Is it OK to hold my baby a lot during the day?

Question

My baby is very tactile and loves sitting on my lap during the day. I find it quite restrictive as I can't get any chores done, and my sisters tell me that I'll turn her into a clingy toddler. Is this true? On some days she is fine to play on her mat by herself for 20 minutes but on other days she just wants to be cuddled and held. Should I stop this habit now? She is 3 months old.

Answer 1

Did you (or your sister) know that brain cells in babies' brains only form connections when a baby is held?

Consider how the other primates (we're primates, that's our animal category) raise their infants - they don't put them down at all in the first year, some for several years, except when the baby wants down.

The reason is undoubtedly related to brain development. Before 8 months old, human babies are still 'fetal' = they have to come out at 9 months gestation, or they won't fit out, but they are not ready to be left alone when born. They need to be held all day. They need their mommy's milk on demand.

Your sister is totally wrong - meeting your child's needs is the way to make her strong and independent. A child who is rejected (how a baby perceives not being held when the baby needs holding) may put on the facade the adults want - a phony independence - but what you get is a depressed, withdrawn, or angry kid.

Hold your baby as much as she asks and you will be rewarded with a happy, independent child who TRUSTS YOU and wants to please you.

Plus, remember, the brain cell connections. Put your baby down and you are literally lowering her I.Q.

Get a sling - baby's too small now for most models, but soon she's love a sling and you'll have more ability to move around.

Answer 2

I have four children and three step-children. I held and snuggled and cuddled all four of my babies as much as they wanted to be. And even now as they and my step-children are older (between the ages of 10 and 16) I still hug them and cuddle with them and they all love it. Not one of my children were spoiled or clingy but they are very affectionate and loving. I do not, do not, do not believe that you can hold a baby too much. Giving her love and affection and closeness with you will teach her that you are there for her, calm her down, and make her feel safe. You have to remember that you are her entire world right now and it's only natural for her to want to be close to you. And believe me the dirty dishes will wait. If you want to have a little more freedom try a baby sling or baby carrier to tote her around with you. I managed to get the basics done using one of these. When my last child was born I had an almost 5 year old, a 3 year old and a two year old. It was very hard sometimes to make myself sit down and just snuggle with them all but I am so glad that I did. Like I said, my children are now very caring and kind and affectionate and I believe that taking the time to spend as much time as I did with them was the key. One more thing, I know it doesn't seem like it right now but that little girl will be grown in a blink of an eye and you will wish you had this time back so take every moment you can with her and have no regrets!

Answer 3

From my experience with seven children, the more you hold your baby, the more they trust you when you put them down. Three months is still young, and they are still learning about the world and need you to help. It is absolutely NOT true that it will create a clingy toddler, clingy toddlers belong to moms who keep pushing them away...and eventually that creates disassociated children who couldn't care less about their family.

We use a baby carrier to help, so we can do housework and even yard work while carrying them. Try a maya wrap, or even a mai tai....wraps are a lot more intimate and more flexible with positions. As they get older, they'll want down more often, and will be happier to play by themselves for up to half an hour. Even one year olds need to have an adult with them all the time, so that if you are doing housework, you'd set them up with a few toys right next to you.

As they age, you certainly can use some practice with them playing by themselves, although my children have never needed it. But just set up a blanket, and set her down...pick her up before she gets upset and verbally praise and snuggle her. She'll then learn that not only can she trust you to pick her back up, but that it's really GREAT to have the opportunity to be picked up.

Good luck, and remember, this is your child, there is no onus to listen to anyone else on parenting, regardless of how they are related. Follow your heart.

Answer 4

There's nothing wrong with holding her, if that's what makes her happy, then that should make you happy! Your sister is wrong, my three were held often when they were babies, they never became clingy and they've turned into very independant, wonderful teenagers.....

If you're having trouble getting things done during the day because she wants to be held, invest in one of the front carriers that straps onto your body and supports the baby while leaving your hands free...I was never without mine for my three kids, I did everything with them from laundry to gardening....well worth the investment because it satisfies both of you, baby gets held, you get chores done.

Holding her a lot is beneficial to her, it teaches her about security and shows her that she's loved.

Good luck and enjoy her while she's little, time will fly faster than you can ever imagine!

Answer 5

it's okay to hold her a lot- just make sure she spends some time on a play mat on the floor. Babies need wiggling, creeping, and crawling in that order to stimulate healthy brain development. Get some safe and interesting things on a play mat for her to discover with her hands. this is very tactile. Glen Doman from the institutes for the acheivement of human potential in Chestnut Hill PA has written many books on the subject.

Answer 6

I held my son a lot he's 2 and a half now and he isn't clingy at all in some ways he didn't learn to sit in a shopping cart or stroller because I wanted to carry him everywhere but now because he's bigger and too heavy I put him down to walk in public and he stays close to me sometimes I have him hold on to the cart or hold my hand but I always keep him close and it is very rare for him to try to get away. I don't think that it's wrong to hold her when she wants to if you want to do chores maybe buy a rebozo or another type of baby carrier it seemed to help me a lot when my son was little.

Answer 7

It is hard when they are so little. You might want to ease up when she gets older, but now is the time to hold and comfort her. She's only 3 months old! Listen to your heart. She's YOUR baby. Take a look at your sister's kids. Are they perfect? No. Then they must not know everything. There will come a time when you wish she would sit on your lap.

Answer 8

It's fine to hold your baby when she wants to cuddle. But when she's sleeping, I'd put her down. Otherwise she may "require" to be held while sleeping and that can get rough. I know my son ended up that way from being held by company so much while he was sleeping.

If you are restricted doing chores, try a front facing baby carrier. That's what I used for my son. You can also try a bouncy seat that you can put in view where ver you are working.

Answer 9

This is a GREAT QUESTION! I believe that our children need to know that they are special. At some point, you are going to want to NOT hold her as much. Right now it should be good for both of you. There are carriers that allow you to put them in and carry them on your back. This would allow you to get house chores done as well as hold her during those hours. She is a special baby, a "Gift of GOD". Train her up in the admonition of the Lord. Have a great holiday season!
Eds

Answer 10

I say...cuddle her all you want to. Your house can be tidy when they're grown. Before you know it, she will be a middle schooler who really would rather not be seen with you. I carried my now 21 year old all through the house in her carrier. She sat on the kitchen counter when I did dishes so we could "talk". I held all the kids when they wanted to be held despite criticisms from friends and family. My oldest still climbs in my lap after a hard day and has made a very successful life for herself despite being held when she wanted. Don't you find comfort in being held? : ) Good luck.