My step kids?

Question

My wife and I have know each other for 4 years . We got marriied 1 ago. When we met, she had 3 kids.They are now 10,9 and 8. The step-kids were calling me by my first name, I am not comfortable with this, but I let it go on for a while. Now I've expressed that I don't want them to call me by my first name and she doesn't agree. She says that if they call me by my first name, She say give then time. Any suggestions? Also......their father does not play any role in their lives since they've been born.

Answer 1

Do you want them to call you DAD? or just uncomfortable with being call by first name? i would let them decide when they are comfortable calling you Dad. Thats a big deal to them since they really haven't had a Dad before you . i would give it some time and maybe they will come around but they may NEVER feel comfortable calling you that. maybe you can come up with an alternative "nickname" like PoPs or something to that affect. or the kids might think you DON'T want to be called Dad. Talk to them and let them know that it is okay to call you that if they WANT TO. Totally up to them.

Answer 2

You may not be the Biological Father to these children, but you are the Dad of the house, and you're wife is the Mom of the house.
I know that kids don't have any problem calling their friends mothers "Mom," so there should be no problem you being the Dad in your own house beings you are married to a wife and between the two of you there are three kids!
You do not have to be a Father in order to be a Dad.

Answer 3

Okay not clear if you are wanting to be called "Dad" or "Mr.", in any case it should be left up to the child. If you are wanting to be called Mr. then that is forcing respect and is not showing the children that you respect them. If you are wanting to be called Dad, then that will be up to them when they are ready. They may be holding out for their father to appear in their lives, although realisticly you know that will not happen. It doesn't mean they don't love you, but are just wanting to feel comfortable with calling you Dad. They may never feel comfortable, since you are not their bio father, but that doesn't mean they don't view you as a father. Good Luck!

Answer 4

well just because they will call you your name does not mean they love you any less. i call my real dad his first name, if i called my step dad, dad i'm sure it would crush him. You just need to get over it. You said you let it go for awhile, let it go for a lot longer is all i gotta say. You can't expect children at that age to just up and change and call you dad. no matter how long you and their mother have been together or how much of a part their dad doesn't play in their lives.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

I understand where you are coming from,I have 3 kids whom I did not give birth to,They were small when my husband and I got married,So they started calling me Momma all on their own.They live with us all the time.You wanting them to call you dad means you truly do love them and accept them as your own and I think that is great,I would talk to your wife more about this and let her know how strong you feel about it.And make sure she knows you aren't trying to take the place of their real dad but you do want your relationship with them to grow.Then I would talk with the kids and let them know how much they mean to you and that you would love it if they would call you dad.If they don't want to don't push it,As long as they know how you feel,and know it's OK then maybe they will feel more comfortable with it.Good luck.

Answer 6

Accept your step children for who they are. When I was a teenager, I called my step mom by her first name. Now that I am an adult and my daughter is 19, I call my step mom, Momz, Mother, and still by her first name.
It's about the respect that the children have for you. They know that you provide for them, they know that you have their back. Don't force them to do something that they are not comfortable with yet. Pray about it and let it go. If it is meant to be, it will happen naturally.

Answer 7

well you aren't their dad and you came into their lives when they were old enough to realize this. if you don't want them to call you by your first name then come up with a kid friendly nickname for your role in their lives. Dad is a special name, you may even deserve it, but it really needs to be about what they're comfortable with.

Answer 8

Hey Pooh Bear! You know it is not what they call you that matters. We used to call Edwin (Shannon's dad) by his name for the longest. Then we asked if it were ok to call him dad and he was cool with that. When he left Marsha it went back to calling him Edwin, but in my heart he is the only father figure I've had so he still holds the place of dad in my heart even though I call him Edwin.

Just love them like you did with Bronson, Malcolm and Teya and do your best no matter what and remember it is not what they do that determine your worth and value but it is what your intentions are in your words and actions that determine your worth and value. Know and trust yourself no matter what and God will do all the rest!

Answer 9

It has to be the child choice to call you something else. If you try to force it then the children will resent you.

My stepdaughter calls me Karen but when she gets real upset or on Mother's days she calls me Mom her choice. I've been in her life now 8 yrs

Answer 10

i understand what you mean
i have three small children and they don't know their dad because it's best for them if they stay away from hi and his crap. But i am dating a man and have been since my youngest was born bout 2 years and my daughter who is 8 says that she doesn't know what to call him. i told her whatever she' comfortable with my younest who is 2yr old boy and a three year old girl they call him daddy but my oldest still remembers and knows of her father.

i think you should give them time
does it matter if you call a bird a bird it knows it's a bird.