Advice please?

Question

I am the single mother of one little girl. and she is very precious to me. Though i love her to death she has become somewhat unmanagleble. There are times when she is very sweet and considerate. But its like the next minute she is a totally different child. If she is told no she will through very violent tantrums, to the point where she has to be restrained from hurting herself or someone else. She refuses to be seperated from me, she has to be with me constantly or it is a tanturm waiting to happen. She doesnt sleep that well at all, and refuses to sleep by herself. I have dealt with this for the past year and its becoming alot to handle. Everyone that has been around her has noticed the behavior also. I have honestly tried everything from yelling, to taking toys and movies away from her but this just aggrivates her tantrums. As a last resort i tried spanking but it didnt seem to phase her she just got even more out of hand. I have no idea of what to do.

she is 3 years old, its been this way for about a year now. I have tried everything she has to be cuddled up with me just to go to sleep then when i move it wakes her up and to get her to go back to sleep is a four hour oredeal. When i pick her up during a tantrum i cant even hold her becuase she kicks hits punchs and bites till i let go of her. i tell her daily that i love her and she says the same thing back. But when she is in a tanturm i cant even talk to her if i tell her that i love her, her response is get away from me or i hate you mommy.

we tried in the cornor she refused to stay then when i tried to place her back in the cornor she became violent. She realizes that there are consequences but it seems like she doesnt really care about them.

and as far as the other children i am afraid to becuase she is so violent......i have never given her everything that she wanted, she wasnt spoiled by far but she is very terriotorial she refuses to share

She has never left my side long enough to get hurt. the problem with leaving her alone is that she does hit her head on things and tries to hurt herself.

Answer 1

Go to Dr.Phil.com, seriously they did a show on this very thing earlier this year.U may find some useful information there...

Good Luck!

Answer 2

You don't say how old she is - but maybe this will help. Keep calm. Don't yell. Remember YOU are the boss. If you say NO, keep saying it; don't give in to her. Hold her when she screams, or if in public, just pick her up (silently) and GO. Main thing is to make it clear to her YOU are in charge, not HER. BUT at the same time let her know you love her. Don't give her everything she wants - but DO give her what she NEEDS. There's a difference. Try letting her sleep in a (separate) bed beside you for a while, then move it a bit further away and then, when she's got used to that, into the next room, door open, then eventually her OWN room. Main thing is to be consistent and don't give in to her. Good luck! Bringing up children is the hardest job in the world and the easiest to get into.

Answer 3

She is imposing her will on you and winning. Remember, she is your daughter, not your friend. You must show her that you, not her, is the rule maker. It might have gotten to the point where it will be very difficult to assert your authority, but it must be done. She must learn that there will be specific, undesirable consequences for her misbehavior. You must be consistant. It will help to find an effective punishment. I do not disagree with spanking but it is a last resort.

It is difficult. My child is most punished by standing in the corner. I hate to punish him but it has to be done. A child that learns good behavior young will be a better all around person than a child that is allowed to run wild.

My advice would be to talk to her pediatrician. It is possible that there are some more serious issues than just bad behavior. The intensity of her tantrums is concerning.

You may try to help integrate her with other children. Kids learn social skills and limits with other children.

As far as sleep goes, you may go to her room and lay down with her. After she goes to sleep, go to your own room. She will start to get the idea. We are doing that with our child.

Good luck.

Answer 4

A child will do everything from screaming and yelling to peeing on herself to get your attention.

Giving in to that is a sign to her that her behaviour equals mommys attention.

All children go through a phase like this. My neice, who is 3, can do the exact same thing. And my son, who is almost 2, is starting with temper tantrums if he doesn't get his way.

My suggestion: find a safe spot for her where she can't hurt herself, with no toys, and no distractions. When she begins to act up, speak to her CALMLY and tell her that her behaviour is not acceptable and that if she continues you will put her in her room until she calms down. Then, if she doesn't, follow through. ALWAYS. Put her in that safe place and let her work it out.

Other than that, talk to a professional. It is a lot of stress to handle by yourself, and your doctor may be able to recommend a local class or support group or playgroup.

Also, watch her diet carefullly. Be careful with what she watches on TV, in movies, etc. Get her into a routine so she knows what to expect. As for the sleeping, get her out of your bed. Exhaustion on your part is not going to help the situation.

She may also be craving activity. Keep her busy with crafts, toys, outside playtime. Some children act up because they are bored.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Did something happen to your child? Could she have been abused somehow when you were away? Some children act out i have heard. Could she have ADD or some other medical problem? Have you talked with her Doctors about this? A total change in behavior would be an alarm to me as a parent. I would take her to her pediatrician and discuss it. Good luck to you, i hope everything works out.

Answer 6

Walk away from it, don't give her the attention she wants. As long as she is not banging her head against a wall she will be fine. Set her in her room, do something to keep her away from other people. Eventually she will calm down on her own and find other ways to demand attention and get what she wants

Answer 7

Hi

I think it sounds as if your child may have one of the following problems:

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, often called ADD or ADHD, is a diagnostic label that is given to children and adults who have significant problems in four main areas of their lives:


Inattention,
Impulsivity,
Hyperactivity,
Boredom.

There are two major types of ADD at this time (this aspect of ADD keeps evolving): ADD with hyperactivity (the traditional type of ADD) and ADD without hyperactivity ("inattentive" type). Here are the DSM IV diagnostic criteria in a condensed form:

Inattention (must meet six of the following to a degree that is "maladaptive"):

Often fails to give close attention to details or makes mistakes in schoolwork;
difficulty sustaining attention in tasks;
seems not to listen;
fails to follow instructions or finish work;
unorganized;
difficulties with schoolwork or homework;
loses things like school assignments, books, tools, etc.;
easily distracted;
forgetful about daily activities.
ADD with Hyperactivity (must meet six of the following to a degree that is "maladaptive"):

fidgety in a squirmy sense;
doesn't stay seated;
runs or climbs excessively (or feelings of restlessness in older children);
difficulty playing quietly;
often "on the go" or acts if "driven by a motor";
often talks excessively;
blurts out answers to questions;
difficulty waiting in lines or waiting turns;
often interrupts or intrudes on others.

Oppositional Defiant Disorder

(ODD) and Conduct Disorder (CD)
At least 35% of all children with ADHD also have oppositional defiant disorder, which is characterized by stubbornness, outbursts of temper, and acts of defiance and rule breaking. Conduct disorder is similar but features more severe hostility and aggression. Children who have conduct disorder are more likely get in trouble with authority figures and, later, possibly with the law. Oppositional defiant disorder and conduct disorder are seen most commonly with the hyperactive and combined subtypes of ADHD.

i really would go and talk to your doctor or health visitor - no parent should have to cope with what you are coping with.

I seriously hope you get things sorted, please keep us posted.

Answer 8

How old is she?
Talk to her doctor and to have the help find out what is going on. It could be something as serious as ADD or autism or it could be just that she needs structure.

Answer 9

you should take her to a doctor for this. this in not a normal behavior for a child to have. honey take her in. she might have add or something like that. good luck