Overly Emotional 4 Year Old?

Question

All right, I'm having a huge problem. I'm a single mom with a 4 year old daughter. She hasn't seen her bio-father in 3 years; he gave up his parental rights when we divorced. He has ADD, Bi-polar, anxiety, and depression. I am (normally) a very calm person, it takes a lot to make me stressed, and I am STRESSED!!! I know a lot of it is my fault, I've given into her at times, I haven't been as consistant as I should be, and our routine has gone to hell. I'm paying for it now. She throws one tantrum after another; screaming, violent tantrums. She does things to spite me. Tonight she cut her hair for the 4th time! She got scissors out of the trash and hid them up in her room. When I sent her to her room she cut off her hair (made me furious). There are times when she is just the sweetest child ever, and then all of a sudden she goes into these rages. I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice would be appreciated, and if you need any more info, I'd be happy to oblige.

Answer 1

Are there any recent changes in her life (new school, move, family issues) that could be causing so much anger? Could she be feeling abandoned by her father? If so, give her a lot of extra love and support. Since her routine has not been consistent, she is testing you. Do your best to keep a consistent routine. She should wake, eat, have play time at the same time each day, and go down for bed and the same time each night. Pick a way to discipline her and stick to it.

Temper tantrums are caused by children who are not getting their needs met. If they are not throwing a tantrum because they are ill, hungry, or tired, they will throw a tantrum because it feels powerful, they get attention for it, they are testing limits, or they are simply feeling frustrated.

Avoid punishing or threatening. When she throws a tantrum, do the unexpected. Either walk away or move her to a quiet place (her room, the couch) and say “When you are ready to calm down then you can come back.” Say nothing more than that. This is not a time out because you are not setting a time limit (you controlling her). She returns when she is ready to control herself. You may have to return her to the designated spot before she gets the message. You can also try this for other misbehaviors. As soon as she misbehaves, get down to her level and say "I don't like when you (explain what and why in very few words)." Take her gently by the hand and put her in a quiet spot in your home (her bedroom, the couch.) Say "When you're ready to (control yourself, be gentle, listen, behave, stop) then you can come back with me." Again, not a time out. She returns when she's ready to control herself. Keep it up! If you can, empathize with her before she throws a tantrum. Say things like “I can tell that you are feeling very (angry, upset, hurt, mad, frustrated). What can we do about that?” It will help her to better express herself. Empathize with her again when she is calm.

To discipline your daughter, always let the “punishment” fit the crime. You can do this by using logical consequences. Taking away a toy or privileges when your daughter misbehaves is not a logical consequence. Taking away a toy if she throws it or is destructive with it is logical. These are some other examples of logical consequences. If she spills her milk, she wipes it up. If she breaks a toy, have her put in the trash. If she cuts her hair, the scissors get put away until she is ready to only cut paper.

It feels very powerful to her when she cuts her hair. She also gets a huge response from you when she does it, even though it is negative attention, it is still attention. Help her to feel powerful by saying things like “You did that by yourself! You did that so neatly! You worked on that for a long time! You must be so proud of yourself! Look how many colors you used on your painting! You can run super fast! You’re teacher must be so happy with you! You’ve made such nice friends!” These phrases are great confidence builders, great ways to show attention, and great ways to help her feel powerful. Also, notice her when she is not misbehaving. Spend some one on one time with her everyday. Read her a story, do an art project, have her help you with meals and things around the house. This will really help her to feel proud.

You may want to give her a “cutting drawer.” Pick a drawer in you home and fill it with different colors and sizes of paper and envelopes to put the paper cuttings into. Tell her “Here is your cutting drawer. If you want to cut things you can use these.”

Set limits, follow through, and offer choices, not chances. You can say “Do you want to do that by yourself or do you want some help?” "No" should mean "No" the first time you say it. Say "Yes" as much as possible. Be patient and consistent. Best of luck to you!

Answer 2

In my experience when a child knows how to get a rise out of you then they'll keep doing the same things over again. I don't have kids yet but i am a nanny to a six year old, a four year old and a 2 1/2 year old. The four year old kept marking up her room with markers and paint and the mom would get so frustrated with her and yell and spank her. This only made the child mad and she threw a gigantic temper tantrum. Finally the parents just sat down with her and talked with her- and resolved the problem.
How do you deal with the tantrums? Do you get upset and yell? If so, the child may be feeling your anger towards her and throwing it back at you. A way to handle the trantums is to remove the child from the place or thing causing the tantrum and just let her scream her head off (preferably in her own room). We did this to the four year old and it worked miraculously. We have know gotten to the point that if the child needs to have a tantrum she goes to her room herself and comes out when shes down. The most importatn thing is to not give your daughter any attention while shes having the tantrum since that is more than likely the reason for it in the first place. Every child is different and have their own ways to deal with their problems so work on finding the right solution and everything should work out in the end.
The only other advice I can give you is to reset the routine(if she responded well to that)- it'll probably be rough in the first few weeks but just think of the final reward- you and your daughter will be happier people.

Answer 3

My six-3 hundred and sixty 5 days-previous is quite corresponding to yours! I additionally see a good number of babies like this in college. i'm a substitute instructor, and that i see hundreds of babies each and every 3 hundred and sixty 5 days. He looks like he's slightly severe-strung; or relatively-delicate. it relatively is in simple terms the way he's under pressure. His highs are bigger that the traditional and his lows are decrease. What does his wide-spread practitioner and instructors say? Does this influence his college habit? Or is it in simple terms at abode? he's the middle newborn, in step with probability it relatively is how he gets interest on the grounds that he's no longer the toddler or the oldest. in simple terms some suggestions!

Answer 4

ever watched the super nanny? You need to find her dvd and get some tips... u answered your own question... kids need routines and consistancy. When you are able to give this to her she will improve. Dont give in no matter what. Make sure there are consequences for her actions...Give one warning and then move to time out. Only for five mins though.... good luck

Answer 5

BEAT HER ***. I know there are people out there that object to physically disciplining your child, but obviously everything else you've tried id useless on this child. Don't blame yourself, though. Not every child learns the same, so she might just be teating you to see how far you'll go to get YOUR way. My son, who is 3, does that same thing every once in a great while and I tell you what, you smack their little hind end, and they will stop what they are doing to piss you off. Good luck.

Answer 6

OK, THIS SOUNDR ROUGH. BUT U NEED TO BEAT THAT CHILDS BUTT. SHE IS WALKING ALL OVER YOU. IF U DON'T STOP THE TANTRUMS NOW, SHE WILL BE A BRAT WHEN SHE IS OLDER.
GOODLUCK