In need of some advice...?

Question

My gf of a month heard some bad news (which she won't talk to me about)regarding her sis before our date on friday, which resulted in her being incredibly rude, mean, and distant. Before this happened our relationship was full of love and affection, but now there is none. Since then she has been unaffectionate and disinterested. I met with her last night and she was still distant and when I tried to talk to her about her sister she told me to never bring it up again. She won't kiss me with more then a peck and won't cuddle with me anymore. What should I do? I have given her a lot of space and am not forcing things, but I really miss the intimacy we shared before all of this happened. I told her that if she ever needs anything, to vent, shoulder to cry on, etc. I am here for her. But I don't want to just sit here like a friend forever, the intimacy is a must for me. Any suggestions on what I can do to help her let her heart go and open herself up to me again?

I have not met her sister yet, to clarify, I am 27 and she is 28

Answer 1

You need to show a lot of patience right now since it sounds like the call was traumatic for her and she may never tell you what was said.... Just be there if she asks for support and help her when she asks for help... This is something that she needs to sort out and all you can do is wait for her to come around....

Don't press her right now since this will really not help....

Answer 2

I agree with several answers to your question. Not sure how serious you are about this lady, but if time doesn't heal this situation.....this could be just a small part of what your life could be like in the event of marriage. Everyone handles situations differently, some are hurt or disillusioned about things and lash out at those they care about the most.......some think they can handle everything on their own and don't need anyone. You are obviously doing everything you can to let her know you love her and are there for her. I hope she doesn't realize too late what a treasure she has. Good luck to you...both! Oh, have you tried talking to her sister??

Answer 3

I feel for u man, similar stuff happened to me two years ago with the loss of affection and stuff. U really think it was the phone call that started it all? What could it have been about? the only thing i can say, is that as long as you are being supportive and trustworthy, then it's not your fault. But if she wont let you ask her why, yet she still refuses to be affectionate, somethings gotta give, but hey man, it's not your burden, its hers, so its your right to know why this is affecting the relationship. good luck

Answer 4

It sounds to me that she has trouble communicating herself. If what happened with her sister is affecting her behavior around you, she should tell you instead of being so mysterious about it. Part of being in a relationship is being open, honest, and forthright. Clearly this is making you feel uneasy. I wish i had some advice for ya, just hang in there and see what happens. Maybe she just needs time. But if things don't change, you may want to let go and pursue other options.

Answer 5

Talk to your gf and ask her what is bothering her. The way she has acted towards you means that whatever is bothering her is eating her up inside by not talking about it. Nothing wrong with the intimate part, you are also her friend too.

If she isn't willing to open up and answer your question for the reason for her being cold towards you, then you must come to the realization that the relationship is over and must move on.

Answer 6

you need to find out what the problem is. It does not make sense that something happened to her sister to cause her to stop being affectionate to you, unless one her sister is pregnant or two you and her sister did something together. Either way no matter what happened you need to find out and the only way that is going to happen is if you talk to her. I realize she does not want to talk about her sister with you at this time but what you want to talk to her about is what is going on with the two of you. Ask her what changed, why she does not want to be close with you any more. Ask her what it is so that the two of you can work on it. The only way this can be mended is by talking. Explain to her that if all she wants is to be friends then she needs to be honest with you so that you can move on. I truly hope she tells you so that the two of you can continue on in a healthy loving relationship. Best of luck to you.

Answer 7

no matter what the news, there is no reason to be rude and mean,,,,,, something doesnt sound right here, are you sure the news she heard was about her sister? not you??

i can understand her being distant, if something is troubling her,,,,, she should just explain that to you,,
its only been a week,, so its not like its forever , yet,,,,, i would talk to her, explain your feeling,, ask her if the problem concerns you,,,,,,if not, give her some time,,,,, you dont mention your ages,,,, if she is young, under 20, that may explain her attitudes /behavior if something major has occurred, if she is older, im not sure it makes much sense,,

Answer 8

well as you stated its only been a month...Give her space and time..Evidently she is not comfortable enough with you to open up..Tell her to take her time and Deal with what ever the call was about,and give you a call when she feels like Discussing it..in the mean time you could just be annoying her and she wont say..which is what it sounds like.Don't put yourself through this it truly has nothing to do with you and she needs to work it out give some space...If its meant to be ..it will ..if not it sounds like you are a wonderful caring person and any woman would be lucky to have you as a boyfriend and "Friend"
Hope it all works out...

Answer 9

You can't force her to open up to you, unfortunately it's only something that she can do for herself and something that she needs to want to do for herself (if that makes sense?).

I'd suggest telling her that you feel distanced from her, that you understand that she needs time/space to get things straight in her own head but that it's affecting both of you, not just her.

Also tell her that despite wanting to be iwht her, you don't feel this is being reciprocated and that you are not someone who wants to complicate her life, on the contrary, you want to make things easier but you can't if she won't share things with you.

Maybe if things don't ease up, you might be better giving both you and her some time to adjust and reconcile any differences that you may have?

Answer 10

ok first of all your really sweet! but then in order that she can tell you what shes feeling you have to be a friend wuith her! i know it might seem that you can't do that but i am sure of it if you are there for her always she might open up!!! its cuz you know some guys are not really wanting to talk to their girlfriends about this knida of stuff just answer this to your self am i one of those guys! and pretty sure if your not then you will know what to do!!! an dhelp her with what ever shes feeling in side ok! well good luck on this!!!!