Competing with the "fun" girl....?

Question

Recently a guy came from another country to work with us a while and I fell for him. Nothing happened because he was about to leave back home but he knows I like him. In any event, to makes things worse, there is this "fun" girl in the department that every guy had a crush on at some point in their lives. She is so fun and energetic and she is pretty and full of self-confidence which I totally lack in this environment. Doesn't matter how, but he told me that I was prettier and that he is not attracted to her. Was he telling the truth or kind of defending and protecting himself? I think that is load of bull because if he thinks she's pretty then he has to be attracted to her. His friend told me that if a girl is too pretty, guys get "immune" and are not actually attracted to them. I just know that if I want his attention, I cannot compete with her self-confidence. What do you think? Are guys running away from insecure girls?

Answer 1

Why are you making your own life so difficult. Why do you have such low self esteem that if a cute guy you like tells you youa re better looking than onther girl, you can't even believe him. What is it that makes y0ou seems so negative. Why not give youself some credit, not all guys are attracted to the same 'pretty' girl. I actually really don't like those realy pretty girls at all. They can be so vain and I don't like the pretty model types at all although most guys do. I like cute girls and sporty girls better! I prefer not so beautiful but cute and more flat chested girls. Why....that just my style. So belive him and like him and get to knowhim better. If he ends up leaving soon, than so what. Better have some fun, meet a nice guy, experience some romance, and gain some self confidence, even if you end up losing him later...than do nothing at all.

Answer 2

As a guy, I know exactly the type of girl you're talking about. He could be lying to be nice to you, it certainly possible, but we also get tired of those sorts of girls, first of all the "always happy and energetic" thing is often a fake act to cover up some serious underlying issues, or they love the attention but don't want anything more. I know what your friend means with the "immune" thing, really really pretty girls can just be too much of a hassle sometimes and the attraction wears off quickly. Or sometimes we just don't think we stand a chance so we switch off the attraction so that we don't have to think about it. You'd be shocked at how many guys just want a normal, attractive but down-to-earth girl that they relax around and just be themselves.

Anyway, there is always someone, hotter, sexier, funnier, smarter, more charismatic. If he wants you, he wants you, if he doesn't, he doesn't, don't try to compete!

I should add though, that really insecure girls that constantly self-doubt themselves are annoying too. Try not to let your insecurities be overbearing. You shouldn't even be asking him about what he thinks of the other girl. Everyone has insecurities and it is normal to an extent, but some people really let it get the best of them, and that is not attractive at all.

Answer 3

Try thinking about it from his point of view.

If this girl were a guy, and was fun and energetic and handsome
and full of self-confidence, would you admire/be attracted to him?
Probably yes. However... do you think you'd ever have a chance
with someone like that? That's what I think your friend's friend was
getting at - both women and men may have crushes on people
that they think are 'too perfect', but most won't bother to approach
them, because they don't think they have a snowballs chance in
hell.

Damn, sucks to be her. I suppose.

You're NOT competing with her. He hasn't entered her into his
competition. However, if he's going back home why does it
matter? Are you thinking about trying to convince him to stay?

Answer 4

I don't think looks[pretty] is everything in an attraction!Personality plays a big part,also attitude and acceptance of another.There is always that special Spark that sometimes happens between two people.It really has nothing to do with looks!You do not need to feel you have to compete with this other girl.This girl may not be attracted to the same guys you are,end of story!She may flirt with them and vice-versa,but nothing real will come of it.All guys will flirt or look at attractive women,it is their nature.It bothers me sometimes ,also.Just remember,there is someone out there just waiting for you,because you have unique qualities just perfect for them.Some guys will prefer a shy insecure girl over an aggressive girl.Who wants a girlfriend that everybody else is after all the time.Talk about competition,no thanks!!!!!

Answer 5

The cold hard fact? You don't deserve him. You focus on everything else, don't believe in yourself despite the fact he said he wasn't attracted to her. You project your short comings on someone else so you don't have to deal with them.

Guys do NOT like self-loathing girls. It's a retarded. Because if they have to spend every minute trying to reassure your behind then at some point they'll realize you have issues and will leave you.

You need to change your attitude. You aren't competing with her. You are competing with YOURSELF. And your attitude sucks. Who cares if the girl is pretty? She is liked for a reason. And if you aren't fun and come of as a complaining sarcastic loser with no confidence what else would you expect?

Get your head out of the clouds, stop questioning yourself and get it together. Normal guys once they find out what you are about will drop you like a hot potatoe if you don't get your head straight.

However if you are determined to be miserable you are on the right track.

Answer 6

You should start talking to him too! Just be yourself, don't worry about competing. Because in the end you might find that your need to compete is taking over. So, just go after him and be friendly and flirt with him :) I can see where your worry comes from, I've felt this way before too!

Answer 7

I agree to a point with your friend. I have a friend who is a cheerleader for a NFL team and everyone I know (all my guy friends)would love to hook up with her. I find her attractive but I've honestly never tried to hook up or do anything with her. She is a cool chick and I find myself just hanging out with her like one of the guys.She's smoking hot but it's just wierd I guess. So basicly it's not all about looks, if you have the confidence to go and be yourself then that's all that matters. Don't kid yourself, even the "fun" girl has been turned down before. It's all about how you carry yourself. Just be confident and " Bulletproof" as I say.
Take it easy, and remember........ BULLETPROOF !!!!....
Like nobody could touch you if they tried ....

Answer 8

taake a chiill pill girl, why do you have to be so b*tchy about some girl having more fun from life than you? Look at it this way, are you that girl, do you have a problem with being cheery all the time? No, your problem is you, not miss pep rally all in one person, you, and no one else.