What is a good way to put a competitive mommy friend in her place?

Question

We are a group of 4 moms who all had babies within 2 weeks of each other. 3 of us are not competitive - we compare babies, but only to look at milestones, etc. There is no competitive vibe whatsoever. We are all proud of our own kids but we dont feel the need to make our kid look "the best", the fastest, the smartest, etc. However the 4th lady is SO competitive about everything, even to the point of lying about her kid, eamiling rather "in your face" videos of her kid doing things, being blatent about comparing our children, etc. The other 3 of us have avoided her, and started to not include her at all, we still have to see her every once in while. I feel like "it's on, *****!!!" even though I am not competitive. She brings it out of me. Anwyay - what are some clever ways to dig at her when she is being like that? PS - our kids are only a few months old! It's sick!!!

Answer 1

My stepmothers sister is the samy way. Her baby was premature and had a hole in is heart, his heart was on the wrong side of his chest too. He had a lot of problems and i get that she is so proud that he made it and is smart but he is almost 15 months older than my son. Her whole family will say stupid things like why isn't eli talking yet, blake started talking months ago. I'm like duh look at the age difference. With your babies being so close in age I would buy her a book for christmas that explains how different babies progress in different ways. If she doesn't get the hint tell her outright that her behavior is rude and implying that her baby is better than yours is the same as saying that she is better than you. This baby that is soo much better than mine has been spoiled to the point he doesn't listen to anybody. The last time we visited he kept hitting my kids so be patient sooner or later she will get embarrased and changed her ways I hope for his sake.

Answer 2

I had a "friend" who did that... and to be honest.. I haven't seen her since! I don't want my kid raised around a parent who's like that cuz it's the same way with the kids... that child will pick up on the behaviors big time!

Let her know blatently ... just like she's done with you that you guys don't accept that type of behavior as it's very childish and feel that your children are better off without her or her new baby... maybe she'll lighten up.. if not, be on your way... in my humble opinion

Answer 3

Hmmm, hard to say. It seems like this happens a lot with new mothers, and unfortunately it doesn't sound like ignoring her is really working. I think I would just very sweetly, everytime she says something about her baby doing something, "well, we don't feel the need to compete with each other over children because we feel it's petty and childish. And of course, our children are perfect no matter when they do certain things." If that doesn't shut her up, the only other suggestions I have would probably end you up in jail.

Answer 4

Don't compete. I know it's hard, but its no fun for her if don't acknowledge her competitiveness. I can be a very competitive person and nothing irks me more when someone doesn't acknowledge that I've won. I would answer all her boasts with one word, like "oh" and "really". Maybe add a slight tone of concern to your voice and the head tilt to make her think about what she is saying. All kids are amazing and none is better than your own.

Answer 5

Well, don't rise up to it...I'd ignore it. If it bothers you that much, you don't *have* to see her every once in a while, it's a choice you make.

All in all, even comparing milestones will encourage this lady. I would consider dropping all of the discussion about who did what when, and talk about grownup stuff like politics or religion. It's not as offensive. ;-)

Answer 6

its not about you and her, its about your kids. Stop letting her get to you. You dont need to subject your child to this sort of nonsense, if you allow yourself to do it now when triggered, you'll do it later when the child is more aware of whats happening. That sort of treatment and flaunting will harm your childs emotional growth and self confidence.

This sort of thing doesnt build confidence, it builds of a false pride and fear of rejection, which is the opposite of confidence. and that is NOT what you want for your child.

Just call this lady out. Poor behavior really cannot go on when its exposed.

Tell this woman you know she's afraid others will not find her baby as amazing as she does, and that you're aware that she's trying to shame all the other mothers for their childs rate of development so that she can feel more secure about her child. Let her know you're equally as proud of her child, but that you're not going to be part of stripping it of its self confidence as it grows by parading it around like a circus animal.

Dont be mean, you're not teaching her a lesson. you're just exposing what she thinks she's getting away with. And this ONLY works if you tell her with others around her while she's doing it. You cant just shoot off an email and expect it to have any impact.

Dont picka fight, just let her know that you know what she's doing, you see it for what it is, and you wont be part of it.

And then get over it yourself. You dont need to some how compete with your child, or measure your child up to other children. its not about you and how you feel about other parents, its about your child and how you're protecting them in their own personal rate of growth, uneffected by how other mothers push your buttons.

Answer 7

This is what I would do, tell her you dont like it at all. She shoulddn tbe tryign to make her kid look the best remind her you cant be the best at everything and her kidd is fine she ddoesnt have to strech the truth.

Answer 8

Stop associating with her. She needs someone to gloat to in order to make herself feel better. if you and your friends totally ignore her, she will wig out. Thats probably the worst thing you can do to her. Any other behavior, and she will just get more aggressive.

Answer 9

I'm a true blue southerner,and Sarahsmam is right LOL.We do say "bless your heart" a lot..works every time, here in the south that is.

Answer 10

So you're going to stoop to the level of infancy in order to "put her in her place"? What sort of an example of a parent as well as tolerance are you showing your children?