my mom. He could show better affection towards us in a week than my Dad could in a year. My Dad didn't do anything specifically wrong, but when my mom took me and my brother out of the country, he refused to go live there too because he didn't have a job there. We're not poor, in fact we're almost rich. We could survive even if he was un-employed. I feel as if he really loved me, he would move so we could see him everyday.
Yesterday, I saw him for the first time in two months. I didn't feel any excitement. Now, when I'm together with my mom and her boyfriend, I feel like we're a family. I've never felt this around my Dad. Help?? Similar stories and tips are greatly appreciated.
2006-12-15 03:38:58 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It's OK.
I love my dad very much but my step dad is probably the nicest, "best" person in the world. I was 8 when my mom married him, now 37, so i have 29 years of this question in my head.
You should consider yourself luck! How many kids/adults are in your situation. Many kids hate the "boyfriend"/"step parent".
Your dad is his own person and take him for who he is. As i got older i learned about my dad's childhood and the horrible things he went through. The fact that he was able to stop the cycle at him and not pass it on to his children brought him in to a new light for me and i have a tremendous amount of respect for him now that i didn't have when i was a kid. So hopefully your dad is doing the best he can from where he came from.
I must say it is very perceptive of you to pick up on this and question your own feelings and motivations. Seeking advice and talking about it, wow, you seem fairly impressive. I think you will grow up to be very wise.
2006-12-15 03:52:11 · answer #1 · answered by hogie0101 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am SOOOOO sorry your Mom is putting you through this! HELL NO don't call that JERK Dad! He's not your Dad, not even close! Don't you let him scare you, there is nothing he can do to you. I'd leave as soon as you can find a place to go. By the time anything can be done, you'll be of age! I'd go to your Grandma's house, don't let his threats scare you, I doubt very seriously that he'll just up and move back to Texas and if he does, you can't help it, you need to get out of there! Maybe your Grandparents can talk some sense into your Mom, but since she's so dependant, I doubt it! Get with your Grandparents, they'll help you and then your siblings will have a place to go when they decide to get out! Good luck hun, don't you take anymore of this and I wish you the best! Your Dad's still with you and loves you and wants you to be happy!
2016-03-13 07:17:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's OK. You will always love your Dad. It's OK to love the boyfriend, too. That doesn't take away from your love for your Dad. This boyfriend obviously loves you and your mother, you shouldn't feel ashamed about loving him back.
PS - Ignore crizty, she apparently has a sick mind.
2006-12-15 03:45:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing wrong with feeling that way. We can't really choose our families, and sometimes, we don't even have to LIKE our family members. There is no law that says you have to love someone just because they share blood with you. I believe that actions are what make you love someone. But you should still respect your Dad and keep him in your life. Maybe you don't get along with him right now, but in the future, you could grow to like him more. You're pretty lucky that your mom seems to have picked a really decent guy. You shouldn't have to feel guilty that you like him more than your real Dad.
2006-12-15 03:45:01 · answer #4 · answered by mikah_smiles 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me that you're a bit mad at your dad because he wouldn't up and move to the new country. I'm sure he loves you and wants to be by you, but can you blame him, not having a job or any way to support himself, for not wanting to pick up and move.
You just need to remember that he is your dad and your mom's boyfirend is your friend. It's normal to feel more comfortable with someone who's in your life more consistently than someone who's not.
You also need to be prepared that your mom and her boyfriend might not stay together.
2006-12-15 04:07:00 · answer #5 · answered by parsonsel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every event that goes on in your life with your Dad is because of choices he has made. You can't help the way he behaves or the choices he makes. If your Moms new bf makes you feel like a family and like he cares about you. Accept it, you deserve someone in your life that cares about you as a male parental figure. Just remember not to forget about your Dad and the times you share together, you don't have to choose you can have them both in your life. Maybe there's more to why he didn't move with you guys, whatever the reason just remember that it's not your fault. Parents split up because something is going right with them together, not because of you. My advice is to keep both close to your heart and remember that one is not replacing the other, they're both equally important to you.
2006-12-15 03:49:23 · answer #6 · answered by liz04ca 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont feel bad about your feelings. I am a lot closer to my step dad than my real dad. Shoot my step dad is one of my best friends. I can tell him anything. There is nothing wrong with having more than one parent. The more the merrier. I have 3 dads not counting in laws. Just be happy and enjoy the love you DO have in your life.
2006-12-15 03:45:04 · answer #7 · answered by bb77blueeyes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about it...
Your dad is still your dad and will always be you dad...
You can love & like anyone you wish...
2006-12-15 03:41:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
U can still love ur dad and have a personal relationship (not like ur mom and and the boyfriend.) but u can still be close to him.Also if he is like anything like my moms boyfriend, he will be less affectionate more into the relationship and show his true colors. Just warning u.
2006-12-15 03:44:30 · answer #9 · answered by roxysurfer13194 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't blame yourself... Everyone expresses their feelings different... Maybe your Dad is very reserved... Deep inside he really loves both your brother and you... He just may have a hard time expressing it the way you would like... Your Moms boyfriend probably is a lot more open with his feelings and can express them outwardly better... That may be what attracted your Mom to him... It's nothing you or your brother have done wrong that makes your Dad appear as he does... accept that ,and accept him for the way he is... You could suggest he move closer so you all could spend more time with him... Tell him it is really important to both you and your brother... and tell him "I love you" a lot and always look him in the eye like you expect a reply... He'll get the message and respond... and alway hug and kiss him "hello" and "goodbye"... He'll get that message also... It may help to open him up more... Don't wait for him to do these things on his own because it will probably never happen... be proactive and he'll learn to show his caring and love... also don't feel guilty about feeling good around your Moms boyfriend... We all deserve to be happy and if this brings you happiness... accept it... it doesn't mean you love your Dad any less... Good luck...
2006-12-15 03:53:33 · answer #10 · answered by deakjone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋