Did having a baby improve or hinder your marriage?

Question

Been married 5 years and am thinking of having a baby in the next year or so. Both my husband and I are very happy and ready, but I have a feeling that I will be doing all the "baby work" on my own, which will piss me off and might cause me to resent my husband since it's likely that he will be working full time.

Any advice on how to prepare for something like this?

Answer 1

Having my son has only brought us closer! We love being parents and sharing all the roles of parenthood. Being a mommy is the best feeling ever!!!

And you never know until you have one how your spouse will be. Mine had never been around children and even told me I would probably have to do everything because he wouldn't know anything. Pfft..he was wrong! I had a C-section and he took care of our son in the first few days of his life because i was sore and sick (lost a lot of blood). Anyway it didn't stop when we got home. He helps out whenever he can and loves spending time with our son.

I hope you have the same experience I had.

Answer 2

If he's working full time he cant be there for all the baby work. Your mom, its your job to be mom, and that is a full time job.

WHen he gets home you two will share the responsibility as best you can..

These are things every married couple with kids has to hash out.

Chances are you'll rather do most of the baby work, since you'll find you're better suited for it, and he just sucks as bathing and changing a child. But he certainly should be willing and able to help none the less.

These are fears you HAVE to address now with your husband, not in the heat of the moment whent he baby is there.

Answer 3

If you can accept he will be working ful time , and you seem to be in a good relationship, then is up to you , a baby is more of a mother thing ,than it is mans, is in your belly for 9 months, it nourishes from you , it knows you, in a spiritual sense of the knows, in a way you need to feel good , you have a husband , and you say he is ready , so I dont see the reason you would feel piss-off, on the contrary , you are one lucky woman. You and him can do things together or sign up for a class on birthing that is a day when he is off the job, there are many things you can work out , but the main question is; do you and him really WANT the baby? Everything else comes second. Hugs.

Answer 4

My husband could not cope/bond with our baby, and left after 3 months. So, even though I did not expect it, I am doing absolutely all the work, especially as his dad is not interested in visiting him. Hard work? Sometimes, although I don't really think of that. Worth it? 100%! If I knew what was going to happen before having my boy, I'd have been so scared!! But as it is, my life has never been better, and I'd gladly do it again. The love for your baby overshadow any resentment you might feel about the work involved. And at least your husband does feel positive about it. Don't worry, it will be worth it.

Answer 5

Having a baby in the family is both husband and wife's decision. Some people want to have a baby to make their family complete. Some wants a baby for them to attend children's birthday party and attend P.T.A meetings to socialized with the other parents. If you really want to have a baby make sure it is in the right time and it is the decision of both parties. Don't pretend you like to have a baby just to please or to satisfy the needs of your partner. Raising a baby needs a complete cooperation from the both parties it doesn't have to be the mother does all the babysitting, a huge cooperation, time, extra love from a father is also needed. "Patience is a virtue," they say, which is really true, once you see your baby grow to be a good kid you always wanted to be... you will not be thinking of your sacrifices. That grimacing look on your face while changing dirty diapers will fade and turn into laughters, and when that time comes then you can say..."i'm the proud mother of that kid!"

Answer 6

Your feeling is most likely accurate. There's no way to really prepare for it.

There is another aspect that you didn't touch on here that you may or may not have considered--which is that children are a big responsibility and in my experience being with someone (spouse) has a level of responsibilty that doesn't even compare with that of being a parent.

My ex husband loved me, loved spending time with me, could barely stand to be away from me until we had a child and then he would barely come home. Parenting is a lot of work and may also cause him to dread coming home.

Everything just needs to be faced head on and talked about!

Good luck.

Answer 7

In my previous marriage having a baby was not a positive.
Now I am married again and the baby is a great miracle to both of us. I do all the housework and get up in the night. He gets up on the weekends and lets me sleep in on Sundays. I am able to stay home and attend college. It is a blessing to be able to be supported in being a full-time mother. He doesn't want me to work so I can take care of the baby. Sometimes it really stinks doing all the cleaning but it's worth it to be able to stay home. I would be doing it if I worked so I will take staying home.
If you are able to stay home, go for it! You will know what your baby is doing and not have to worry about her being abused.

Answer 8

i would say that having a new baby puts enormous strain on a relationship.thats not to say babies arent lovely,but they are hard work,and your relationship will take a back seat for the first six months i would say.
if your relationship is strong it will change,adapt and grow ,if it is not the cracks will show.be sure of what you want before you bring children into the equation ,as its hard being a single mum beleive me.
with regards to the `baby work`,i would say that it needs to be throughly discussed before you start trying ,as you are right you will resent him if he does nothing.however that said he will be at work all day providing for his family so you cant knock him for that.i would suggest that you go back to work part-time after the babies born to stop you feeling your missing out.or failing that take up a hobby that is totally separate from your family life.
i think the only way to prepare would be to read baby books,babysit friend/familys children,ask them about the parts of parenthood nobody talks about,and above really talk with ur husband to make sure its what you want because if im honest you dont sound like it is.
good luck :)

Answer 9

Having a baby does put a strain on your relationship to start, if you have an understanding husband everything should be fine. My husband works full time and I am home with the two children, but when he was home he did his fair share, feeding during the night, nappy changing, bathing the baby together etc.( when he is home take it in turns to feed/nappy change you do one he does the next and so on)

Answer 10

Well I can say your thinking is absolutely right on your doing all the "baby stuff". My husband and I were very excited about both of our kids and I did EVERYTHING!! Even when they were bottle fed I had a 24hrs shift the next day he would not get up with the baby and feed it so I could sleep. He layed there and pretended like he did not hear a thing! Unfortunately I hear this from tons of females I know.... I hope you have much better luck !