how can i get through this harrowing grief of losing a much loved family member?

Answer 1

My sister died very suddenly of a rare form of leukemia in 1988. She was healthy on Friday, May 13 and gone on Thursday, May 19. The shock of her death was so massive to me that I was a basketcase for nearly three and a half years. We were very close from our earliest days. She would rock my cradle and give me my bottle when I was just an infant. We were the best of friends.

I survived her death in the only way I knew how. I visited her grave three or four times a week, prayed to God at her graveside for her eternal salvation in Heaven and kept her memory alive in my heart until one day, I didn't feel the pain so much anymore. I knew she had made a transition. I knew I had made one myself. It's been almost 20 years now since she died. I have not "gotten over" her death, but I have learned to live with it. I still miss her very dearly. I think about her every day. I wish her all the happiness she could have, wherever she is. I know I will see her again someday.

The key is to come to grips with the death of your loved one and not to put an end to your own life, but to keep on living for your departed. Live each day in his honor. Keep him in your heart and mind. Do not let him die under the pressures of everyday life. Visit the cemetery frequently if you can, if just for a moment. Include him in your prayers. In time, you will feel able to let him go but he will always be with you in spirit. This is how I feel about my sister. I believe she has gone to a better place, yet I still have her with me. Only if I let her die because I have stopped remembering her, will she truly be gone from me. I keep her memory alive and I feel she is still alive and still a part of my life.

Answer 2

I know that right now it feels as though you will never be able to cope with this immense grief that you are feeling. You may even be feeling a little angry at the person who died for leaving you behind. I lost my dad in 2001 to cancer when i was just 17 and it was the most traumatic thing that i have ever had to deal with in my life. I almost thing that i was in denial about it cause i never really accepted that he was going to die. I was there when he passed away and i will never forget it. But now nearly six years on the pain has eased a bit and although i do still have bad times when i want to do is kick and scream at people and say " hey do you not know what i have been through" mostly you just have to get on with living your own life and remember that the person who died would not want you to live your life mourning them. There is no time limit on grief and i think that you will only get through this by telling yourself that the person loved you very much and will always be with you in spirit.

Answer 3

I am so sorry for your loss. I too have lost a 5 day old niece and my grandmother within 2 weeks of each other this summer. I have tried the "be strong for the family" because I am the oldest sister and the oldest grandchild. I have found myself trying to hold back all of my emotions. It was beginning to become unbearable, esp. because of the holidays. I have found that it really helps me to let it all out. Even if it means screaming or throwing something. I have slowly been able to accept my loss and am having an easier time of dealing with my feelings. I have actually stopped crying at every sound, smell, sight or thought reminding of those who I have lost. I can't say it still doesn't hurt, but I seem to be getting through the day a little easier. And when I need to, I just call my mom, sister, husband or whoever will listen to me blubber for a little while. I hope this helps you. God Bless

Answer 4

It'll take a long time,but as they say `time is a great healer`.Best thing to do,don't bottle up your feelings,if you feel like crying,do it.Crying really does help to ease the pain a little.
Think of that family member in a positive way,think of how they used to be,not how they were when they passed away.
Keeping the good memories alive will help as well.
It may sound stupid and daft,but talk to them as though they are in the same room as you,you may get some funny looks and weird comments,but if this helps you to get over your grief,do it.
I always say good morning to my nan's photo,She passed away February this year,and I've found this helps as well.

Answer 5

You have to be very good to yourself and allow yourself time to grieve. Everyone does it differently. The important thing for me after my husband died was to keep moving forward. Some days, I felt like I was only moving about an inch. Other days, I was taking giant steps. Do not allow yourself to become "stuck" or to start going backwards. As long as you keep moving you'll find yourself in a much easier place. It does get better, and the sense of "unreality" does diminish.

Answer 6

No time nor person can tell you that things will heal, the pain will become less, or things will be fine, its you that is feeling this greif, time will heal that broken heart, its your greif, no matter how long it takes, you will never get over losing such a loved one. the pain will cease but it will always remain. remember the good times with this person, the happy smiles the person he/she was, look at it as is there have taken a ride before you, and you will meet them there one day, there have just gone forward to make arrangements for your arrival.

Answer 7

You never get over the loss of a loved one, but you will learn to cope with your grief in time. My best wishes to you, sorry for your grief

Answer 8

depending on what grief you are feeling you could speak to CRUSE bereavment counsellors to come to terms with the loss. It is good to talk to people who are not close to you or who will judge you for what you say. Relate can signpost you aswell. If it due to cancer speak to Marie Curie as they provide an excellent service for people. If none of these phone the samaritans as they will have a list of counselling services within your area.
All the best, RichardS.

Answer 9

Sorry for your loss.
It helps to talk to people as often as you can, go for long walks, eat healthy food so you keep your strength, cry and laugh. Yes, laugh, it is not a sin, and watching a funny movie or drinking a bit too much with some friends, actually helps. A priest gave this "laughing" advice to a friend that lost his mother, and laughing helped him be a bit more relaxed.

Answer 10

Time is the healer, though the grief can linger on. Keep yourself occupied, and remember the good times that you had. Be emotional when you need to be as it really does help to let it out.