my boyfriend has just proposed to me. I have a daughter out of wed-lock. Do I tell him about it now or after our wedding?
2006-12-15 01:05:39 · 62 answers · asked by ELLA J 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
where are you keeping her? in a cupboard?
2006-12-15 01:07:44 · answer #1 · answered by Ruthie Baby 6 · 9⤊ 0⤋
How about when you first met? If the shoe was on the other foot would you appreciate him springing a surprise child on you after the fact? What does that say about your relationship? If you start out keeping things from him now what's going to happen further down the line?
Don't you think he and your daughter should have had a chance to get to know each other? Your talking about, hopefully, a lifetime committment here. They will be sharing the same household. Suppose he doesn't like children? What if your daughter doesn't like him?
Don't waste another second. Tell that man about your daughter immediately if not sooner. Have a good answer ready when he demands to know why you didn't say something sooner. Good luck to you.
2006-12-15 01:15:11 · answer #2 · answered by Arleen J 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you definitely should have told him before you said yes to his proposal. I don't want to sound mean, but don't you think people should get to know eachother first before they agree to get married?!
Anyway, you need to have a talk with him about your daughter sitaution BEFORE your wedding. Don't blurt it out! Sit down with him and say you have something important to tell him that may affect your life. Don't sound too serious but don't make a joke out of it. Ask him what he thinks about having a kid?! And then try to let him know that he'd have a step-daughter if you guys got married.
Your fiance might not like the idea of having a step-daughter. He also might be mad because you have kept this huge secret from him. So be aware that this MIGHT end your relationship! I am not saying that it will. You just need to consider that it MIGHT be the end of it.
I hope this helps you with your situation and good luck and congratulations on your engagement!
2006-12-15 01:48:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why didn't you tell him the first time you met? Not good to be decieving anyone, there is nothing to be ashamed about and that is what you did by hiding it. Be up front and honest, you cannot zing this on him after you tie the knot, that's really dishonest, how would you feel if he kept something important from you. Don't base a relationship on lies...it will never work, be up front and honest and if he cannot deal with it , then move on there are a lot of wonderful guys out there that are mature enough to handle anything that comes their way if they truly love the person. Luck to you, and Congratulation's on your Engagement.
2006-12-15 01:39:20 · answer #4 · answered by MiMi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you tell him now. Your daughter is apart of you, you cannot be ashamed of your child. You should always speak of your child, that isn't something that you keep secretive. I have two children out of wed-lock and it isn't anyone who knows me that doesn't know that I have children. I always talk about them. If he can't accept your daughter than that is on him, I wouldn't go along with the marriage. If anything he might not marry you because you left an important part of your life out. He would probably be okay with your child,it only depends on the type of man he is. Good luck.
2006-12-15 01:12:40 · answer #5 · answered by lhpretty 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should have told him already!
But since you didn't, you should tell him right away. Be aware that he will be upset that you didn't tell him sooner, even if he doesn't mind that you have a child. Also, why did you conceal it, and even consider marrying him without telling him? Is it because you are afraid of his reaction or because you feel ashamed about it?
If you thought that he might have a negative reaction to you being a mother, then you probably have no business marrying him. Being a mother is part of who you are and it shout be your most important role and responsibility. It is something to be proud of, not ashamed and certainly not hidden. Also marriage is a really big decision and it is very unfair to your fiancee to go into this commitment without knowing a big part of who you are.
2006-12-15 01:38:49 · answer #6 · answered by marij 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you were dating.
2006-12-15 02:16:14 · answer #7 · answered by fortillfriday 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really hope you are just trolling.
If not...
Are you ashamed you have a child? This is just sad, you should have told him before date #5, hell you should have told him on the FIRST date!
How old are you and how old is your daughter? How long have you two been dating before he proposed?
This is NOT something that you should have taken this lightly, its not like "oh hon I didn't tell you, but I'm really 33, not 32".
What else have you lied to him about? Or just not told him about?
You better tell him NOW, and hope he forgives you.
wow.
2006-12-16 10:35:50 · answer #8 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ummm, you should have told him when you were dating. How can you be engaged to someone when you don't fully know each other.... I think you def, need to tell him before the wedding.. He may be upset and not want to get married and that shouldn't be your choice, what would you rather have a break up or divorce? Be honest with him and tell him right away... today... Com'on lady..... !!!!
2006-12-15 03:49:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should have told him long before now. Tell him no because there is something you need to talk to him about. Then let him propose again with all the facts.
2006-12-15 01:49:34 · answer #10 · answered by JB 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you must have pretty serious reasons to hide something as huge as that. He is going to be shocked, and wonder why you have not told him before now. But it's not something you can hide forever, because if you do not already have regular contact with your daughter, one day she may turn up on your doorstep having tracked you down, and that will just be even worse. Tell him as soon as you see him today, sit him down and explain why you have not told him, and I think it better be a pretty good explanation!
2006-12-15 01:38:53 · answer #11 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋