What do you think about co sleeping?

Question

I am pregnant with my first, my husbands second. My husband and his Ex co-slept with their daughter and she still sleeps with her mom. She is 10 years old and her dad has to sleep with her 50 % of the time while she is here. She never slept a night alone until the last year. We have been married for 2 years and together for three. She is very comfortable with the house. She get scared at night in her room. Its a nice room, we leave the lamp on and the TV.

My problem is I don't want to co sleep for so long, my husband wants to. I don't mind it for the first year, but I would also like the option to have them sleep alone without being scared. I just wanted to hear from parents with experience with this. How you got your kids to sleep alone, at what age? Was it a hard for them to sleep alone?

Answer 1

i started leting them sleep alone at about a year old and before that i would have their crib in my room.I did not have my baby in my bed cause .......... well u know what happends.... they stay their till about 12 yrs. old and i like my privacy with my husband as much as the next.

Answer 2

Many women co-sleep just as long as the baby is still waking up at the middle of the night needing to be breastfed. That way, the mother can breastfeed in bed without getting up and sleep is not quite so disrupted. As long as you break the co-sleeping habit before the baby gets too old, it'll probably simply be just a few semi-restless nights while they adjust and all will soon be forgotten. Go by how you feel on the issue - you may be sick of co-sleeping after a couple months, or you may be longing for more after a year. Just play it by ear. There's no reason why the baby can't be kept nearby in a crib or in a bedside bassinet.

I personally feel 10 years old is a little too old to be co-sleeping (though I'm sure plenty of people do not), but I am just going to take a stab in the dark that her mother is being comforted by her sleeping there as well. Obviously, when the baby comes, you are going to have to explain to your step-daughter that she can no longer sleep with both of you when she comes to stay because you need to make room for the baby and wouldn't want her to continually get woken up by the feedings.

If you can afford it, it would be nice to offer an incentive to her moving back into her own room by redecorating it with new paint and new bedding of her choice. Plenty of nightlights, dreamcatchers, and coaxing should help. She's still going to be scared though, because her mom is going to be allowing her to continue co-sleeping. It's just going to take some reinforcement. Ask her what she is most afraid of and try to make all precautions against her particular fear so that she feels more secure.

Answer 3

First let me start by saying - CONGRATULATIONS!
Now to the questions. Co-Sleeping is a decision that you and your husband have to make together. As long as you are aware that there are risks of suffocating a baby by rolling on them (especially if you or your husband are overweight or have been drinking) and the baby getting under bedding. They do offer "beds" that you can place between your husband and yourself that keep the baby from rolling around and getting under pillows or bedding.
With that said, you have to do what works for you, your husband and your baby. Every child is different and every family is different. My son and daughter slept on my husband or I in a recliner in their rooms till they were 2. We did this because they both had very painful acid reflux and had to be at a very upright angle to get any sleep. Then, when we were ready to move them into their beds (because they had grown out of the acid reflux) they were already used to their rooms. We stayed right next to them for the first 2 nights in their new beds until they went to sleep and then slowly moved farther and farther away until we were out of their rooms. The first 2 nights were hard but the rest was pretty easy. You could use the same concept to wean your child off of co-sleeping.
I will say that 10 is a bit old and her mother may be using co-sleeping to fulfill her own need of having someone close to her or feeling needed (I had a friend who did the same thing). His first daughter could go through the same process, where she sleeps in the room on the floor next to her dad and then, if he is comfortable, she slowly moves out of the room.
Hope this helped a little and good luck with the little one.

Answer 4

As you can see from the responses already posted, co-sleeping is a very personal decision. To do it or not depends on the child, your comfort level and that of your partner. I have a two-year old daughter who co-slept with us off and on until she was around a year old. She was very independent and liked being in her own room. She will only occasionally sleep with us now.
I would say that when the behavior starts interfering with what you perceive as acceptable for you, it will be time to make a change. Until then, I say go for it and don't worry about it. Nothing better than to wake up and have that little one snuggled up next to you (but be ready for the kicks to the head at 3am! :-)) Good luck & just enjoy!

Answer 5

I started letting my newborn sleep on my chest while we were still in the hospital. He slept better when he could hear my heartbeat. He slept with my husband and I until he was 2, when he got a "big boy bed." He would crawl into our bed in the middle of the night a few times, but no major problems.

Answer 6

First of all, Congrats!
Second of all, it is never a good idea to let a baby sleep in bed with the parents. It is a big health risk to the baby! One of you could roll on top of the baby, the baby could fall out of the bed and/or have problems with blankets and pillows.
Third, there is always the problem you are referring to with separation after a certain time frame.

I have had both experiences. Our first born slept in our bed (but only once he was big enough to get out of his bed). He would come in our room in the middle of the night and crawl in. We never had a problem with this so it began to happen on a nightly basis until he was about 6 years old. Our second child, was not a cuddler. At 8 pm, she wanted in her bed and slept through the entire night alone. She is still like this today.

If you want the security of having your child next to you, place a bassinet right next to your bed. That way you will have the closeness but also the separation that you will need/want later.

It's a tough one. I understand both ways...it is just so hard to break once you have allowed the co sleeping.

Answer 7

my daughter slept on the bed till 5 months after that i used to put her in her crib in my room. gradually i shifted the crib, when she was 11/2 to her room. now she is 31/2 and is comfortable sleeping in her own room
the idea is to stop the co sleeping even before they realise, till then its the best as you dont want to get out of bed for nighttime feeds. at that age babies sleep throughout the night

Answer 8

I am single mom and so I often let my daughter sleep with me. But I didn't ever sleep with her till she was 10 months old. I was scared I'd roll on top of her. After 10 months she still mostly slept alone. But then as she got older, she slept with me more and more. She is now 7 and sleeps with me most of the time, but I make sure she sleeps in her own room sometimes, as it is important for her to be independent and confident with her room and being alone. But she does take the dog with her to feel safe.

Answer 9

I think the divorce is probably why she still wants to cosleep still at 10 years of age. There are probably some security issues or attachment issues or something due to her parents splitting up.

Most kids I know (mine included) weaned from cosleeping much earlier than that. Say between 2 to 4 years of age.

Answer 10

I let my little little ones sleep with me. My first son slept with me until he was 2 months then he slept in his crib by himself. My second son is 2 months old and he sleeps by himself in his basinett, which is in my room, but we only have a two bedroom apartment and I dont trust my two year old with him by himself at night. I dont want my children to get used to sleeping with me for the simple fact that I want them to be independant and for me that is a very important trait for a child. I love and nurture them throughout the day and at night they sleep in thier own beds, that what I bought them for them to sleep in them!

I look at it this way co-sleeping is your choice and your kids, but I like sleeping in my bed with my husband and my husband only. If the two year old has a nightmare I comfort him in his room and he goes back to sleep in his own bed. I love my child but he needs to learn to be independant. If the baby wakes in the middle of the night for a bottle, I feed him and he goes right back into his basinett. In my experience it is best to not let them sleep with you for too long after they are born otherwise you will not get them out of your bed. Good luck with weening the 10 year old and on the new arrival!

Answer 11

I have been a single mom most of my life so it was easy for me to let my daughter sleep with me, and it was getting really hard for me to get her to sleep by herself.
she's the baby of the family, It was she who did it herself, once she started having sleep overs or slept at a friends house, she realized that "big" girls sleep in their own rooms