I was bullied badly in school?

Question

I left school 8 years ago but i am still haunted by the bullying i got while there. I have been to counselling, which helped a bit. but every time i think about these people i always think about injuring them badly.

I have a new boyfrend who has said that he will hit them if i point them out to him, but i dont want to get him involved.

All I want off these bullies (who i only see now and again) is an apology or to at least acknowledge that what they did was wrong, but every time i have questioned them theyalways deny doing anything to me. I know i should be over this by now, but i cant. HELP! (Im 25)

Answer 1

Hello,

Being bullied is no joke!! it has huge longer term effects as you already know and have spoken of. The problem here is that this issue wont go away or should I say it keeps coming back at you, precisely because you havent sorted it out inside yourself.

* Its unfinished business emotionally or psychologically speaking and you do need to deal with this, otherwise yes! its going to keep haunting you.

*No! dont ask your boyfriend to become involved, that's Not fair on him as its your issue NOT his. Lets be clear about that!!.

*DONT ask others to fight your own battles, it wont help you anyay, so bear that in mind.

*Dont expect the bullies to understand your problem with them, yes! as they are the bullies, but they probably wont even know what your talking about?. Bullying is often normal behaviour for a bully, they are NOT fully aware of the damage they are causing.

*I suspect most bullies where themsleves bullied at some point in the past, its learnt behaviour in one shape or form.

*If it seems appropriate then go back to your counsellor or therapist and work some more on the feelings & issues involved here. How you can stand up for yourself, what words you might need to use, let the feelings come up and let them out if possible. If you can deal with your feelings then self confidence & self esteem repair themselves naturally.

*Of course bullying ISNT just about being bullied its about how we draw boundaries, how we stop the behaviour we dont like before it gets out of hand or before it becomes damaging to us or to others.

**NOP!! sticks & stones might not brake my bones, but words certainly can be used just like any blade or dagger. Words can & do hurt, so never under estimate the power you have in your own words & in your own voice. Especially if those words are your truth!! Use your words & voice to protect yourself against the bully thats probably your best protection against them, thats how we can stand up for ourselves?

PS: I was badly bullied my self & I still carry the scars today and I'm 47yrs old. Its still hurts even now.

Best Regards IR

Answer 2

I was bullied at school too. I'm still seeing a doctor and I'm 24. Although I have problems, I think I've actually got past the anger.
I did this through understanding the bullies motivation/s for bullying me and moving away (I found it difficult to move on with my life when I still saw them around all the time, especially as my younger sister is friends with some of them still).

I now live over 200 miles away and have met the most amasing boyfriend. I still find it difficult to trust people, so only have a few close friends and my problems effect my relationship quite often too.

I think getting over something like that is a personal thing and it effects everyone differently. I was really angery, but I was also showing signs of OCD and becoming a recluse and that made me angery too. I tackled each symptom bit by bit and the anger helped because it made me more determined.

Don't expect an apology either. When I visit my parents, the bullies either look at the floor or pretend to be my best mate. Not one of them has apologised and any that have mentioned what happened at school act like it wasn't so bad and treat it like it was "a bit of fun".

Answer 3

You need to forgive them. Whether they apologize or not isn't the issue. It would be great if they would come to you and say how sorry they are, but it isn't likely. So, you are being bullied still. They still have influence over you. Forgiving them doesn't mean you excuse their behavior or think it was right. Forgiving means you no longer hold it against them and you are moving on. It is the right thing to do & the healthy thing to do.
I know it is easier said then done, but I would recommend you do it. Write a letter, tell your boyfriend, tell the Lord. Take some type of actual verbal step to say this is done, "I have forgive them and moved on". If those feelings come up again reaffirm the reality that you have forgiven and it is in the past.
Sorry your dealing with this, I hope you find peace soon.

Answer 4

Have you spoken to you GP about the possibility of post-traumatic stress disorder?

I know how you want closure, and some sort of acknowledgement that what happened wasn't fair, but I don't think you will get this from the bullies - they cannot see what they did wrong or they wouldn't have done it in the first place.

Dealing with the feelings that are left over after something as horrible as bullying is very hard - and talking about it can be painful. As you still have unresolved feelings, I think you need to get back in to conselling, you need help to let the past rest and move forward with your life.

I hope I don't come across as flippant, as a victim of bullying myself I can understand your feelings, and sometimes it does feel like a hopeless journey back to selfconfidence and self accetpance, but keep fighting on, keep going, and keep talking.

Best wishes x

Answer 5

I think you might need more counseling, talking about it will help get out your feelings in a professional way. Don't have your boyfriend hit anyone he can get charged with assult. You are 25, and you don't have to go back to highschool anymore. Just remember you are better of a person and a stronger person to have lived through it. Move on with your life and with your boyfriend..if you really feel you can't handle this, maybe move, then you won't have to see all the people you graduated with!

If they say sorry to you, I know it will feel better but you can't change the past and it still happened so try and move on from it. Have hope for tomorrow.

Answer 6

1.somtime bullys dont realise they are bulling somone (i know its strange but it is often true)
2..somtime bullies have issues of their own and taken it out on you(it doesnt give them the right to but explains why some do it) and 3. some people do it is "mob mantality" if it is a group all it take's is one action from somone to set them off acting without thinking ( this is the worst form of bulling)

they wont except what they've done its because.
1. they are ashamed to admite it.
2. are denieing all responabilty to keep their cononce clear.
3. dont have a clue that they have hurt you (they may have seen it as playful banter) they are fools if they think this way.

ive been bullied before and also got the same respones.
im now a lot older and know it was them that was at fault.
ive also meet these people, often they have changed and forgotten what they have done. It did make me angrey but i realised life is too short to live it the past.
for me ive learnth from my experaces and used it for my work and help other's in simmler situation (i know a little boy and his sister which are being bullied and often because of my experance they feel better talking to me as i know how they feel and i feel because i can get them to talk about it will be easer help them.
but sorry i guess this my be a little off point, I know you want answers but I'm afraid they wont give it to you.
its best to move on and finding a way of dealing and understanding what they have done to you.
i know its probally not the answer you wanted to hear but for me its the truth of what ive learnth

Answer 7

I know this is easier said than done, but you need to put all of this bulls**t behind you and go on with your life. No one ever got anywhere living in the past and the fact that you were bullied should not put you in a frame of mind to fear these people. They are the same age you are and have more than likely grown out of mistreating others. You need to grown beyond them and move on. My dad always preached to my three siblings and I that "you should consider the source first" then worry about everything else. I have done this all of my life and I have gotten out of some real problems in doing so. I am not trying to be mean, but you need to deal with you and stop worrying about what others may think or do, at least until they do it. Good luck.

Answer 8

I was to bullied at school from 8 yrs to 17.
I am now 38 nearly 39 and I have just seen one of the bullies literally an hour before I read your question.
I do not want an apology off them-I am the same as your boyfriend I want to hit them. And with my mood swings I would go further (literally) and I do want to put them in hospital.
I mentioned this to a shrink some years ago and they told me to 'forget it'
and move on.

But that is all very well them sitting in their armchairs just brushing off your comments.
For me I will never get over this and will even hold this against the bullies till I am on my death bed.
I am sorry but you may never get over this-I hope you do. I never will.

My very best regards to you and best of luck with the problem.

Walter

Answer 9

I left school at the finish of my Jr. year I simply didn't go back for the senior year because I couldn't put up with it another day! I went back to get my G.E.D. when I was 30 years old and I was afraid that I might see some of those kids there in the Jr. college and that it would all start up again. It didn't Thank God! That old saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me!" Is sooooooooo wrong! Words cut deeper than any knife ever could. Please get back into counseling!Good luck!

Answer 10

I along with many others was bullied at school, particularly by one girl who made my life hell. I used to run out of school and skive off but that just got me into trouble! I havnt let it affect my life though theres too much other stuff to worry about. You are obviously never going to get an appology from these people and your boyfriend getting involved will only get him into trouble, which i am sure you don't want. You have to try to forget that these people ever existed and if you see them just ignore them otherwise this will continue eating away at you and upsetting you even more, then they will keep winning. You can get over this, I know you can. Don't let other people rule your life.